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itsjustagamerp2013-05-11 12:33 pm
itsjustthemads) wrote in itsjustagamerp2013-05-11 12:33 pm
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THE MEGARIFF - Atlanta Nights - Chapters 14 and 15
Atlanta Nights - Chapters 14 and 15
By Travis Tea
Abel: *slinks in and sits down* Eh, may as well see what all the fuss is about.
Pinkie: *puts party hats on him/everyone else* LET'S DO THIS!!!
Harvey: ...we do know this story's incredibly inappropriate for ponies, yeah?
Sora: I don't think it's been that great for anyone, really!
Epsilon: Then why the fuck are we here? I want out.
Riku: *Takes a seat next to Sora* To show 'em we're not afraid. *His Cambot seems to be clingy and has followed him in*
Minako: Because this is THE FINAL SACRIFICE!
Pinkie: It's FUUUUUUUUN!
Sora: And it's a way to stick it to those mad scientist guys!
Epsilon: Fair enough.
Pinkie: Anyway, it's only...ONE RIFF MORE!
Liz: Let's try to keep Les Miz to a minimum here, it's sad enough as it is.
Phineas: Let's make it the best riff ever!
Liz: *looks over, surprised* Hey stranger, when'd you get here?
Phineas: Uhh... Huh, just now I guess. Weird.
Liz: Huh. Well, have a seat!
Penelope sat, sipping a Peach Martini (her third) while the staff hustled all around her table. She hadn't been back to Atlanta's Food 101
Liz: She never even graduated German Beers 103.
Epsilon: So we have food education?
Minako: OH! Right! This takes place in Atlanta!
Harvey: Unfortunately.
Sora: Is that related to Atlantica at all?
Aqua: I don't think so.
Riku: Though it looks like she's drinking like a fish.
restaurant since graduating college, but it had the merits of terrific food, no loud music, and excellent bartender, and, above all else, there was absolutely no connection to her time with Bruce.
Minako: Bruce Wayne?
Liz: Bruce Banner?
Pinkie: Bruce the Shark?
She had no few fond memories of the place, and the memories were justified. Just since she'd arrived, no fewer than 3 guys (2 Pro hockey players and a Minor League pitcher) had hit on her.
Sora: ...Hopefully not with hockey sticks or baseball bats.
Minako: No no, hopefully with them!
Epsilon: That would would be more interesting. This sucks.
Abel: Well that was oddly specific.
Riku: She must be keeping score.
Once, she would have enjoyed their attentions.
Phineas: But twice was asking for a little much.
Now, she was impatiently awaiting Andrea's arrival.
Andrea who never came on time unless she happened to be laying on someone's watch during sex.
Tom Servo: HEY-OOOOO!
Harvey: Classy as ever, I see.
Liz: She had eyes on the back of her spine!
Riku: *Rubs bridge of nose*
Andrea who was gorgeous in ways even Penelope could appreciate,
90s Kid: If you know what I mean. *waggles eyebrows*
Harvey: *Gibbs slap* Kid!
90s Kid: OW! Geez, why does everybody do that?
Aqua: *just gives him a Look*
Riku: *Continues to rub bridge of nose, pushes Cam away*
since Bruce had never given Andrea a second glance.
Riku: He barely had a first glance to spare.
Yet, she was engaged to Bruce's college roommate, Jeff, and still had managed to retain her friendship with Penelope despite Jeff's requests not to.
Pinkie: But...why wouldn't he want her to have friends?
Sora: Wasn't this story always including both first and last names for characters? Whatever happened to that?
Minako: Maybe they're foundlings.
Penelope was just signaling her buff, young waiter Greg to bring another Martini when Andrea appeared, striding swift toward her table. Her lean, 5-6 frame
Abel: What, did she just come from art class?
and dancers leg with calves
Minako: Moooo.
Mike: Now I'm picturing a bunch of baby cows doing a ballet.
Liz: It'd certainly be more interesting than this. Maybe that's the next sequel to Fantasia.
Phineas: Ferb, make a note! Cow ballet! ...Oh right, he's not here.
Riku: Just when you think you've seen everything...
pulling tautly as she approached, had heads turning up-and-down the aisle. When she bent over and kissed Penelope on the cheek, 2 guys nearly fell off their chairs,
Liz: Typical.
Sora: This restaurant should get better chairs.
Riku: *Blinking as he's staring like he's watching a trainwreck, half-heartedly replying,* Or less alcohol.
Epsilon: I haven't used real chairs in a while, but I agree. *seeing as he is levitating above the seat*
and another received a vicious, teeth-rattling smack from his female companion.
Tom Servo: Wuah-wuah-wuah-wuaaaaaah!
Epsilon: Geez. It's like dealing with Tex. Except hers was less slapping and more flashbangs.
Riku: *Sinks in seat a little uncomfortably, suddenly and for once glad Namine isn't here. Cambot sinks with him to nearly sit on his head.*
Andrea was breathless, causing her chest to heave enough to sea sicken even the mightiest of sailors.
Minako: *sings* The weather started getting rough, Andrea's boobs were tossed~
Riku: *Boy the bridge of his nose must feel like it has its own masseuse by now.*
Liz: ...thank you for that image.
Harvey: *looks at 90s Kid, Gibbs slaps for good measure*
90s Kid: HEY! What'd I do?!
Mike: Is this story using Dead Or Alive physics?
"I'm so sorry I'm late. We were in a planning meeting this morning when the main server failed, and it's been nonstop phone time with our clients all day." So spoke Ms. Temporary Secretary.
Minako: Andrea Temporary Secretary. Sounds unwieldy.
Pinkie: I would just go with Andrea, too.
Crow: Maybe her last name is a double name! She had the last name Temporary, and her husband was Secretary.
Riku: *Sits back up, hits his head on Cambot* Or her mom wanted to be cruel with her middle name.
Penelope waved over Greg. "It's OK. Let's just get you a drink."
Harvey: Yeah, it's probably the only way anyone can survive this story. *pointed look at Liz*
Liz:No.
Epsilon: *grumbling* That wouldn't be fair to those of us that can't enjoy alcohol.
Within moments there were delivered 2 Peach Martini, and a Sex on The Beach for Andrea.
Abel: And also a cocktail. HI-OOOO!
Sora: ...Drinks have weird names.
Epsilon: If you think that's bad? There's worse.
Sora: Like what?
Phineas: Crystal Pepsi!
Riku: You mean Crystal Soda?
The women sipped and made small talk over a plate of appetizers, though Penelope was itching to get to her main concern.
Liz: She had this brilliant idea for a stage routine.
Minako: Penelope: Do we have last names!? I NEED TO KNOW!!
Pinkie: *in an Eighth Doctor wig* WHO AM IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?!?
Phineas: 2-4-6-oh... Sorry, Liz.
Penelope's simple Caesar Salad and Andrea's North Georgia Trout
Minako: Both walked into a bar--now stop me if you've heard this one before!
Crow: We have! THAT WAS NUMBER FIIIIIVE!
had finally arrived when she finally broached the main issue.
Tom Servo: This story certainly has some capital issues!
"Are you going to tell me? Or are we both going to pretend it never happened?"
Pinkie: I know, I know! Let's do the second one!
Epsilon: Better for everyone's sanity.
Andrea said with a sigh, "How about let's do that, Penny? It's done. Terminado. Do we have to go through all the details? The Pre-Nup is singed,
Riku: *Turning behind him to shout as if to someone:* Again, Lea, are you KIDDING?!
Minako: Forged in the fires of Mount Doom...
Pinkie: *hunches* My...preciousssssss...
the rings are exchanged, and the gift checks cashed. Let it go. Let him go."
Liz: * sings* Bismilla, NO, she will not let him go!
Sora: *sings* Let him gooooo!
Abel: *sings* She'll not let him go!
Harvey: *sings* Let him goooo!
Mike: *sings* She'll not let him go!
Crow: Will not let him go!
Tom Servo: Will not let him go!
Everybody: No no no no no no no!
Minako: MAMA MIA MAMA MIAAA!
Harvey: Mama mia, let him go!
Sora: BE-EEEEEEEL-ZEBUB! Has the devil put aside for me!
Pinkie: *leaps up onto seat* FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! *suddenly, she starts riffing on an electric guitar*
Liz: *fucking headbangs!*
Riku: *Popcorn.gif*
Penelope shook her head, her ponytail waving behind her as if to swat a platoon of troublesome flies.
Sora: It really is a pony tail!
Pinkie: SEE? *waves hers in the air, swatting away a platoon of troublesome flies*
Liz: Where did those come from?
Aqua: It might be better to not ask.
"I need to hear it, Andrea. I need to hear it for myself before I can relegate him to the arms of that woman, and move on. Once you tell me about the wedding, I can put Bruce behind me for good."
Minako: Penelope: Even as I prepare to stalk him like a plot in a Lifetime movie!
Mike: *as Penelope* Get thee behind me, Satan...I mean Bruce!
Pinkie: Be hers, or you will buuuuuurn!
A small, childlike part of her petulantly crossed the dainty fingers of her left hand where it lay out of sight in her lap.
Crow: Kinda...creepy imagery there...
Andrea took a deep breath that nearly shattered the already precarious equilibrium of her blouse's buttons.
Tom Servo: WOOAH Nelly!
Liz: *hastily covers 90s Kid's eyes*
90s Kid: Hey!!!
Riku: *Averts eyes for good measure*
Minako: Geeze, its called get the right size!
"All right. If you really need to torture yourself, I will. The ceremony and reception were held at the Archer place."
Sora: *as Andrea* I'll have the rack and thumbscrews all ready for you!
Penelope snorted. "It was probably as much an exorcism of her husband's spirit as it was a wedding."
Riku: They were also prepared to steak the vampire best man.
90s Kid: Dude, we totally should've had that at our wedding.
Harvey: I have no doubt of that.
Andrea raised her hand with all the authority of a 20-year veteran school crossing guard on a rainy Spring afternoon.
Sora: *just bursts out laughing* W-what? What does that even mean?!
Riku: *Smirk* That she needs a new job. *Shoos away his Cambot*
Minako: School veteran crossing guards empty into the streets in protest!
"If you're going to be like that, I'm not going to continue. Jeff isn't thrilled that you and I are still friends, but out of respect for me, let's just get this over with."
Minako: ...Are they implying that these two women...?
Liz: *as Geoge Takei* Oh my~
Pinkie: ...I don't get it.
Abel: Don't worry about it, small pink thing.
Penelope nodded. "Sorry. Go on."
Andrea nibbled as she spoke, covering the initially distasteful taste of the tale with the smoky richness of restaurants' special recipe BBQ sauce.
90s Kid: ...most people just put that stuff on their steak, dudette.
Mike: Betcha this story is really high in calories.
Phineas: That's what makes the barbecue sauce so special!
Riku: It makes her story taste better than this story. Anybody got an antacid?
"There were only about 50 guests, mostly on Bruce's side.
Riku: One sat on his shoulders, though.
Callie doesn't have much family, and I guess most of her guests were business associates from Archer's business."
Andrea paused for a sip of Sex
Liz: ...*opens her mouth*
Harvey: Kid. No.
Liz: ...you're right. I'm above that joke.
Sora: *EYEBROW RAISE*
Riku: *...eye rub*
before plunging on with all the subtlety of the neckline of her favorite blouse.
Minako: Here I thought this was your favorite blouse~!
Riku: *Pained, covers Cambot lens* This girl needs to stop advertising...
"Before you ruin this already awkward story, yes, Callie wore white. And her bouquet was Calla Lillies. Cute touch, no? That Personal Assistant of hers . . . Maude? ... Milicent? ...
Sora: ...Maleficent?
Riku: That explains everything.
Liz: Guess they learned their lesson after that birthday party.
whoever . . . was the Maid of Honor. Bruce and Jeff wore gray tuxes, with white sneakers.
Harvey: *twitch* They...wore...sneakers?
90s Kid: I know, right? Why couldn't they wear chucks like everybody else?
Harvey: *suddenly makes a desperate grab for the flask Liz took away*
Liz: *NOPE, holds it out of his reach*
It was a very simple ceremony, and Bruce's mother cried the whole time.
Riku: If I married anyone in this story, my mom'd cry, too.
Sora: *as Bruce's mother* WHY DOESN'T HE REMEMBER MAKING HAMBURGERS WITH MEEEE
Minako: Penelope: WHY DOESN'T HE REMEMBER THAT I'M A VEGETARIAAAAAAN
Abel: *as anybody* WHY AM I IN THIS STORYYYYYYYY
Crow: *slowly slides up behind everyone and whispers* Artichokes.
Liz: *looks back at him* I'll artichoke you.
To be honest, I half-expected you to jump out of the shrubbery, or from a helicopter, or something screaming
Pinkie: STOP! IN THE NAAAAME OF LOVE!
Liz: *does her best Reb Brown scream* DAKOOOOTAAAAAAA!
Tom Servo: HERE I AM IN THE HYDRANGIA BUSH!
'Stop this mockery of a marriage!' when the minister asked if anyone knew any reason why these two should not be married.'
Minako: ...So why didn't she if she thought it was a mockery? That would be almost Michael Bay esque!
Liz: Needs more aliens or animal crackers.
Pinkie: Or explosions! *fires party cannon into air*
Sora: Woooo! *fistpump*
Riku: *Thumbs up*
Phineas: That wasn't really much of a reason...
Penelope glowered a bit, but Andrea rushed ahead having warmed greatly to her tale.
Minako: Andrea Temporary Secretary! She relishes in crushing your dreams!
"Jeff gave a marvelous toast.
Abel: Butterside up!
Sora: Nuh-uh, butterside down!
He told that story about the night Bruce and those basketball players stole all the bread that had been delivered to the college cafeteria, and there was no bread for meals the next day,
90s Kid: And that's how he made the toast!
and how he woke Jeff at 3 a.m., and clobbered him with a loaf of French bread, and there was bread all over the floor of their room, and
Minako: I'm sorry but...what does this have to do with living in Atlanta?
Sora: So they basically acted out that Eddie Izzard joke!
Jeff ended up cleaning it up, but how they've stayed friends ever since.
Harvey: . . . .why?
Epsilon: Why not? I was with Tex, and she shot me. That's nothing.
That story still cracks me up, though I guess it's more touching now that I see what a bonding moment it was for them."
Riku: I'd say she's touched.
Mike: Haha, getting hit in the face with bread! How charming.
Phineas: I'll have to remember to tell Ferb to add that to the list, too!
Penelope waited while Andrea finished off the last of her ribs.
Phineas: *very unsure* Waaait, whose ribs?
Much as she generally liked Andrea, the girl had a certain flighty -- no, make that "airheaded"
Minako: You say that like its a bad thing!
-- quality to her personality that was scratching at Penelope's nerves like a cat with 7 paws in a sofa factory.
Liz: Wait, how'd that happen? Poor kitty!
Riku: ...Why seven? Why is everything seven?
Why couldn't she see that Bruce's marriage was not a subject to be taken humorously.
Minako: THAT IS HER MAN DAMNIT! Harvey, hold my flower!
Harvey: I got your flower, kid. Go kick his ass.
Minako: Liz, hold my cat!
Liz: I got your cat!
90s Kid: Can I hold--
Minako: Sora, hold my wet t-shirt!
Sora: I got your--- *pause* ...Wait, do I have to?
Minako: *waves impatiently* TAKE IT
90s Kid: I can--
Sora: Okay fine! *takes it...ugh, it's wet*
Riku: *Snickers*
Minako: ...90's Kid!!
90s Kid: *:D?*
Minako: *suddenly picks up and tosses HIM* Epsilon, hold my 90's Kid!
Pinkie: *INTERCEPTION* I GOT HIM!
90s Kid: ....I think I just got rejected. .....wait, did she say her 90s Kid?! *suddenly looks hopeful*
Epsilon: ... Holding anyone would require me to have hands...
Tom Servo: It's okay, working arms are overrated anyway!
Pinkie: *squeezes 90s Kid like teddy bear*
Andrea let out a burp, not so manly a belch as to attract undue attention to them, but not so ladylike that one or two heads did not turn their way again.
Riku: *Sounding bored* Four point one. Weak.
Tom Servo: You know what this calls for now...
Crow: Burping contest!
90s Kid: Ooh! Ooh! I'll get the Coke! *wriggles out of Pinkie's forelegs*
Wiping her mouth delicately and fiddling about with the few tiny fish bones on her plate, she went blithely on.
Mike: Think someone left some extra adverbs on the plate, too.
Phineas: Oh, so she was eating fish ribs?
Aqua: I... guess?
'And their vows were so lovely, Penny. They wrote them themselves, and I never knew a computer geek like Bruce could be so eloquent.
Phineas: But smart people usually are more eloquent...
Callie went first, and she said the loveliest things about Bruce and them and their relationship.
Abel: Allow me to share all the details with the jealous ex in loving, tooth-grinding detail!
Epsilon: It's like she's trying to make it worse.
How he had pulled her up from the deepest depths of her mourning, and given her reason to rise from her bed in the morning light,
Riku: ...Mourning. ...Morning.
and yet still more and greater reason to return to it at nightfall.
Minako: Bow chicka bow wow...
Crow: This is our sauciest Atlanta Night yet!
Phineas: Cause of the barbecue sauce, right?
She swore to love him all the days of his life.'
Harvey: His life? That sounds ominous.
Riku: He's... Dying. To have her.
Liz: *sings* SO NOW HE'S PRAYIN' FOR THE END OF TIME TO HURRY UP AND ARRIVE~
Penelope's mind decided this was a fine moment to play heckler to this divine comedy.
Minako: Dante disapproves.
Riku: Nothing divine about this.
Sora: I knew this story was another ring in hell!
'Wonderful. She means to outlive this husband, too!'
Harvey: *FROZEN IN UTTER HORROR*
Riku: *Thumbs to Harvey* You called it.
Minako: I dunno, I thought Natasha Romanova would be less obvious.
Harvey: I...I've been reading too much of this. It's gettin' in my head!
Andrea was oblivious to this bleak internal exchange. 'And Bruce's vows. Oh, Penny! You would have been so proud to hear him say such things. He went on about how Callie was the Tech Support Agent who had taken him off a Musales Hold and brought him through the ultimate upgrade of the Operating System of his heart,
Minako: And it transformed him into Iron Man!
Riku: Wait, is this the Grid?
Crow: *sniffs* Oh, that is beautiful!
Tom Servo: *snuffles* How thoughtful!
and made his thus-far sad and lonely existence 100% compatible with life, the universe and everything.
Abel: Don't you mean 42%?
Sora: Maybe it got to 100% once they added a whale and a bowl of petunias.
Pinkie: *sniffle* I'd be friends with you, Mr. Whale.
Riku: 'Oh, no, not again.'
I was so moved I made Jeff quote every tech specification he could remember while we made love that night.
Minako: Andrea: And I suppose you can call that DIGITAL LOVE! *baddum tsss*
Liz: That was one electrical night, I'll tell you what!
Riku: *Looks to both.* ReBoot to the head.
You have no idea how hot that stuff can make a girl! We should try to get you a computer nerd of your own.'
Liz: ...well I guess it'd turn you on more than comic book talk, but only marginally.
Harvey: ...kid can we not?
Liz: I'm just saying. Have you heard Linkara trying to be romantic?
Harvey: I tried offerin' date suggestions once. Think that was right before he dragged you to that con...that might've been my fault.
Liz: ...you know, I wondered about that.
Penelope barely registered the last of Andrea's tale, as the harsh reality of the situation struck her with all the destructive force of reality.
Minako: Penelope: They put CHICKEN in my salad!!
Mike: I...I think they've kinda lost their metaphor at this point.
Epsilon: I don't know that they had one, really.
Bruce had no feelings for her.
Liz: *LE GASP* NO!
Harvey: *cues dramatic soap opera chord*
Sora: He only had feelings for STEAK!
Riku: And even then, he only liked that saucy thing because it was RICH!
That demanding woman had rebooted his memory, erasing all the good, warm, tender history they'd shared.
Minako: That's what happens when you upgrade to Windows 8!
Abel: Ohhh that explains it! They're all robots!
Crow: Not even good robots.
Epsilon: Seriously.
Phineas: So a system restore should fix that right up!
Riku: Wouldn't it just be easier to replace the entire thing?
She was nothing but a part of that 'sad and lonely existence' from which he was fleeing. He felt nothing for the time they'd shared.
Riku: ...Was he Xemnas?
Nothing for all the amazingly raunchy and kinky things she'd allowed him to do to her (or had she do to him)
Minako: Programming C++ to the sweet chords of Night Ranger can make for some very orgasmic moments, let me tell you.
Tom Servo: Yeeeah baby, shake that processor!
when his Internet explorations had introduced him to one of the many particularly exotic forms of foreplay that had kept them abed on many a night, and many a feigned sick day from work.
Liz: Many an awkward mumbled excuse at the dry-cleaner.
Riku: *Sinks in his seat, more and more glad his girl wasn't here.*
Penelope's vision slowly closed in on her,
Riku: Ready to make a killing blow...
leaving her finally aware of only two things: Andrea licking her lips while describing the decadently delicious German Black Forest wedding cake.
Pinkie: Huh. See, I would've gone with something a little more white for a wedding cake. But I'm not allowed to do weddings anymore after The Wedding Cannon incident anyway!
Sora: ...Which incident?
The thought 'Why did Henry Archer have to die? Why couldn't it have been Bruce?'
Minako: Because he's Batman.
Mike: We've been asking ourselves that every experiment this story's been in.
With that, she lapsed into unconsciousness, earning a bruise on her forehead from her fork, and a crouton up her nose
Riku: And that's not supposed to be funny?
Minako: That must be one imposing nostril you have, Penelope!
Epsilon: Or a really small crouton.
before buff Greg carried her to the manager's office, and called 911.
Liz: In that order. And not a single fuck was given.
Tom Servo: Just people collapsing, nothing to worry about! Go on with your lives, citizens!
------- Chapter 15 --------
"Thanks, honey, I'll be right there!" she caroled,
Minako: Yvonne: ~And a partridge in a peeear treee!~
Sora: I think you mean: Feliz Navidad!
Pinkie: Da-da da da!
Sora: ~Feliz Navidad!
Riku: For Christmas I think we just got things back to normal... *But he rights Cambot*
and snapped the phone shut. "Gotta run," she told Uncle Roger, and took off through the crowd.
Pinkie: GOTTA GO FAST!
Liz: Whoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoop!
Minako: Time to speed, keed!
Tom and Crow: *Benny Hill theme song*
* * *
She should have known, Yvonne reflected bitterly.
Pinkie: 'Cause she knew you were trouble when you walked in!
God knows Callie had e-mailed her enough pictures while the wedding was in its planning stages. Trouble was, she'd never been able to get the attachments to open.
Mike: Well then stop using Netscape.
They were bin-hexed, or something like that.
Tom Servo: Isn't that a 'Reboot' villain?
Minako: They got shanghaied by Sark.
Riku: Or Clu.
Probably a virus.
Harvey: And every time she called a tech guy to help, she just got overwhelmed by his sexy computer lingo and...well, let's just say the problem never got fixed.
Minako: The MCP has discovered online registries! Sark demands more concripts from Bridesrus.com!
Sora: *waves arms* Somebody call Tron, QUICK!
Riku: No, try Kevin Flynn!
Minako: Do you have his e-mail? It might be quicker!
But even without seeing the pictures, it should have occurred to her that if anyone in the world were capable of picking out non-sucky bridesmaids' dresses, it was Callie.
Minako: I could do better. I mean, blood red just screams 'transparent villainess'.
And so she'd discovered, when she'd arrived at the church and gotten a glimpse of them. They weren't sucky at all.
Liz: --said nobody ever.
Mike: Because those are the only two options! Sucky and non-sucky!
Epsilon: I think someone need to work on their vocabulary. It's like dealing with the aliens at home.
Sora: What aliens?
Epsilon: They were big, worshiped technology, and everything they said was honk or blarg.
Not the problem.
"Oh lord," she'd said out loud. "It's practically the same dress -- and hat!"
Sora: As...what?
Minako: As HITLER! *At this, Cambot throws some streamers and rolls out a banner that says 'Congratulations, you've just involved Godwin's Law!'*
Liz: ...how long has that been set up?
Epsilon: Don't know, but it was well earned.
She'd had just enough time to dash back to her car to grab a lightweight shawl she'd providentially left lying on the back seat two weeks earlier, then come back and find an out-of-the-way seat at the rear of the church. During the ceremony, who'd be looking at her anyway?
Crow: God would be looking, Davey!
But that wasn't going to work during the reception. At close range the shawl just looked tatty, and when she was standing up it did nothing to camouflage the rest of her gown-so distinctive, with its subtly off-shade organza overdress that looked like absolutely nothing else being worn at the party Š except by the bridesmaids, of course.
Abel: Frig, guys! I think they dropped the plot! *starts checking under the seats*
Sora: They're starting to write it in wingdings!
Epsilon: Wingdings would make more sense.
Sometimes, life is just not fair.
Mike: When life gives you lemons, pretend you know the guy who called your wrong number and then make a dress out of the lemons.
Liz: ...and that's it then. *starts to stand up* So...I guess this is it guys. Our last riff.
Sora: I guess it is, huh?
Minako: ....Yeah. Yeah, it is.
Epsilon: Guess that's a good thing.
Liz: I'm....kinda gonna miss this, actually.
Harvey: Like hell am I gonna miss Atlanta Nights...but I get your point for the rest of it.
Sora: Yeah. You guys made it all right!
Mike: Mmmm. Yeah.
Riku: Yeah... Much as I hated getting stuck here, it really wasn't too bad.
Liz: ....GROUP HUG! *suddenly glomps Mike and everybody in arm's reach*
Pinkie: YAAAAAAAAAAAY! *oddly stretchy pony arms pull everybody else in too*
Sora: Ooof!
Riku: *Cambot's recording the entire thing. Still not a hugger and is awkwardly pulled in, but seems okay with it.*
Minako: *bursts into tears*
Epsilon: Geez. Just like dealing with Caboose. *not that he's really complaining.*
Phineas: All the time I was on the Satellite of Love was great!
By Travis Tea
Abel: *slinks in and sits down* Eh, may as well see what all the fuss is about.
Pinkie: *puts party hats on him/everyone else* LET'S DO THIS!!!
Harvey: ...we do know this story's incredibly inappropriate for ponies, yeah?
Sora: I don't think it's been that great for anyone, really!
Epsilon: Then why the fuck are we here? I want out.
Riku: *Takes a seat next to Sora* To show 'em we're not afraid. *His Cambot seems to be clingy and has followed him in*
Minako: Because this is THE FINAL SACRIFICE!
Pinkie: It's FUUUUUUUUN!
Sora: And it's a way to stick it to those mad scientist guys!
Epsilon: Fair enough.
Pinkie: Anyway, it's only...ONE RIFF MORE!
Liz: Let's try to keep Les Miz to a minimum here, it's sad enough as it is.
Phineas: Let's make it the best riff ever!
Liz: *looks over, surprised* Hey stranger, when'd you get here?
Phineas: Uhh... Huh, just now I guess. Weird.
Liz: Huh. Well, have a seat!
Penelope sat, sipping a Peach Martini (her third) while the staff hustled all around her table. She hadn't been back to Atlanta's Food 101
Liz: She never even graduated German Beers 103.
Epsilon: So we have food education?
Minako: OH! Right! This takes place in Atlanta!
Harvey: Unfortunately.
Sora: Is that related to Atlantica at all?
Aqua: I don't think so.
Riku: Though it looks like she's drinking like a fish.
restaurant since graduating college, but it had the merits of terrific food, no loud music, and excellent bartender, and, above all else, there was absolutely no connection to her time with Bruce.
Minako: Bruce Wayne?
Liz: Bruce Banner?
Pinkie: Bruce the Shark?
She had no few fond memories of the place, and the memories were justified. Just since she'd arrived, no fewer than 3 guys (2 Pro hockey players and a Minor League pitcher) had hit on her.
Sora: ...Hopefully not with hockey sticks or baseball bats.
Minako: No no, hopefully with them!
Epsilon: That would would be more interesting. This sucks.
Abel: Well that was oddly specific.
Riku: She must be keeping score.
Once, she would have enjoyed their attentions.
Phineas: But twice was asking for a little much.
Now, she was impatiently awaiting Andrea's arrival.
Andrea who never came on time unless she happened to be laying on someone's watch during sex.
Tom Servo: HEY-OOOOO!
Harvey: Classy as ever, I see.
Liz: She had eyes on the back of her spine!
Riku: *Rubs bridge of nose*
Andrea who was gorgeous in ways even Penelope could appreciate,
90s Kid: If you know what I mean. *waggles eyebrows*
Harvey: *Gibbs slap* Kid!
90s Kid: OW! Geez, why does everybody do that?
Aqua: *just gives him a Look*
Riku: *Continues to rub bridge of nose, pushes Cam away*
since Bruce had never given Andrea a second glance.
Riku: He barely had a first glance to spare.
Yet, she was engaged to Bruce's college roommate, Jeff, and still had managed to retain her friendship with Penelope despite Jeff's requests not to.
Pinkie: But...why wouldn't he want her to have friends?
Sora: Wasn't this story always including both first and last names for characters? Whatever happened to that?
Minako: Maybe they're foundlings.
Penelope was just signaling her buff, young waiter Greg to bring another Martini when Andrea appeared, striding swift toward her table. Her lean, 5-6 frame
Abel: What, did she just come from art class?
and dancers leg with calves
Minako: Moooo.
Mike: Now I'm picturing a bunch of baby cows doing a ballet.
Liz: It'd certainly be more interesting than this. Maybe that's the next sequel to Fantasia.
Phineas: Ferb, make a note! Cow ballet! ...Oh right, he's not here.
Riku: Just when you think you've seen everything...
pulling tautly as she approached, had heads turning up-and-down the aisle. When she bent over and kissed Penelope on the cheek, 2 guys nearly fell off their chairs,
Liz: Typical.
Sora: This restaurant should get better chairs.
Riku: *Blinking as he's staring like he's watching a trainwreck, half-heartedly replying,* Or less alcohol.
Epsilon: I haven't used real chairs in a while, but I agree. *seeing as he is levitating above the seat*
and another received a vicious, teeth-rattling smack from his female companion.
Tom Servo: Wuah-wuah-wuah-wuaaaaaah!
Epsilon: Geez. It's like dealing with Tex. Except hers was less slapping and more flashbangs.
Riku: *Sinks in seat a little uncomfortably, suddenly and for once glad Namine isn't here. Cambot sinks with him to nearly sit on his head.*
Andrea was breathless, causing her chest to heave enough to sea sicken even the mightiest of sailors.
Minako: *sings* The weather started getting rough, Andrea's boobs were tossed~
Riku: *Boy the bridge of his nose must feel like it has its own masseuse by now.*
Liz: ...thank you for that image.
Harvey: *looks at 90s Kid, Gibbs slaps for good measure*
90s Kid: HEY! What'd I do?!
Mike: Is this story using Dead Or Alive physics?
"I'm so sorry I'm late. We were in a planning meeting this morning when the main server failed, and it's been nonstop phone time with our clients all day." So spoke Ms. Temporary Secretary.
Minako: Andrea Temporary Secretary. Sounds unwieldy.
Pinkie: I would just go with Andrea, too.
Crow: Maybe her last name is a double name! She had the last name Temporary, and her husband was Secretary.
Riku: *Sits back up, hits his head on Cambot* Or her mom wanted to be cruel with her middle name.
Penelope waved over Greg. "It's OK. Let's just get you a drink."
Harvey: Yeah, it's probably the only way anyone can survive this story. *pointed look at Liz*
Liz:No.
Epsilon: *grumbling* That wouldn't be fair to those of us that can't enjoy alcohol.
Within moments there were delivered 2 Peach Martini, and a Sex on The Beach for Andrea.
Abel: And also a cocktail. HI-OOOO!
Sora: ...Drinks have weird names.
Epsilon: If you think that's bad? There's worse.
Sora: Like what?
Phineas: Crystal Pepsi!
Riku: You mean Crystal Soda?
The women sipped and made small talk over a plate of appetizers, though Penelope was itching to get to her main concern.
Liz: She had this brilliant idea for a stage routine.
Minako: Penelope: Do we have last names!? I NEED TO KNOW!!
Pinkie: *in an Eighth Doctor wig* WHO AM IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?!?
Phineas: 2-4-6-oh... Sorry, Liz.
Penelope's simple Caesar Salad and Andrea's North Georgia Trout
Minako: Both walked into a bar--now stop me if you've heard this one before!
Crow: We have! THAT WAS NUMBER FIIIIIVE!
had finally arrived when she finally broached the main issue.
Tom Servo: This story certainly has some capital issues!
"Are you going to tell me? Or are we both going to pretend it never happened?"
Pinkie: I know, I know! Let's do the second one!
Epsilon: Better for everyone's sanity.
Andrea said with a sigh, "How about let's do that, Penny? It's done. Terminado. Do we have to go through all the details? The Pre-Nup is singed,
Riku: *Turning behind him to shout as if to someone:* Again, Lea, are you KIDDING?!
Minako: Forged in the fires of Mount Doom...
Pinkie: *hunches* My...preciousssssss...
the rings are exchanged, and the gift checks cashed. Let it go. Let him go."
Liz: * sings* Bismilla, NO, she will not let him go!
Sora: *sings* Let him gooooo!
Abel: *sings* She'll not let him go!
Harvey: *sings* Let him goooo!
Mike: *sings* She'll not let him go!
Crow: Will not let him go!
Tom Servo: Will not let him go!
Everybody: No no no no no no no!
Minako: MAMA MIA MAMA MIAAA!
Harvey: Mama mia, let him go!
Sora: BE-EEEEEEEL-ZEBUB! Has the devil put aside for me!
Pinkie: *leaps up onto seat* FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! *suddenly, she starts riffing on an electric guitar*
Liz: *fucking headbangs!*
Riku: *Popcorn.gif*
Penelope shook her head, her ponytail waving behind her as if to swat a platoon of troublesome flies.
Sora: It really is a pony tail!
Pinkie: SEE? *waves hers in the air, swatting away a platoon of troublesome flies*
Liz: Where did those come from?
Aqua: It might be better to not ask.
"I need to hear it, Andrea. I need to hear it for myself before I can relegate him to the arms of that woman, and move on. Once you tell me about the wedding, I can put Bruce behind me for good."
Minako: Penelope: Even as I prepare to stalk him like a plot in a Lifetime movie!
Mike: *as Penelope* Get thee behind me, Satan...I mean Bruce!
Pinkie: Be hers, or you will buuuuuurn!
A small, childlike part of her petulantly crossed the dainty fingers of her left hand where it lay out of sight in her lap.
Crow: Kinda...creepy imagery there...
Andrea took a deep breath that nearly shattered the already precarious equilibrium of her blouse's buttons.
Tom Servo: WOOAH Nelly!
Liz: *hastily covers 90s Kid's eyes*
90s Kid: Hey!!!
Riku: *Averts eyes for good measure*
Minako: Geeze, its called get the right size!
"All right. If you really need to torture yourself, I will. The ceremony and reception were held at the Archer place."
Sora: *as Andrea* I'll have the rack and thumbscrews all ready for you!
Penelope snorted. "It was probably as much an exorcism of her husband's spirit as it was a wedding."
Riku: They were also prepared to steak the vampire best man.
90s Kid: Dude, we totally should've had that at our wedding.
Harvey: I have no doubt of that.
Andrea raised her hand with all the authority of a 20-year veteran school crossing guard on a rainy Spring afternoon.
Sora: *just bursts out laughing* W-what? What does that even mean?!
Riku: *Smirk* That she needs a new job. *Shoos away his Cambot*
Minako: School veteran crossing guards empty into the streets in protest!
"If you're going to be like that, I'm not going to continue. Jeff isn't thrilled that you and I are still friends, but out of respect for me, let's just get this over with."
Minako: ...Are they implying that these two women...?
Liz: *as Geoge Takei* Oh my~
Pinkie: ...I don't get it.
Abel: Don't worry about it, small pink thing.
Penelope nodded. "Sorry. Go on."
Andrea nibbled as she spoke, covering the initially distasteful taste of the tale with the smoky richness of restaurants' special recipe BBQ sauce.
90s Kid: ...most people just put that stuff on their steak, dudette.
Mike: Betcha this story is really high in calories.
Phineas: That's what makes the barbecue sauce so special!
Riku: It makes her story taste better than this story. Anybody got an antacid?
"There were only about 50 guests, mostly on Bruce's side.
Riku: One sat on his shoulders, though.
Callie doesn't have much family, and I guess most of her guests were business associates from Archer's business."
Andrea paused for a sip of Sex
Liz: ...*opens her mouth*
Harvey: Kid. No.
Liz: ...you're right. I'm above that joke.
Sora: *EYEBROW RAISE*
Riku: *...eye rub*
before plunging on with all the subtlety of the neckline of her favorite blouse.
Minako: Here I thought this was your favorite blouse~!
Riku: *Pained, covers Cambot lens* This girl needs to stop advertising...
"Before you ruin this already awkward story, yes, Callie wore white. And her bouquet was Calla Lillies. Cute touch, no? That Personal Assistant of hers . . . Maude? ... Milicent? ...
Sora: ...Maleficent?
Riku: That explains everything.
Liz: Guess they learned their lesson after that birthday party.
whoever . . . was the Maid of Honor. Bruce and Jeff wore gray tuxes, with white sneakers.
Harvey: *twitch* They...wore...sneakers?
90s Kid: I know, right? Why couldn't they wear chucks like everybody else?
Harvey: *suddenly makes a desperate grab for the flask Liz took away*
Liz: *NOPE, holds it out of his reach*
It was a very simple ceremony, and Bruce's mother cried the whole time.
Riku: If I married anyone in this story, my mom'd cry, too.
Sora: *as Bruce's mother* WHY DOESN'T HE REMEMBER MAKING HAMBURGERS WITH MEEEE
Minako: Penelope: WHY DOESN'T HE REMEMBER THAT I'M A VEGETARIAAAAAAN
Abel: *as anybody* WHY AM I IN THIS STORYYYYYYYY
Crow: *slowly slides up behind everyone and whispers* Artichokes.
Liz: *looks back at him* I'll artichoke you.
To be honest, I half-expected you to jump out of the shrubbery, or from a helicopter, or something screaming
Pinkie: STOP! IN THE NAAAAME OF LOVE!
Liz: *does her best Reb Brown scream* DAKOOOOTAAAAAAA!
Tom Servo: HERE I AM IN THE HYDRANGIA BUSH!
'Stop this mockery of a marriage!' when the minister asked if anyone knew any reason why these two should not be married.'
Minako: ...So why didn't she if she thought it was a mockery? That would be almost Michael Bay esque!
Liz: Needs more aliens or animal crackers.
Pinkie: Or explosions! *fires party cannon into air*
Sora: Woooo! *fistpump*
Riku: *Thumbs up*
Phineas: That wasn't really much of a reason...
Penelope glowered a bit, but Andrea rushed ahead having warmed greatly to her tale.
Minako: Andrea Temporary Secretary! She relishes in crushing your dreams!
"Jeff gave a marvelous toast.
Abel: Butterside up!
Sora: Nuh-uh, butterside down!
He told that story about the night Bruce and those basketball players stole all the bread that had been delivered to the college cafeteria, and there was no bread for meals the next day,
90s Kid: And that's how he made the toast!
and how he woke Jeff at 3 a.m., and clobbered him with a loaf of French bread, and there was bread all over the floor of their room, and
Minako: I'm sorry but...what does this have to do with living in Atlanta?
Sora: So they basically acted out that Eddie Izzard joke!
Jeff ended up cleaning it up, but how they've stayed friends ever since.
Harvey: . . . .why?
Epsilon: Why not? I was with Tex, and she shot me. That's nothing.
That story still cracks me up, though I guess it's more touching now that I see what a bonding moment it was for them."
Riku: I'd say she's touched.
Mike: Haha, getting hit in the face with bread! How charming.
Phineas: I'll have to remember to tell Ferb to add that to the list, too!
Penelope waited while Andrea finished off the last of her ribs.
Phineas: *very unsure* Waaait, whose ribs?
Much as she generally liked Andrea, the girl had a certain flighty -- no, make that "airheaded"
Minako: You say that like its a bad thing!
-- quality to her personality that was scratching at Penelope's nerves like a cat with 7 paws in a sofa factory.
Liz: Wait, how'd that happen? Poor kitty!
Riku: ...Why seven? Why is everything seven?
Why couldn't she see that Bruce's marriage was not a subject to be taken humorously.
Minako: THAT IS HER MAN DAMNIT! Harvey, hold my flower!
Harvey: I got your flower, kid. Go kick his ass.
Minako: Liz, hold my cat!
Liz: I got your cat!
90s Kid: Can I hold--
Minako: Sora, hold my wet t-shirt!
Sora: I got your--- *pause* ...Wait, do I have to?
Minako: *waves impatiently* TAKE IT
90s Kid: I can--
Sora: Okay fine! *takes it...ugh, it's wet*
Riku: *Snickers*
Minako: ...90's Kid!!
90s Kid: *:D?*
Minako: *suddenly picks up and tosses HIM* Epsilon, hold my 90's Kid!
Pinkie: *INTERCEPTION* I GOT HIM!
90s Kid: ....I think I just got rejected. .....wait, did she say her 90s Kid?! *suddenly looks hopeful*
Epsilon: ... Holding anyone would require me to have hands...
Tom Servo: It's okay, working arms are overrated anyway!
Pinkie: *squeezes 90s Kid like teddy bear*
Andrea let out a burp, not so manly a belch as to attract undue attention to them, but not so ladylike that one or two heads did not turn their way again.
Riku: *Sounding bored* Four point one. Weak.
Tom Servo: You know what this calls for now...
Crow: Burping contest!
90s Kid: Ooh! Ooh! I'll get the Coke! *wriggles out of Pinkie's forelegs*
Wiping her mouth delicately and fiddling about with the few tiny fish bones on her plate, she went blithely on.
Mike: Think someone left some extra adverbs on the plate, too.
Phineas: Oh, so she was eating fish ribs?
Aqua: I... guess?
'And their vows were so lovely, Penny. They wrote them themselves, and I never knew a computer geek like Bruce could be so eloquent.
Phineas: But smart people usually are more eloquent...
Callie went first, and she said the loveliest things about Bruce and them and their relationship.
Abel: Allow me to share all the details with the jealous ex in loving, tooth-grinding detail!
Epsilon: It's like she's trying to make it worse.
How he had pulled her up from the deepest depths of her mourning, and given her reason to rise from her bed in the morning light,
Riku: ...Mourning. ...Morning.
and yet still more and greater reason to return to it at nightfall.
Minako: Bow chicka bow wow...
Crow: This is our sauciest Atlanta Night yet!
Phineas: Cause of the barbecue sauce, right?
She swore to love him all the days of his life.'
Harvey: His life? That sounds ominous.
Riku: He's... Dying. To have her.
Liz: *sings* SO NOW HE'S PRAYIN' FOR THE END OF TIME TO HURRY UP AND ARRIVE~
Penelope's mind decided this was a fine moment to play heckler to this divine comedy.
Minako: Dante disapproves.
Riku: Nothing divine about this.
Sora: I knew this story was another ring in hell!
'Wonderful. She means to outlive this husband, too!'
Harvey: *FROZEN IN UTTER HORROR*
Riku: *Thumbs to Harvey* You called it.
Minako: I dunno, I thought Natasha Romanova would be less obvious.
Harvey: I...I've been reading too much of this. It's gettin' in my head!
Andrea was oblivious to this bleak internal exchange. 'And Bruce's vows. Oh, Penny! You would have been so proud to hear him say such things. He went on about how Callie was the Tech Support Agent who had taken him off a Musales Hold and brought him through the ultimate upgrade of the Operating System of his heart,
Minako: And it transformed him into Iron Man!
Riku: Wait, is this the Grid?
Crow: *sniffs* Oh, that is beautiful!
Tom Servo: *snuffles* How thoughtful!
and made his thus-far sad and lonely existence 100% compatible with life, the universe and everything.
Abel: Don't you mean 42%?
Sora: Maybe it got to 100% once they added a whale and a bowl of petunias.
Pinkie: *sniffle* I'd be friends with you, Mr. Whale.
Riku: 'Oh, no, not again.'
I was so moved I made Jeff quote every tech specification he could remember while we made love that night.
Minako: Andrea: And I suppose you can call that DIGITAL LOVE! *baddum tsss*
Liz: That was one electrical night, I'll tell you what!
Riku: *Looks to both.* ReBoot to the head.
You have no idea how hot that stuff can make a girl! We should try to get you a computer nerd of your own.'
Liz: ...well I guess it'd turn you on more than comic book talk, but only marginally.
Harvey: ...kid can we not?
Liz: I'm just saying. Have you heard Linkara trying to be romantic?
Harvey: I tried offerin' date suggestions once. Think that was right before he dragged you to that con...that might've been my fault.
Liz: ...you know, I wondered about that.
Penelope barely registered the last of Andrea's tale, as the harsh reality of the situation struck her with all the destructive force of reality.
Minako: Penelope: They put CHICKEN in my salad!!
Mike: I...I think they've kinda lost their metaphor at this point.
Epsilon: I don't know that they had one, really.
Bruce had no feelings for her.
Liz: *LE GASP* NO!
Harvey: *cues dramatic soap opera chord*
Sora: He only had feelings for STEAK!
Riku: And even then, he only liked that saucy thing because it was RICH!
That demanding woman had rebooted his memory, erasing all the good, warm, tender history they'd shared.
Minako: That's what happens when you upgrade to Windows 8!
Abel: Ohhh that explains it! They're all robots!
Crow: Not even good robots.
Epsilon: Seriously.
Phineas: So a system restore should fix that right up!
Riku: Wouldn't it just be easier to replace the entire thing?
She was nothing but a part of that 'sad and lonely existence' from which he was fleeing. He felt nothing for the time they'd shared.
Riku: ...Was he Xemnas?
Nothing for all the amazingly raunchy and kinky things she'd allowed him to do to her (or had she do to him)
Minako: Programming C++ to the sweet chords of Night Ranger can make for some very orgasmic moments, let me tell you.
Tom Servo: Yeeeah baby, shake that processor!
when his Internet explorations had introduced him to one of the many particularly exotic forms of foreplay that had kept them abed on many a night, and many a feigned sick day from work.
Liz: Many an awkward mumbled excuse at the dry-cleaner.
Riku: *Sinks in his seat, more and more glad his girl wasn't here.*
Penelope's vision slowly closed in on her,
Riku: Ready to make a killing blow...
leaving her finally aware of only two things: Andrea licking her lips while describing the decadently delicious German Black Forest wedding cake.
Pinkie: Huh. See, I would've gone with something a little more white for a wedding cake. But I'm not allowed to do weddings anymore after The Wedding Cannon incident anyway!
Sora: ...Which incident?
The thought 'Why did Henry Archer have to die? Why couldn't it have been Bruce?'
Minako: Because he's Batman.
Mike: We've been asking ourselves that every experiment this story's been in.
With that, she lapsed into unconsciousness, earning a bruise on her forehead from her fork, and a crouton up her nose
Riku: And that's not supposed to be funny?
Minako: That must be one imposing nostril you have, Penelope!
Epsilon: Or a really small crouton.
before buff Greg carried her to the manager's office, and called 911.
Liz: In that order. And not a single fuck was given.
Tom Servo: Just people collapsing, nothing to worry about! Go on with your lives, citizens!
------- Chapter 15 --------
Less than sixty seconds after she'd come through the front door at Bruce Lucent and Callie Archer's wedding reception, Yvonne Perrin knew she was in trouble.
Abel: The dames always are.
Sora: *looks nervous* ...Wait, did this story suddenly enter the Mirrorverse?
Liz: If anybody in this story is wearing a gold vest, I'm leaving.
Minako: We should talk backwards!
Liz: How about no. I'm already trying to keep one person in this room dry, let's not tempt me too.
Pinkie: !nuf eb dluoc ti kniht I
Epsilon: .si ti esruoc fO
Sora: How'd you guys DO that?
Epsilon: Playing my audio in reverse.
Riku: *As he looks at Cambot, who's upside-down* And Pinkie's Pinkie.
"Hey there! How's my very favoritest bridesmaid?"
Phineas: Let's find her and ask!
Yvonne looked around just in time to dodge a beefy-faced and obviously drunk man who was trying to kiss her.
Harvey: Stab 'im in the gut, kid.
Riku: Given the beef I'd recommend the face.
Mike: Oh, Yvonne dodges the drunken idiot at the 40, and now there's nothing but daylight!
"I'm not-"
Crow: --At all appealing!
"You remember me-I'm Uncle Roger!" he said. "I was at the rehearsal dinner."
Liz: *as Uncle Roger* Sorry I'm late, I had an incident with a baby at home getting onto the kitchen stove!
He tottered slightly, then pulled a mashed-looking disposable camera out of his pocket.
Minako: ...How the hell do you mash up a disposable camera in your pocket?
Sora: Maybe he was leaning against that stove or something.
Abel: Too many refrigerators to the head.
"Let's get one of these nice people to take our picture together, huh?"
She knew how that would work:
Minako: Judge Doom would crash the party with his weasels and start playing Pop Goes The Weasel...
Liz: And then they'll break out the dip and NOBODY'S shoes would be safe.
Pinkie: ...nopony let Fluttershy watch that movie, okie-dokie?
he'd get his arm around her for a good long grope and a couple of wet kisses,
Crow: Ewww, what is he, a Saint Bernard?
Abel: Saint Bernards don't usually DRINK the brandy.
while some other hapless guest took forever to figure out the camera's dead-simple controls.
Phineas: So you only have to do 12 things to take a picture?
She privately vowed that if she couldn't get out of it, she was going to do the whole thing with a lovely smile on her face and one of her spike heels planted squarely in the middle of Uncle Roger's foot.
Liz: Too nice!
Mike: Yeah, hit 'im in the gut, too!
Mercifully, the little cellphone in her handbag chose that moment to start ringing. She transferred the bag to her Uncle-Roger-side hand, made an apologetic "just a sec" face,
Minako: The stiletto assault will happen!
and flipped open the phone.
"Maria Lisa?" said an unfamiliar voice.
Sora: ...Mona Lisa?
Riku: Maza, Elisa?
Yvonne beamed. "Hi, honey! I've been looking for you, too."
"Maria? Estas?"
Harvey: *sings* MaaaaaaaaRIaaaaa!
Sora: *sings* How do you solve a problem like Maria~
The guy on the phone sounded urgent. That was probably why he'd dialed the wrong
number.
"Estoy en mi casa. Necesito ir a mi trabajo."
Minako: ...What happened to the story? Its different again somehow...
Harvey: We've left the Mirror Universe to enter...The Twilight Zone.
Liz: Or maybe somebody told the author 'front and center!' and they took it literally.
"They are? Right now?" Yvonne turned and made a quick "this is going to take a teeny
bit longer" gesture to Uncle Roger,
Minako: The beating will commence soon enough!
then went back to the call. "Tell them to wait and I'll be right there."
Abel: The dames always are.
Sora: *looks nervous* ...Wait, did this story suddenly enter the Mirrorverse?
Liz: If anybody in this story is wearing a gold vest, I'm leaving.
Minako: We should talk backwards!
Liz: How about no. I'm already trying to keep one person in this room dry, let's not tempt me too.
Pinkie: !nuf eb dluoc ti kniht I
Epsilon: .si ti esruoc fO
Sora: How'd you guys DO that?
Epsilon: Playing my audio in reverse.
Riku: *As he looks at Cambot, who's upside-down* And Pinkie's Pinkie.
"Hey there! How's my very favoritest bridesmaid?"
Phineas: Let's find her and ask!
Yvonne looked around just in time to dodge a beefy-faced and obviously drunk man who was trying to kiss her.
Harvey: Stab 'im in the gut, kid.
Riku: Given the beef I'd recommend the face.
Mike: Oh, Yvonne dodges the drunken idiot at the 40, and now there's nothing but daylight!
"I'm not-"
Crow: --At all appealing!
"You remember me-I'm Uncle Roger!" he said. "I was at the rehearsal dinner."
Liz: *as Uncle Roger* Sorry I'm late, I had an incident with a baby at home getting onto the kitchen stove!
He tottered slightly, then pulled a mashed-looking disposable camera out of his pocket.
Minako: ...How the hell do you mash up a disposable camera in your pocket?
Sora: Maybe he was leaning against that stove or something.
Abel: Too many refrigerators to the head.
"Let's get one of these nice people to take our picture together, huh?"
She knew how that would work:
Minako: Judge Doom would crash the party with his weasels and start playing Pop Goes The Weasel...
Liz: And then they'll break out the dip and NOBODY'S shoes would be safe.
Pinkie: ...nopony let Fluttershy watch that movie, okie-dokie?
he'd get his arm around her for a good long grope and a couple of wet kisses,
Crow: Ewww, what is he, a Saint Bernard?
Abel: Saint Bernards don't usually DRINK the brandy.
while some other hapless guest took forever to figure out the camera's dead-simple controls.
Phineas: So you only have to do 12 things to take a picture?
She privately vowed that if she couldn't get out of it, she was going to do the whole thing with a lovely smile on her face and one of her spike heels planted squarely in the middle of Uncle Roger's foot.
Liz: Too nice!
Mike: Yeah, hit 'im in the gut, too!
Mercifully, the little cellphone in her handbag chose that moment to start ringing. She transferred the bag to her Uncle-Roger-side hand, made an apologetic "just a sec" face,
Minako: The stiletto assault will happen!
and flipped open the phone.
"Maria Lisa?" said an unfamiliar voice.
Sora: ...Mona Lisa?
Riku: Maza, Elisa?
Yvonne beamed. "Hi, honey! I've been looking for you, too."
"Maria? Estas?"
Harvey: *sings* MaaaaaaaaRIaaaaa!
Sora: *sings* How do you solve a problem like Maria~
The guy on the phone sounded urgent. That was probably why he'd dialed the wrong
number.
"Estoy en mi casa. Necesito ir a mi trabajo."
Minako: ...What happened to the story? Its different again somehow...
Harvey: We've left the Mirror Universe to enter...The Twilight Zone.
Liz: Or maybe somebody told the author 'front and center!' and they took it literally.
"They are? Right now?" Yvonne turned and made a quick "this is going to take a teeny
bit longer" gesture to Uncle Roger,
Minako: The beating will commence soon enough!
then went back to the call. "Tell them to wait and I'll be right there."
"Por favor, Maria--estoy muy tarde para mi trabajo."
90s Kid: Let me continue to talk to you even though you're clearly the wrong person and speaking a language I don't understand!
Liz: It's just like working in retail!
"Sweetie, where are you? I'm right by the front door."
Mike: You know, they're almost talking about the same thing...
Yvonne stood on tiptoe and scanned the room, looking for a good escape route. The big arched doorway over to her right looked promising.
Sora: No no, go for the air ducts!
Liz: Swim the moat! Swim the moat!
"Just tell me which way to go, and I'll be there quick as a bunny," she told the guy.
Phineas: 25 miles an hour, not bad!
Riku: Huh. Always wondered that.
He let out a furious burst of idiomatic Spanish and hung up, hard.
Minako: So the author couldn't bother to use Google Translate one last time?
Riku: No, they wanted to have a linguistic phone explosion.
Abel: You give the author too much credit. This is 'took Spanish 1 for half a semester five years ago.'
90s Kid: Let me continue to talk to you even though you're clearly the wrong person and speaking a language I don't understand!
Liz: It's just like working in retail!
"Sweetie, where are you? I'm right by the front door."
Mike: You know, they're almost talking about the same thing...
Yvonne stood on tiptoe and scanned the room, looking for a good escape route. The big arched doorway over to her right looked promising.
Sora: No no, go for the air ducts!
Liz: Swim the moat! Swim the moat!
"Just tell me which way to go, and I'll be there quick as a bunny," she told the guy.
Phineas: 25 miles an hour, not bad!
Riku: Huh. Always wondered that.
He let out a furious burst of idiomatic Spanish and hung up, hard.
Minako: So the author couldn't bother to use Google Translate one last time?
Riku: No, they wanted to have a linguistic phone explosion.
Abel: You give the author too much credit. This is 'took Spanish 1 for half a semester five years ago.'
"Thanks, honey, I'll be right there!" she caroled,
Minako: Yvonne: ~And a partridge in a peeear treee!~
Sora: I think you mean: Feliz Navidad!
Pinkie: Da-da da da!
Sora: ~Feliz Navidad!
Riku: For Christmas I think we just got things back to normal... *But he rights Cambot*
and snapped the phone shut. "Gotta run," she told Uncle Roger, and took off through the crowd.
Pinkie: GOTTA GO FAST!
Liz: Whoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoop!
Minako: Time to speed, keed!
Tom and Crow: *Benny Hill theme song*
* * *
She should have known, Yvonne reflected bitterly.
Pinkie: 'Cause she knew you were trouble when you walked in!
God knows Callie had e-mailed her enough pictures while the wedding was in its planning stages. Trouble was, she'd never been able to get the attachments to open.
Mike: Well then stop using Netscape.
They were bin-hexed, or something like that.
Tom Servo: Isn't that a 'Reboot' villain?
Minako: They got shanghaied by Sark.
Riku: Or Clu.
Probably a virus.
Harvey: And every time she called a tech guy to help, she just got overwhelmed by his sexy computer lingo and...well, let's just say the problem never got fixed.
Minako: The MCP has discovered online registries! Sark demands more concripts from Bridesrus.com!
Sora: *waves arms* Somebody call Tron, QUICK!
Riku: No, try Kevin Flynn!
Minako: Do you have his e-mail? It might be quicker!
But even without seeing the pictures, it should have occurred to her that if anyone in the world were capable of picking out non-sucky bridesmaids' dresses, it was Callie.
Minako: I could do better. I mean, blood red just screams 'transparent villainess'.
And so she'd discovered, when she'd arrived at the church and gotten a glimpse of them. They weren't sucky at all.
Liz: --said nobody ever.
Mike: Because those are the only two options! Sucky and non-sucky!
Epsilon: I think someone need to work on their vocabulary. It's like dealing with the aliens at home.
Sora: What aliens?
Epsilon: They were big, worshiped technology, and everything they said was honk or blarg.
Not the problem.
"Oh lord," she'd said out loud. "It's practically the same dress -- and hat!"
Sora: As...what?
Minako: As HITLER! *At this, Cambot throws some streamers and rolls out a banner that says 'Congratulations, you've just involved Godwin's Law!'*
Liz: ...how long has that been set up?
Epsilon: Don't know, but it was well earned.
She'd had just enough time to dash back to her car to grab a lightweight shawl she'd providentially left lying on the back seat two weeks earlier, then come back and find an out-of-the-way seat at the rear of the church. During the ceremony, who'd be looking at her anyway?
Crow: God would be looking, Davey!
But that wasn't going to work during the reception. At close range the shawl just looked tatty, and when she was standing up it did nothing to camouflage the rest of her gown-so distinctive, with its subtly off-shade organza overdress that looked like absolutely nothing else being worn at the party Š except by the bridesmaids, of course.
Abel: Frig, guys! I think they dropped the plot! *starts checking under the seats*
Sora: They're starting to write it in wingdings!
Epsilon: Wingdings would make more sense.
Sometimes, life is just not fair.
Mike: When life gives you lemons, pretend you know the guy who called your wrong number and then make a dress out of the lemons.
Liz: ...and that's it then. *starts to stand up* So...I guess this is it guys. Our last riff.
Sora: I guess it is, huh?
Minako: ....Yeah. Yeah, it is.
Epsilon: Guess that's a good thing.
Liz: I'm....kinda gonna miss this, actually.
Harvey: Like hell am I gonna miss Atlanta Nights...but I get your point for the rest of it.
Sora: Yeah. You guys made it all right!
Mike: Mmmm. Yeah.
Riku: Yeah... Much as I hated getting stuck here, it really wasn't too bad.
Liz: ....GROUP HUG! *suddenly glomps Mike and everybody in arm's reach*
Pinkie: YAAAAAAAAAAAY! *oddly stretchy pony arms pull everybody else in too*
Sora: Ooof!
Riku: *Cambot's recording the entire thing. Still not a hugger and is awkwardly pulled in, but seems okay with it.*
Minako: *bursts into tears*
Epsilon: Geez. Just like dealing with Caboose. *not that he's really complaining.*
Phineas: All the time I was on the Satellite of Love was great!