At that, 90s Kid's face turned serious, possibly even scowling. Creepy shadowy things making fun of his hair was one thing, but you did not mess with his best friend forever. He rolled up his sleeves, marching toward the pantry door.

"Stand back, Pinkie Pie! I'll save you!"

The table was easy enough to move aside, and when he saw the chair wedged against the door he decided to make this his Big Damn Hero moment. He set himself, bringing his leg back, and...

"EeeeeeeYAH!" he kicked the chair as hard as he could, sending it flying across the room, freeing the pantry door.

Unfortunately, the top of his calf caught the bottom of the chair as he kicked it. Bruce Lee, he ain't.

"...ow."