itsjustagamerp | When All You Have Is a Hammer

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When All You Have Is a Hammer

Characters: Harry, Hughes, Aqua, Xion, others
Content: Harry's been shot and his duplicate is making a break for life support. Time to settle things, wild west style.
Time: Late in the double's week
Warnings: Violence towards Harry Dresden. ALL OF THEM.

That was the problem with inheriting the original's knowledge of dramatic convention, he knew damn well that he had no future. Oh certainly there was the fact that he lacked the innate inhibitions and concerns of his progenitor, but truth be told that wasn't what had driven him to do what he did. After all, he had inherited a certain tendency to defy convention and buck tradition, but he'd also known from the very moment that he had been created that he was just an obstacle, a one note joke to be overcome and dispatched before the real characters moved on with their storyline. He would serve his purpose, then be discarded with all the bit players and one issue side characters to the waist bin of creative endeavors. Essentially, he was the Lockjaw of the Continuing Adventures of the Satellite of Love.

Really, how could he not want to kill everything after that?

Although, truth be told, the goal was not to kill them, but to kill their story. The whole purpose of this place was to get laughs, to make things funny, and the surest way to kill a comedy was to turn it into a utterly depressing train wreck just at the end. He would turn this story into the Gigli of fictional reviews or die trying. It wasn't like he had anything to lose.

Trying too hard to derail the narrative would, however, likely result in a backlash against him, which was why he'd managed to secure a few tools of comedy to further his scheme. Luckily, he had found just the tools he needed upon discovering some old footage of the 'Legend of Dinosaurs' Riff. Truly, it was fitting that Joel Robinson was the architect of their DOOM.

And so it was that he had spent the time while his fellow Shades were causing endless distractions to seek out every shrew, cricket, ant, iguana, crab, preying mantis, and Allison Hayes's impersonator he could find on the ship, and gathered them in the long corridor leading up to the life support room, which he had also filled with a miniature cardboard mock up of New Yokyodon, containing the greatest landmarks of those cities. Apparently his originator's time spent on building Little Chicago had come in handy. When the inhabitants of the Satellite charged in, they would find themselves caught in his trap.

Though, that was really only stage 1.

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Hughes had several knives tucked away as he made his way down the corridors. At the last second he'd also grabbed some gauze and bandages, which were nicely folded in another pocket. He didn't entertain the idea that Harry was the kind of guy to stop for a minute and let him actually USE the damn things, but he was determined to get the guy patched up as soon as he could. If anything else, maybe Harry would pass out and they could safely bandage him and then tuck him away somewhere while they handled the shade. He'd heard that others were coming to help and he really didn't see how this would be any different than the previous shade encounters.

Oh, if only Hughes knew.

Still, he did feel bad thinking that way (a little bit) but it wasn't often he ran across a man more cocky than a certain Colonel. At least Edward had the excuse of being a kid to explain why he acted the way he did, Hughes wasn't sure WHAT wires were loose in Harry's head but after this he was hoping to find out or maybe even knock a few back into place.

He was at the end of the hall and pulled up short. Partly it was because he realized he should wait for backup (just in case, after all a certain someone had already BEEN injured) but also because up-ahead he wasn't sure if what he was seeing was actually REAL.

"What the hell?"

There was one thing to say about the latest set of mayhem on board the satellite. It had done quite a number on any sort of boredom anyone might have been feeling. Not that she'd wanted to have to deal with anything even remotely like what she'd gone through at home, but it did mean she had a general idea of what to do. Take down the problem, keep things running as they should, and wait for the next thing that needed her attention to crop up.

Or at least, that was the theory. In practice, something always seemed to crop up to keeping things from going as planned. Maybe it was something as simple as not being to foresee ever outcome. Maybe it was simply that she wasn't prepared for everything. But dammit all she was going to try if it meant working herself into an early grave because of it. (Although she did hope it didn't come to that.) But one way or the other she wasn't about to let a shade get to the life support controls. That wasn't how this was going to end!

At least, that was the general plan. Like Hughes, she too pulled up short at the end of the hall. She would admit that hadn't really been up to where the vital controls of the ship had been all that often but she wouldn't have expected any area of the ship to look like that.

"...Is it supposed to look like that?"

Edited 2012-01-25 00:54 (UTC)

Having dealt with a few of the shadows by now, Xion was starting to think of defeating any new ones in terms of a mission. Granted, there was less known about them than any of the Heartless she'd faced, but some things were similar.

Threat/target has been sighted. Work on your own or with others to eliminate it.

There were more people to work with here; so much the better. More people meant a greater chance of success. Even if she didn't know some of them well...She really hadn't known some of the Organization members she'd partnered with, either.

She was so focused on reaching the area where the shadow was supposed to be that she almost ran into Aqua and Hughes. Her question regarding why they were just standing there was forgotten when she saw what they were looking at and she managed to mentally process Aqua's question.

"I...don't think so?"

Really, it was less cockiness, Harry was all too aware of his own failings and mortality and not nearly as confident in his ability to compensate for those factors, and more stubborn determination, a deep sense of personal responsibility, and a sprinkling of self loathing. He would keep going because this was his responsibility, and he would see it through even if it killed him.

Which given the absolute agony he felt every time his movement jarred the bullet wound in his side, it just might. Had he not found some serious painkillers and done some impromptu first aid, he doubted his body would have put up with the crap he was putting it through. Having minimized the blood loss of the largely superficial wound and bandaged it up to keep from tearing it wider, he was at least able to move without too much damage.

Having lived the sort of life that required a knowledge of pain control techniques, some imparted by a Fallen Angel, he even kept a lot of what he felt from his face as he came upon the others, only to go from stoic to utterly befuddled as he gazed at the city.

"Oh great, so you're telling me my Shade isn't just evil, he's a nerd."

Maes glanced back at Aqua, Xion, and Harry as they joined him before turning his attention back to the constructed city. It was enough to take his mind off of Harry's injuries for the moment. "And apparently he's a fast worker. How did he get all of this set up so fast?" He asked as he adjusted his glasses. Maes had seen the Shades do some pretty weird things, but this was exceptionally odd. What purpose did it serve to set up this false city and litter it with bugs and lizards?

He sighed, "I hate to say this, but you don't think something this ridiculous is a trap, do you?" At best it was a mild annoyance. Maes just couldn't comprehend what it's actual purpose was.

Well, it certainly could be a trap. It certainly wasn't doing them any good standing out here and surely the shade was already moving on the other side of the mess in front of them. If that meant running into something that was surely a trap, so be it. They couldn't afford to wait, if it meant the shade was going to be able to get to the life support controls unimpeded.

"Even if it is, I don't think we have time to wait here. The longer we do the more time the shade has to beat us there." If they wanted to get there, the only way forward was through the mess in front of them.

Xion hadn't of the trap possibility, but the shades were intelligent enough to think of such a thing. The thought of deliberately walking into a trap made her uneasy, but Aqua had a point. They really didn't have much time to get past this; which didn't mean they had to be careless.

"Maybe two of us could go first to clear the way?"

They couldn't take another path, and springing the trap themselves at least gave them the advantage of being prepared for anything nasty.

"You know, there is such a thing as too much thinking. Also, sometimes the moment when you think you're about to set off the trap? Yeah, that's when you've already walked into it."

Standing at the edge of the hall was Harry's shade, it's most distinctive feature the neatly trimmed goatee it was sporting on its face. Hands in its pockets, the evil copy stared down the heroes from across the cityscape, it's expression cold.

Raising an eyebrow, Harry snorted at his double's pomposity. "Come on, after all the bad guy's I've cleaned up over the years, you really couldn't have learned to be a little less cliche? I mean, just tell us your evil plan while you're at it."

'I'll do you one better,' it smirked coldly, lifting one hand with a snap of its fingers. 'I'll show you.'

Suddenly the hallway on either side of the group of Riffers parted, revealing a matching cityscape, only sized to them. It only took a moment of glancing to the sides for the final trap to be sprung, and when they turned to look back at the shade the rest of the hallway had grown to match, cardboard set pieces looming over them, thimble sized insects suddenly the size of humans, and foot long lizards now able to give buses a run for their money.

Harry just stood there for a moment, swapping stares with a preying mantis that now looked more than capable of lopping his head off with one swipe of its serrated arm. Finally he looked at the others and said, "Well okay. I'll admit I can see how this might be a bit of a problem."

Aqua was right of course and Maes knew it. He cast a glance towards Harry, wishing there was a way to convince him to go back. He recognized that look though and knew he wasn't going to. Maes turned back to step forward, only to find Harry's shade at the end of the hall. He couldn't hear what it was saying of course, but Harry clearly could. "I don't think we get that luxury, Xion."

Maes was about to say something but, instead, blinked as the hallway changed and shifted. No, that wasn't right. He spun around, eyes wide. "What the hell?"

He turned to Harry, "What did he just DO?"

The suddenly giant city - and the suddenly giant monsters gets a blink from Aqua. Either something very bizarre was happening or not all the shades were stuck under the same power restrictions as they were - and Aqua didn't want to think too much about the latter case. Bad enough they were (apparently) going to be fighting an uphill battle. Right now, she wasn't concerned about the fact that the hallway had apparently shifted and that the insects that had once been harmless were threatening to attack them. It was still an obvious stalling tactic, and surely the over-sized insects wouldn't be any worse than the Unversed.

So with one last deep breath, Aqua stepped into the mess that had once been a hall. She had Rainfell, even if she didn't have her magic. A giant mantis was no real problem - assuming it even felt like attacking. The shade was more of an obvious threat and that was where Aqua focused her attention, as she brought her Keyblade up into a defensive stance.

"Does it matter what he did?"

"Probably not."

What mattered more was dealing with the monster quickly and getting to the shadow. Xion had drawn her sword at Hughes's response to her suggestion, moving into a ready stance that barely wavered with the shift in circumstance.

True, the change was unexpected, but she'd dealt with this kind of unexpected fighting the Heartless. She moved in to back up Aqua, still keeping an eye out for any other surprises.

"We still might want to split up so one or two of us can take care of the shadow. Otherwise he might wear us out with more things like this."

It was a trick several large Heartless had tried.

"Don't look at me, this is way beyond anything I've ever been able to-" Harry paused as something clicked, and if doing so wouldn't have spelled his death, he would have facepalmed. "He did a perspective flip on us. It's an old trick filmmakers used to make things seem gigantic."

Before he could elaborate, the mantis let out a shriek that no normal insect could as it jumped toward them, wings buzzing as it brought a giant scythe-like arm down at Harry faster than most could blink. Luckily, Harry was used to fighting things faster than him, though he still felt the rush of air past his face as a predator's limb lanced past him, a horrible maw out of nightmares clashing together to tear his flesh from bone. Coat streaming behind him, he hit the ground in a roll, even as several ants poured out of the surrounding buildings.

"Anyone got Raid?"

Maes was used to dealing with a great many things but typically he liked to avoid the level of crazy that this was. He was only a man after all, with a wife and kid back home. He shouldn't HAVE to deal with giant insects and several large mice. But, here he was and there was no running from it. So, the only thing he could do was get serious about it. Aqua was right, it didn't matter HOW, they had a job to do.

"Sorry, didn't think I'd need bug spray today." There was a glint and a flash as Maes pulled out one of the knives from a holster attached to his belt. It flew from his fingers and stabbed through the head of one of the mantis, even as Maes was running. "Don't worry so much about fighting these things. Our main target is the Shade." He was running right for a spider the size of a tank and dropped, sliding under it's massive legs and popping up on the other side, pulling out a second knife as he rose.

"I don't think any of us did," Aqua answered. None of the other shades she'd fought had done anything even remotely similar to this. Then again, the ones she'd fought had been a good deal more interested in dealing with a single person than in going after something that could ruin everyone's day.

Not, of course, that wishing for what none of them was likely to have was going to be anything near helpful, as much as Aqua would have liked to have her spells to deal with the ants that are swarming nearer than comfort would before. With that option unavailable, she turned the next best thing, leaping onto the head of the first ant to draw near. From there, it was simple enough to pretend the others were nothing so much as over-sized stepping stones on her way to reaching the shade.

Xion would have commented on the advantage of not having to worry about enemies attacking from the rear, but decided not to waste her breath. Now wasn't the time to argue. Instead, she brought up the rear of the group, using her sword to discourage any more of the monsters that got too close to the group as it made its way forward.

She knew better than to think she could handle all of the monsters by herself. What she could do was draw their attention enough to give the others time to take care of the shade.

This wasn't working. Finding himself in the unusual position of being the least dangerous person in the room, Harry was forced to stay back out of his friend's way. While not exactly soothing to his male ego, it did give him the opportunity to look at the big picture of the fight.

Well, it did after he managed to get away from the giant Mantid trying its best to eat him. After dealing with that minor setback by ~~accidentally~~ luring it within range of a massive spider though, he had a bit of breathing room to assess the mess they were in. Hughes and the girls were all clearly extremely skilled and competent close range fighters, and Harry had a few surprises of his own, but there were just too many creepy crawlies slowing them down. It didn't matter if they beat every single thing the shade threw at them if it ended up stalling them long enough for the shade to complete his plans. The others were busy keeping them from getting eaten, he needed to think of something, to pull his weight. After all, it was his shade that had gotten them into this mess in the first place, that might of doomed them all, he owed it to the people he'd put in harms way to fix the damage he'd caused.

Then his eyes fell on it, a singular beautiful opportunity to not only save the lives of everyone on the Satellite that breathed air, but also live out the dream of adolescent boys everywhere.

A remote control Monster Truck.

Kneeling behind a Playmobile lamp post, he fished a can of hairspray from one coat pocket, and a lighter from the other as he worked the angles of what he was about to do. Running, hell standing was going to hurt a lot, but he was pretty sure he could make it. In his line of work 'pretty sure' was just about as close to perfect as he got. Mind made up, he started counting to three.

On two he pushed himself up with a strangled sound of air escaping between clenched teeth and hit the ground running. "Truck! Get to the truck!"

A wasp came in from the side, swooping down like a madman's version of a hawk from hell as it swung its thorax out towards him to aim the massive hypodermic needle it called a butt straight for his chest. Without missing a step he twisted to the side and lifted his makeshift flamethrower, unleashing a stream of fire with a defiant, "Buzz off!"

The insect was spared the agony of Harry's pun when it flew right into the flames, it's wings catching alight almost instantly as it veered off course and hit the cardboard building across the street, smashing through the wall and inside as its limbs spasmed wildly. Its burning limbs. Which rubbed against the very dry cardboard.

Uh oh.

"Truck now! Faster!"

Truck? What Truck?

Maes saw it a second later. Well, that was convenient. Unfortunately, Maes had two problems with this plan. One, he was still dealing with a spider the size of a tank and two, Xion was the rear guard and that didn't sit well with him. Especially since there were several, several bugs, lizards, and other animals between Xion and the truck.

Thankfully, the Shade had failed to consider that he had unleashed a veritable food chain here. A frog suddenly loomed behind Maes and ate the spider as Maes jumped back and stumbled against a large atlas beetle that was rolling a Hot Wheels car.

Well, perhaps he had found his solution after all to his second problem. Maes grit his teeth, this probably wasn't going to be easy. A country boy at heart, he'd had some experience with horses in the past. He pulled himself up onto the back of the beetle, grabbing it's horn as he hoisted himself up. Unfortunately the beetle was nothing like a horse...at all. Still, it didn't seem to be as concerned with eating him like the other bugs. Hughes kept his grip on the horn and directed it towards Xion, "Ya!"

As the cityscape burned around him (jeeze, Harry, what did you do) Hughes urged the beetle towards Xion's location. He wasn't going to leave her behind or Aqua for that matter. The beetle moved with incredible speed and plowed through several bugs, clearing a path for Xion. Hughes called to the girls, "Come on! I'll get us to that truck."

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When All You Have Is a Hammer

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