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itsjustagamerp2012-10-27 10:10 am
itsjustthemads) wrote in itsjustagamerp2012-10-27 10:10 am
Experiment #30 - The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway (Part 2)
The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway - Part 2
By Peter Gabriel
*The theatre floor is covered in pillows and blankets as the other riffers enter. Up front, there’s three sleeping bags - red, blue, and pink. Pinkie is seated on the pink one, forelegs crossed.*
Pinkie: Okie-dokie-LOKIE! NOW we can finish our sleepover!
Minako: *wearing a birthday hat and yellow pajamas* I brought some popcorn and snacks and drinks!
*Mike walks in this time...wow, it’s been awhile since he’s riffed at all, hasn’t it? He looks around at all of the setup.*
Mike: Uhh, wow, you guys really went to town on the theater here.
Minako: Oh, hey Mike!
Pinkie: It’s a SLEEPOVER! Want us to paint your nails?
Mike: Nnnnno, that’s all right, Pinkie.
Minako: ...Where’s Luna?
Pinkie: Oh...I think she and Princess Celestia went to watch this movie. The Last Airbucker!
Mike: ...Maybe you two lucked out this time.
A tunnel is lit up to the left of him, and he begins to shake.
Mike: Shake, shake...your booty!
As it grows brighter, he hears a non-metallic whirring sound. The light is getting painfully bright, reflecting as white off the walls until his vision is lost in a sort of snow blindness.
Mike: Oh, it’s spring in Minnesota.
Minako: Minnesota has seasons?
Mike: Sure it does: Winter and Road Construction.
He panics, feels around for a stone and hurls it at the brightest point. The sound of breaking glass echoes around the cave.
Mike: See, there you go, people in glass caves shouldn’t throw stones.
As his vision is restored he catches sight of two golden gloves about one foot in diameter hovering away down the tunnel.
Pinkie: *GASP* Oh no! Master Hand went Super Saiyan!
Mike: Hamburger Helper Glove went and got some bling!
When they disappear a resounding crack sears across the roof, and it collapses all around him. Our hero is trapped once again.
Pinkie: There’s a HERO in this story? Oooh! Where is he? *lifts up pillow to look underneath*
Mike: Yup, that’s our...whoever this is!
A tunnel is lit up to the left of him, and he begins to shake. As it grows brighter, he hears a non-metallic whirring sound.
Minako: Wait, didn’t we already read this-
Pinkie: LET’S DO THE TIIIIIME WARP AGAAAAAIN~!
Minako: Luckily I came prepared. *twirls sledgehammer*
The light is getting painfully bright, reflecting as white off the walls until his vision is lost in a sort of snow blindness.
Minako: Rael: Um, I seem to have lost my eyeballs in that snow drift back there.
Mike: Great, he’s lost his contacts, now he’ll never find them.
Pinkie: And Winter Wrap-up’s not for another three months...
He panics, feels around for a stone and hurls it at the brightest point. The sound of breaking glass echoes around the cave.
As his vision is restored he catches sight of two golden gloves about one foot in diameter hovering away down the tunnel.
Minako: Turkish Star Wars meets BROADWAY~!
When they disappear a resounding crack sears across the roof, and it collapses all around him. Our hero is trapped once again.
Mike: Meanwhile, someone punches Sylvester Stallone through a window.
A tunnel is lit up to the left of him, and he begins to shake.
Minako: Rael: Damn my vitamin C deficiency!
Mike: You know, third time around it’s all finally starting to make sense.
Minako: Cherry Nyquil’s starting to kick in, I take it?
Mike: ...Nope, actually I lied, it doesn’t.
As it grows brighter, he hears a non-metallic whirring sound. The light is getting painfully bright, reflecting as white off the walls until his vision is lost in a sort of snow blindness. He panics, feels around for a stone and hurls it at the brightest point.
Mike: *as Rael* OUT vile jelly!
The sound of breaking glass echoes around the cave.
Minako: Well, let’s see, its seven years bad luck to break a mirror. So....three times se-
As his vision is restored he catches sight of two golden gloves about one foot in diameter hovering away down the tunnel. When they disappear a resounding crack sears across the roof, and it collapses all around him. Our hero is trapped once again.
Minako: Rael: THE TRIANGLE’S CLOSING IN ON ME!! HEEEEELP!!
Pinkie: He’s one with the Triforce now. *nods solemnly*
Mike: Don’t look now, Rael, but there’s two giant earthworms crawling over your shoulder...
A tunnel is lit up to the left of him, and he begins to shake. As it grows brighter, he hears a non-metallic whirring sound. The light is getting painfully bright, reflecting as white off the walls until his vision is lost in a sort of snow blindness. He panics, feels around for a stone and hurls it at the brightest point. The sound of breaking glass echoes around the cave.
Minako: Seriously, how does repeating these same two paragraphs four times help with the story?
As his vision is restored he catches sight of two golden gloves about one foot in diameter hovering away down the tunnel.
Mike: Okay, now this just isn’t that cute anymore. Is this story broken?
Pinkie: Leeet’s dooooo - *pant pant* - the time waaaaarp... *collapses*
When they disappear a resounding crack sears across the roof, and it collapses all around him. Our hero is trapped once again.
Mike: And so are WE!
Minako: WOAH!! WHAT THE-WHAT IS UP WITH THAT PICTURE ON THE LEFT!?
Mike: ...So according to this comic, our hero received a golden pocketknife from a surgeon, then the Thing invited him to an orgy with the Little Mermaid and her sisters?
Pinkie: ...is THAT what he means by clobberin’ time?
Mike: Why do I see David Lynch directing the film version of this...
Minako: I like to think David Lynch has more sense than that.
A tunnel is lit up to the left of him, and he begins to shake. As it grows brighter, he hears a non-metallic whirring sound. The light is getting painfully bright, reflecting as white off the walls until his vision is lost in a sort of snow blindness.
Minako: Breaks glass, bla bla bla, gloves, bla bla bla...
Mike: Are we gonna get back to that weird comic? I wanted to know what Thing was so excited about!
Minako: *looks at the picture more closely, winces* ...I can think of one thing he might be happy about, but I’d have to have Cambot censor it.
He panics, feels around for a stone and hurls it at the brightest point. The sound of breaking glass echoes around the cave.
As his vision is restored he catches sight of two golden gloves about one foot in diameter hovering away down the tunnel. When they disappear a resounding crack sears across the roof, and it collapses all around him. Our hero is trapped once again.
Mike: So are we gonna get this once again, or?...
Pinkie: It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on...
Amongst the contorted faces of the Slippermen,
Minako: ...I feel like we’re missing something here. Like...half the story.
Pinkie: Maybe it got lost in the Time Vortex...
Mike: Or that first three paragraphs of the story just consumed it.
Rael recognises what is left of his brother John.
Minako: Oh, right, he’s got a brother! Totally forgot.
Pinkie: Yeah, John had to go kill the demons.
They hug each other. John bitterly explains that the entire life of the Slipperman is devoted to satisfying the never-ending hunger of the senses,
Minako: So its devoted to basically...doing the same things humans do on a routine basis anyways.
Pinkie: But THESE guys...wear SLIPPERS! Woooooooo~!
which has been inherited from the Lamia.
Mike: This sounds like something Servo would throw into one of his role-playing games.
Pinkie: They’re the ones who make fun of you during gym class!
There is only one escape route; a dreaded visit to the notorious Doktor Dyper
Minako: Doktor Diaper?
Mike: The number two doctor in the state!
who will remove the source of the problems, or to put it less politely, castrate.
Minako: ............................................................................................ *stare*
Mike: *looks extreeeemely uncomfortable* ...How about no!
Pinkie: Is that like a casserole?
Minako: Uuuuuuh...
Mike: Not a good one.
They discuss the deceptively-named escape for a long time and decide to go together to visit the Doktor.
Mike: It was all exposition; definitely nothing that could have explained this any more!
Minako: I think I’d get a second opinion beforehand for something like this at the very least.
They survive the ordeal and
Minako: Can now sing soprano!
are presented with the offensive weapons in sterile yellow plastic tubes, with gold chains.
"People usually wear them around their necks," said the Doktor handing them over.
Minako: Doktor: Here’s your Dick-in-a-Tube, boys! I made them myself~!
Mike: *makes a pained noise*
"The operation does not necessarily exclude use of the facility again, for short periods,
Minako: GET IT? SHORT PERIO-
but of course when you want it you must provide us with considerable advance warning."
Minako: Doktor: And whatever you do don’t lose them! I don’t have any spares left!
As the brothers talk themselves through their new predicament, a big black raven flies into the cave, swoops down, grabs Rael's tube right out of his hands
Minako: Doktor: DAMNIT, WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU!?
Mike: *as the raven* NEVERMORE, SUCKER!
and carries it up into the air in his beak. Rael calls for John to go with him.
And he replies "I will not chase a black raven. Down here you must read
Minako: True story, John managed to polish off Gone With the Wind and ten volumes of Churchill’s biography while Rael kept stupidly getting caught in time paradoxes.
and obey the omens. There's disaster where the raven flies."
Mike: *as Rael* Oh, thanks SOOOOO MUCH, John!
Minako: John: Seriously, John Cusack as Edgar Allen Poe? Who thought that was a good idea!?
So once more John deserts his brother.
Minako: Hence why John is my hero.
Mike: Where is “down here,” anyway?
Pinkie: The deep dark depths of the author’s psyche! *giggles* Either that or a really really big cave!
Mike: ...Kinda hopin’ for the latter.
The bird leads Rael down a narrow tunnel, he seems to be allowing him to keep at a closed distance.
Minako: Raven: And down here is the finished basement. And did I mention its waterproofed against flooding?
But as Rael thinks he might almost catch hold of the bird, the tunnel opens and finishes at an enormous subterranean ravine. Casually, the raven drops his precious load into the rushing waters at the bottom.
Mike: *as the raven* Ooops, butterbeak!
Minako: Doktor: Maybe next time you’ll put it around your neck before you leave my office, dumbass!
It's enough to drive a poor boy ravin' mad.
Pinkie: Awwww Rael, don’t get your feathers all ruffled!
Minako: Ha. Ha. Ha.
Mike: Oh now that was too easy, author.
Seeing the dangers of the steep cliff, our courageous hero stands impotent and glowers.
Mike: *as Rael* I dunwanna climb down a dumb stupidy cliff!
He follows a small path running along the top, and watches the tube bobbing up and down in the water as the fast current carries it away.
Minako: Rael: Stupid penis, I didn’t want it anyways! *whiny pout*
However, as he walks around a corner Rael sees a sky-light above him, apparently built into the bank.
Minako: Rael to the Mooooooooon!
Through it he can see the green grass of home, well not exactly; he can see Broadway.
Mike: Yes, the rolling green hills of Broadway!
His heart, now a little bristly,
Minako: Like a cactus slowly stabbing tiny holes into his chest cavity.
is shaken by a surge of joy and he starts to run, arms wide open, to the way out.
Minako: Meanwhile his Dick-in-a-Tube is swallowed whole by a swordfish and is never seen again.
Mike: I feel like he should be running towards some woman in a long flowing dress, in slow-motion.
At this precise point in time his ears pick up a voice screaming for help. Someone is struggling in the rapids below. It's John.
Mike: His brother was in that yellow tube the whole time?!
He pauses for a moment remembering how his brother had abandoned him.
Minako: With good reason, mind you.
Mike: He probably ran off to follow a howler monkey or something, because those aren’t bad luck!
Then the window begins to fade -- it's time for action.
Mike: RAEL: Man of action! ...And ravens and diaper doctors and giant golden gloves I don’t know!
Minako: That’s not even taking part one into account.
He rushes to the cliff and scrambles down the rocks. It takes him a long time to get down to the water, trying to keep up with the current at the same time. As he nears the water's edge he sees John losing strength.
Mike: *as John* Story...too...bizarre...can’t...go on! Save...yourself!
Minako: Rael: NEVER! I MUST SOMEHOW MAKE MYSELF RELEVANT!
He dives down into the cold water. At first he is thrown onto the rocks, and pulled under the water by a fast moving channel, which takes him right past John, down river.
Mike: Oh, well that’s convenient!
Minako: Our hero, everyone! Our hero. Give him a gold star. *slow clap*
Pinkie:
Rael manages to grab a rock, pull himself to the surface and catch his breath. As John is carried past, Rael throws himself in again and catches hold of his arm. He knocks John unconscious
Minako: Again, not helping.
and then locking themselves together, he rides the rapids into the slow running water, where he can swim to safety.
Mike: *as Rael* Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!
But as he hauls his brother's limp body onto the bank he lies him out and looks hopefully into his eyes for a sign of life.
Minako: Rael: Yeah, real Gs don’t need to check for a pulse! Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that m-
Pinkie: MINAKO! No! *she grabs Minako by the shoulders and shakes her* DON’T LET THE STORY WIIIIIIN!
Minako: *shaken* li-i-i-i-AH! What!? What’d I do!? What happened!?
He staggers back in recoil, for staring at him with eyes wide open is not John's face -- but his own.
Pinkie: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
Minako: Rael: Behold, my twin brother!...why am I shocked again?
Mike: The first rule of The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway is that no one GETS The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway!
Rael cannot look away from those eyes, mesmerized by his own image.
Pinkie: Geez, even Rarity’s not THAT bad.
Mike: Narcissus does the hard drugs.
In a quick movement, his consciousness darts from one face to the other, then back again, until his presence is no longer solidly contained in one or the other.
Minako: So...what does this have to do with a sheep standing on a steam grate near Times Square?
Pinkie: *shakes her head* Oh, Minako. You just don’t GET it, man!
Minako: But...you don’t either.
Pinkie: I get it! A little! ...maybe...
Mike: Feel like explaining it to the rest of us, then?
Pinkie: Okay, so there’s these mushrooms that grow out in the Everfree Forest, right?
Mike: ...I think that’s as far as you need to explain.
In this fluid state he observes both bodies outlined in yellow and the surrounding scenery melting into a purple haze.
Pinkie: Purple haze all in my braaaaaain~!
Mike: He’s in Xanadu!
With a sudden rush of energy up both spinal columns,
Minako: They were both tasered by cops as bystanders looked on and laughed. The end!
their bodies, as well, finally dissolve into the haze.
Mike: Our hero was just a product of his own imagination!
Minako: ...that might have actually been a cool idea. In a better story.
Pinkie: ...this story would’ve been a lot better with a chocolate river.
Mike: Gotta agree with you on that one.
All this takes place without a single sunset, without a single bell ringing and without a single blossom falling from the sky.
Mike: So it wasn’t made in Japan.
Pinkie: Needed more cowbell.
Yet it fills everything with its mysterious intoxicating presence.
Minako: It is the new cologne by Tim Curry.
Mike: Something is definitely stinking up the place.
It's over to you.
Mike: Did this story just pass the buck to us?
Pinkie: Yeah, well...this sleepover’s over to YOU! So HA!
Minako: Can I use my sledgehammer now? I really, really want to use it on this story. Besides - its my birthday!
Pinkie: WHAT? It’s your BIRTHDAY? *she reaches into the popcorn bowl and pulls out Cammy* CAMMY! EMERGENCY BIRTHDAY PROTOCOLS! GET THE REALLY REALLY BIG PARTY CANNON!
Minako: Eh? o.o
Mike: Ohhhh boy... *he tries to hide in his seat*
Pinkie: You’ll see, Minako! You’re gonna have the BEST birthday party EVER!!!
By Peter Gabriel
*The theatre floor is covered in pillows and blankets as the other riffers enter. Up front, there’s three sleeping bags - red, blue, and pink. Pinkie is seated on the pink one, forelegs crossed.*
Pinkie: Okie-dokie-LOKIE! NOW we can finish our sleepover!
Minako: *wearing a birthday hat and yellow pajamas* I brought some popcorn and snacks and drinks!
*Mike walks in this time...wow, it’s been awhile since he’s riffed at all, hasn’t it? He looks around at all of the setup.*
Mike: Uhh, wow, you guys really went to town on the theater here.
Minako: Oh, hey Mike!
Pinkie: It’s a SLEEPOVER! Want us to paint your nails?
Mike: Nnnnno, that’s all right, Pinkie.
Minako: ...Where’s Luna?
Pinkie: Oh...I think she and Princess Celestia went to watch this movie. The Last Airbucker!
Mike: ...Maybe you two lucked out this time.
A tunnel is lit up to the left of him, and he begins to shake.
Mike: Shake, shake...your booty!
As it grows brighter, he hears a non-metallic whirring sound. The light is getting painfully bright, reflecting as white off the walls until his vision is lost in a sort of snow blindness.
Mike: Oh, it’s spring in Minnesota.
Minako: Minnesota has seasons?
Mike: Sure it does: Winter and Road Construction.
He panics, feels around for a stone and hurls it at the brightest point. The sound of breaking glass echoes around the cave.
Mike: See, there you go, people in glass caves shouldn’t throw stones.
As his vision is restored he catches sight of two golden gloves about one foot in diameter hovering away down the tunnel.
Pinkie: *GASP* Oh no! Master Hand went Super Saiyan!
Mike: Hamburger Helper Glove went and got some bling!
When they disappear a resounding crack sears across the roof, and it collapses all around him. Our hero is trapped once again.
Pinkie: There’s a HERO in this story? Oooh! Where is he? *lifts up pillow to look underneath*
Mike: Yup, that’s our...whoever this is!
A tunnel is lit up to the left of him, and he begins to shake. As it grows brighter, he hears a non-metallic whirring sound.
Minako: Wait, didn’t we already read this-
Pinkie: LET’S DO THE TIIIIIME WARP AGAAAAAIN~!
Minako: Luckily I came prepared. *twirls sledgehammer*
The light is getting painfully bright, reflecting as white off the walls until his vision is lost in a sort of snow blindness.
Minako: Rael: Um, I seem to have lost my eyeballs in that snow drift back there.
Mike: Great, he’s lost his contacts, now he’ll never find them.
Pinkie: And Winter Wrap-up’s not for another three months...
He panics, feels around for a stone and hurls it at the brightest point. The sound of breaking glass echoes around the cave.
As his vision is restored he catches sight of two golden gloves about one foot in diameter hovering away down the tunnel.
Minako: Turkish Star Wars meets BROADWAY~!
When they disappear a resounding crack sears across the roof, and it collapses all around him. Our hero is trapped once again.
Mike: Meanwhile, someone punches Sylvester Stallone through a window.
A tunnel is lit up to the left of him, and he begins to shake.
Minako: Rael: Damn my vitamin C deficiency!
Mike: You know, third time around it’s all finally starting to make sense.
Minako: Cherry Nyquil’s starting to kick in, I take it?
Mike: ...Nope, actually I lied, it doesn’t.
As it grows brighter, he hears a non-metallic whirring sound. The light is getting painfully bright, reflecting as white off the walls until his vision is lost in a sort of snow blindness. He panics, feels around for a stone and hurls it at the brightest point.
Mike: *as Rael* OUT vile jelly!
The sound of breaking glass echoes around the cave.
Minako: Well, let’s see, its seven years bad luck to break a mirror. So....three times se-
As his vision is restored he catches sight of two golden gloves about one foot in diameter hovering away down the tunnel. When they disappear a resounding crack sears across the roof, and it collapses all around him. Our hero is trapped once again.
Minako: Rael: THE TRIANGLE’S CLOSING IN ON ME!! HEEEEELP!!
Pinkie: He’s one with the Triforce now. *nods solemnly*
Mike: Don’t look now, Rael, but there’s two giant earthworms crawling over your shoulder...
A tunnel is lit up to the left of him, and he begins to shake. As it grows brighter, he hears a non-metallic whirring sound. The light is getting painfully bright, reflecting as white off the walls until his vision is lost in a sort of snow blindness. He panics, feels around for a stone and hurls it at the brightest point. The sound of breaking glass echoes around the cave.
Minako: Seriously, how does repeating these same two paragraphs four times help with the story?
As his vision is restored he catches sight of two golden gloves about one foot in diameter hovering away down the tunnel.
Mike: Okay, now this just isn’t that cute anymore. Is this story broken?
Pinkie: Leeet’s dooooo - *pant pant* - the time waaaaarp... *collapses*
When they disappear a resounding crack sears across the roof, and it collapses all around him. Our hero is trapped once again.
Mike: And so are WE!
Minako: WOAH!! WHAT THE-WHAT IS UP WITH THAT PICTURE ON THE LEFT!?
Mike: ...So according to this comic, our hero received a golden pocketknife from a surgeon, then the Thing invited him to an orgy with the Little Mermaid and her sisters?
Pinkie: ...is THAT what he means by clobberin’ time?
Mike: Why do I see David Lynch directing the film version of this...
Minako: I like to think David Lynch has more sense than that.
A tunnel is lit up to the left of him, and he begins to shake. As it grows brighter, he hears a non-metallic whirring sound. The light is getting painfully bright, reflecting as white off the walls until his vision is lost in a sort of snow blindness.
Minako: Breaks glass, bla bla bla, gloves, bla bla bla...
Mike: Are we gonna get back to that weird comic? I wanted to know what Thing was so excited about!
Minako: *looks at the picture more closely, winces* ...I can think of one thing he might be happy about, but I’d have to have Cambot censor it.
He panics, feels around for a stone and hurls it at the brightest point. The sound of breaking glass echoes around the cave.
As his vision is restored he catches sight of two golden gloves about one foot in diameter hovering away down the tunnel. When they disappear a resounding crack sears across the roof, and it collapses all around him. Our hero is trapped once again.
Mike: So are we gonna get this once again, or?...
Pinkie: It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on...
Amongst the contorted faces of the Slippermen,
Minako: ...I feel like we’re missing something here. Like...half the story.
Pinkie: Maybe it got lost in the Time Vortex...
Mike: Or that first three paragraphs of the story just consumed it.
Rael recognises what is left of his brother John.
Minako: Oh, right, he’s got a brother! Totally forgot.
Pinkie: Yeah, John had to go kill the demons.
They hug each other. John bitterly explains that the entire life of the Slipperman is devoted to satisfying the never-ending hunger of the senses,
Minako: So its devoted to basically...doing the same things humans do on a routine basis anyways.
Pinkie: But THESE guys...wear SLIPPERS! Woooooooo~!
which has been inherited from the Lamia.
Mike: This sounds like something Servo would throw into one of his role-playing games.
Pinkie: They’re the ones who make fun of you during gym class!
There is only one escape route; a dreaded visit to the notorious Doktor Dyper
Minako: Doktor Diaper?
Mike: The number two doctor in the state!
who will remove the source of the problems, or to put it less politely, castrate.
Minako: ............................................................................................ *stare*
Mike: *looks extreeeemely uncomfortable* ...How about no!
Pinkie: Is that like a casserole?
Minako: Uuuuuuh...
Mike: Not a good one.
They discuss the deceptively-named escape for a long time and decide to go together to visit the Doktor.
Mike: It was all exposition; definitely nothing that could have explained this any more!
Minako: I think I’d get a second opinion beforehand for something like this at the very least.
They survive the ordeal and
Minako: Can now sing soprano!
are presented with the offensive weapons in sterile yellow plastic tubes, with gold chains.
"People usually wear them around their necks," said the Doktor handing them over.
Minako: Doktor: Here’s your Dick-in-a-Tube, boys! I made them myself~!
Mike: *makes a pained noise*
"The operation does not necessarily exclude use of the facility again, for short periods,
Minako: GET IT? SHORT PERIO-
but of course when you want it you must provide us with considerable advance warning."
Minako: Doktor: And whatever you do don’t lose them! I don’t have any spares left!
As the brothers talk themselves through their new predicament, a big black raven flies into the cave, swoops down, grabs Rael's tube right out of his hands
Minako: Doktor: DAMNIT, WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU!?
Mike: *as the raven* NEVERMORE, SUCKER!
and carries it up into the air in his beak. Rael calls for John to go with him.
And he replies "I will not chase a black raven. Down here you must read
Minako: True story, John managed to polish off Gone With the Wind and ten volumes of Churchill’s biography while Rael kept stupidly getting caught in time paradoxes.
and obey the omens. There's disaster where the raven flies."
Mike: *as Rael* Oh, thanks SOOOOO MUCH, John!
Minako: John: Seriously, John Cusack as Edgar Allen Poe? Who thought that was a good idea!?
So once more John deserts his brother.
Minako: Hence why John is my hero.
Mike: Where is “down here,” anyway?
Pinkie: The deep dark depths of the author’s psyche! *giggles* Either that or a really really big cave!
Mike: ...Kinda hopin’ for the latter.
The bird leads Rael down a narrow tunnel, he seems to be allowing him to keep at a closed distance.
Minako: Raven: And down here is the finished basement. And did I mention its waterproofed against flooding?
But as Rael thinks he might almost catch hold of the bird, the tunnel opens and finishes at an enormous subterranean ravine. Casually, the raven drops his precious load into the rushing waters at the bottom.
Mike: *as the raven* Ooops, butterbeak!
Minako: Doktor: Maybe next time you’ll put it around your neck before you leave my office, dumbass!
It's enough to drive a poor boy ravin' mad.
Pinkie: Awwww Rael, don’t get your feathers all ruffled!
Minako: Ha. Ha. Ha.
Mike: Oh now that was too easy, author.
Seeing the dangers of the steep cliff, our courageous hero stands impotent and glowers.
Mike: *as Rael* I dunwanna climb down a dumb stupidy cliff!
He follows a small path running along the top, and watches the tube bobbing up and down in the water as the fast current carries it away.
Minako: Rael: Stupid penis, I didn’t want it anyways! *whiny pout*
However, as he walks around a corner Rael sees a sky-light above him, apparently built into the bank.
Minako: Rael to the Mooooooooon!
Through it he can see the green grass of home, well not exactly; he can see Broadway.
Mike: Yes, the rolling green hills of Broadway!
His heart, now a little bristly,
Minako: Like a cactus slowly stabbing tiny holes into his chest cavity.
is shaken by a surge of joy and he starts to run, arms wide open, to the way out.
Minako: Meanwhile his Dick-in-a-Tube is swallowed whole by a swordfish and is never seen again.
Mike: I feel like he should be running towards some woman in a long flowing dress, in slow-motion.
At this precise point in time his ears pick up a voice screaming for help. Someone is struggling in the rapids below. It's John.
Mike: His brother was in that yellow tube the whole time?!
He pauses for a moment remembering how his brother had abandoned him.
Minako: With good reason, mind you.
Mike: He probably ran off to follow a howler monkey or something, because those aren’t bad luck!
Then the window begins to fade -- it's time for action.
Mike: RAEL: Man of action! ...And ravens and diaper doctors and giant golden gloves I don’t know!
Minako: That’s not even taking part one into account.
He rushes to the cliff and scrambles down the rocks. It takes him a long time to get down to the water, trying to keep up with the current at the same time. As he nears the water's edge he sees John losing strength.
Mike: *as John* Story...too...bizarre...can’t...go on! Save...yourself!
Minako: Rael: NEVER! I MUST SOMEHOW MAKE MYSELF RELEVANT!
He dives down into the cold water. At first he is thrown onto the rocks, and pulled under the water by a fast moving channel, which takes him right past John, down river.
Mike: Oh, well that’s convenient!
Minako: Our hero, everyone! Our hero. Give him a gold star. *slow clap*
Pinkie:
Rael manages to grab a rock, pull himself to the surface and catch his breath. As John is carried past, Rael throws himself in again and catches hold of his arm. He knocks John unconscious
Minako: Again, not helping.
and then locking themselves together, he rides the rapids into the slow running water, where he can swim to safety.
Mike: *as Rael* Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!
But as he hauls his brother's limp body onto the bank he lies him out and looks hopefully into his eyes for a sign of life.
Minako: Rael: Yeah, real Gs don’t need to check for a pulse! Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that my life goal was to become a gangbanger? Did I ever mention that m-
Pinkie: MINAKO! No! *she grabs Minako by the shoulders and shakes her* DON’T LET THE STORY WIIIIIIN!
Minako: *shaken* li-i-i-i-AH! What!? What’d I do!? What happened!?
He staggers back in recoil, for staring at him with eyes wide open is not John's face -- but his own.
Pinkie: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
Minako: Rael: Behold, my twin brother!...why am I shocked again?
Mike: The first rule of The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway is that no one GETS The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway!
Rael cannot look away from those eyes, mesmerized by his own image.
Pinkie: Geez, even Rarity’s not THAT bad.
Mike: Narcissus does the hard drugs.
In a quick movement, his consciousness darts from one face to the other, then back again, until his presence is no longer solidly contained in one or the other.
Minako: So...what does this have to do with a sheep standing on a steam grate near Times Square?
Pinkie: *shakes her head* Oh, Minako. You just don’t GET it, man!
Minako: But...you don’t either.
Pinkie: I get it! A little! ...maybe...
Mike: Feel like explaining it to the rest of us, then?
Pinkie: Okay, so there’s these mushrooms that grow out in the Everfree Forest, right?
Mike: ...I think that’s as far as you need to explain.
In this fluid state he observes both bodies outlined in yellow and the surrounding scenery melting into a purple haze.
Pinkie: Purple haze all in my braaaaaain~!
Mike: He’s in Xanadu!
With a sudden rush of energy up both spinal columns,
Minako: They were both tasered by cops as bystanders looked on and laughed. The end!
their bodies, as well, finally dissolve into the haze.
Mike: Our hero was just a product of his own imagination!
Minako: ...that might have actually been a cool idea. In a better story.
Pinkie: ...this story would’ve been a lot better with a chocolate river.
Mike: Gotta agree with you on that one.
All this takes place without a single sunset, without a single bell ringing and without a single blossom falling from the sky.
Mike: So it wasn’t made in Japan.
Pinkie: Needed more cowbell.
Yet it fills everything with its mysterious intoxicating presence.
Minako: It is the new cologne by Tim Curry.
Mike: Something is definitely stinking up the place.
It's over to you.
Mike: Did this story just pass the buck to us?
Pinkie: Yeah, well...this sleepover’s over to YOU! So HA!
Minako: Can I use my sledgehammer now? I really, really want to use it on this story. Besides - its my birthday!
Pinkie: WHAT? It’s your BIRTHDAY? *she reaches into the popcorn bowl and pulls out Cammy* CAMMY! EMERGENCY BIRTHDAY PROTOCOLS! GET THE REALLY REALLY BIG PARTY CANNON!
Minako: Eh? o.o
Mike: Ohhhh boy... *he tries to hide in his seat*
Pinkie: You’ll see, Minako! You’re gonna have the BEST birthday party EVER!!!