Experiment #17 - Atlanta Nights - Chapter 3

[itsjustthemads]

Atlanta Nights - Chapters 3
By Travis Tea


Ven: Okay, so... the last couple weren’t so bad. Maybe this one won’t be, either.
Isa: I wouldn’t get your hopes up.
Midna: Are you the blond one or the other blond one?
Ven: ...Do you mean me?
Midna: I wasn’t talking to the blue-haired guy over there.
Ven: That’s Isa. And I’m Ventus! Call me Ven. You’re thinking of Roxas, right?
Midna: Yes, him. I guess I should meet people other than the D&D group.

Atlanta Nights - Chapter Three

“As you’ve probably heard, Yvonne,” began Penelope Urbain. Seriously brushing a gleaming scarlet tress out of her tearful eye

Isa: Just the one.
Midna: Does she cover the missing one with an eyepatch?
Ven: Maybe?
Isa: So they’re pirates?
Midna: It would explain a lot.
Isa: I’d rather we be reading a story about them fighting ninjas, then.
Ven: They’re not that hard to fight, really - they’re afraid of crocodiles.
Isa: Well, what about ninja crocodiles?
Midna: Shouldn’t it be zombie pirates versus ninja crocodiles?
Ven: Well the crocodile kind of was a ninja, but Captain Hook wasn’t a zombie. Although maybe he will be, because I think the crocodile wanted to eat him.
Midna: He wasn’t a zombie that you know of.
Ven: I doubt it, or I’d probably have vaporized him when I got into Wingblade form. But it could happen in the future! *pulling his attention back to the story* And is she overdramatizing moving her hair?
Midna: *radiating innocence* Red hair is serious business.
Isa & Ven: Don’t tell Lea.

“Bruce has come home from the hospital after his accident.”

“Yes you must be very happy,” said Yvonne sympathetically. “He was badly hurt in that auto accident.”

“Yes he was badly hurt,” responded Penelope honestly. “But he is home now and I am very happy about that.”

“We need to have a very serious discussion about this,” said Yvonne earnestly.

Ven: How many adverbs do they need in one page?

“Yes. We have some very serious things to discuss,” agreed Penelope.

Midna: “In our spare time, we work for the Department of Redundancy Department.”
Ven: *curious headtilt* Maybe we need a counter for the number of times they say “serious.”
Midna: We could take a shot every time they use an adverb. I guess you kids don’t drink.
Ven: Drink? What, water?
Isa: Alcohol.
Midna: Booze.

Yvonne Perrin raised her glass and began to gulp down the martini she had ordered and then she signaled the waiter to bring another one.

Ven: ...Oh. Drink like that.
Midna: They’re already doing it for us. This story is pretty thoughtful.

Yvonne drank too much and did not eat right at all and Penelope was starting to get worried about her friend’s habits in eating and drinking. Her cheeks were almost as red as her hair already, like Red delicious apples under green leaves which were her eyes and the dark pupils were like little curled up caterpillars in the middle.

Ven: When did we get taken into the Very Hungry Catepillar?
Isa: I’d rather be in that book than this one.

“Do you think it is a good idea to have another 1 Yvonne?” interrogated Penelope.

Isa: Spell out numbers smaller than a ten.
Midna: The story is only doing it to hurt you. Don’t let it win.
Isa: *glare*
Ven: I don’t know, it’s kind of funny to think of how they could pronounce that - un? Line? Bendy line?

“Yes one more will not hurt me and then I will quit,” retorted Yvonne.

Ven: They always say that and then it never sticks. And where are the contractions?
Midna: They left. In protest.

They did not notice that Steven Suffern was watching them secretly from his table across the dining room.

Midna: If he had to watch this, I’d say he’s already been punished for his spying.

They were at the Polo Club for lunch. The restaurant was a large room with a number of tables and some big windows looking out over the golf course and the lake. Both men and women and couples were eating lunch.

Ven: That’s too many “ands” for a “both.”
Midna: So if men and women and couples were eating, does that mean that the couples were made up of two women or two men, but not men and women? I’m not sure that I’m making sense now, give me a minute.
Ven: It means we’re stuck in Plato’s Symposium.

Steven Suffern was the best masseuse the club had ever had. After lunch Yvonne might get a massage. She thought he was a stud. Watching him across the room, with rippling muscles like a bull and well hung too.

Ven: ...He’s hanging from something?
Midna: No, he’s just got a big penis.
Ven: What?!
Midna: Penis. Cock. Joystick. Manhood. Member. Schlong. One-eyed trouser snake. I don’t know, what do you call yours?
Ven: *gape-mouthed and whatisthisIdon’teven*
Isa: *face meet palm*

She could see his pulsing manhood stuffed into the tight blue silky gym shorts he always wore at work.

Ven: *if it were possible for his eyes to get any wider, they would*
Midna: Can Roxas or Sora come in? This one is broken.
Isa: *smacks Ven*
Ven: Ow! Isaaa. *rubs the back of his head*
Isa: What?

She thought she should have made an appointment for a massage.

Steven Suffern thought Penelope was a real looker far too good for that stuffy software developer, Lucent who needed to work out once in awhile and lose fifty pounds. He flexed his muscles and thought about the book he had just read, The Joy of Sex.

Ven: *...EPIC DOUBLE FACEPALM that makes him slide almost completely out of his chair* I’m staying down here from now on.

It always surprised people that this athletic man was such a great reader and he liked that.

Midna: So he likes it that the best compliment he gets is “you’re not as dumb as you look”?

“Hello ladies,” said Steven Suffern passing their table.

Midna: Look at your man.
Ven: *still mostly on the floor with his hands over his face* Now back to me.
Isa: Now back to your man.
Ven: Now back to me.
Midna: Fortunately, he’s not me, because if he were, he’d be a masseuse who flexes his muscles compulsively.
Ven: Is he on a horse?
Midna: It’s almost like Kaldur’s spirit is with us.

“Hello Steven.” Purred Yvonne. She had a crush on the handsome masseuse at the Polo Club. Sometimes she saw him working out in the gym and she was turned on by the sweat smell of his sweet.

Midna: *pulls out a red marker and starts correcting this*



Ven: Sweat does not smell good. I’m staying down here some more.

She could not wait to think of a plan to try to get him into bed with her.

Ven: Forget that, I’m staying back there! *jumps to his feet and over the seats, way to the back of the theatre as faaaaar as he can get from the chapter*
Midna: See? Broken.
Isa: *stands up and goes to collect Ven from the back*
Ven: Don’t even think about it Isa!
Isa: *frowns* You’re not getting out of this.
Ven: I’m staying back here!
Midna: If he can’t take the same punishment as Terra and Aqua can, it’s not right to force him, Isa.
Isa: *shrugs and goes back to his seat.*
Ven: HEY! They’d be doing the same thing with this!
Midna: *idly inspects her nails* Mmhm.

“Hello Steven,” Penelope whispered softly.

“Do you have to work today? Maybe we could get a massage later,” said Yvonne boldly.

Ven: *from his place in the back* And they’re abusing the adverbs again.
Midna: You mean they stopped?

“I only have room in my appointment book for one lady this afternoon,” explained Steven.

Isa: [Deadpan] So you must fight to the death for that spot.

“Oh that is all right. You go Yvonne,” said Penelope kindly.

She knew her friend had a crush on Steven who was a real stud.

Ven: I don’t think he wants to be a horse.

“I must get back to Bruce anyway. He needs me.”

Isa: I must leave, my people need me.
Midna: But before I go, know this: I’m a zombie pirate, and soon the ninjas are coming.

Steven would have liked to give her a massage but he was stuck with her friend. Yvonne was too old for him.

Midna: She’s bugging him about his job while he’s at lunch and he doesn’t like her because she’s too old? Priorities.

He stood up and walked past their table and flexed a bicep for effect. “See you later then Yvonne,” he said meaningfully.

Yvonne watched him go by his muscles pulsing and rippling like waves under a thin blanket of tanned skin like a freshly baked cinnamon cake.

Ven: ...*grabs the “BURY DEAD GUY HERE” sign and pulls it over his head like a security blanket* STAYING BACK HERE!
Midna: Coward~. You have to face evil head on, or it’ll overtake you.
Ven: It’s already done that. I blew it up.
Midna: Just come back up already. We can’t hear you back there.

Penelope began to sip her mint julep. “I think he likes you Yvonne,” Penelope said thoughtfully.

“Why do you think that Penelope?” asked Yvonne Urbain.

Midna: *scrolls up, grabs some words, starts scribbling again*



Ven: *looks over the seatbacks* Wow, that’s really annoying you, isn’t it?
Midna: It’s just so lazy.

“He always comes over to talk to us when we are eating lunch at the Polo Club,” explained Penelope. “He is cute, I think so too. But I have Bruce already.”

“I think you are the main attraction for him here not I!” hissed Yvonne jealously.

Ven: That’s it, which one of the bots wrote this? This is way too formal and silly.
Isa: My munny is on Tom Servo.
Midna: Yeah, Gypsy would do a better job. It could be Crow...
Ven: It’s not silly enough for Crow.

“No, I am not,” soothed Penelope. “Anyway you can get a massage and have him to yourself I will go home and take care of Bruce.”

Isa: That is a run on sentence.

The waiter walked over to their table and brought another martini for Yvonne with a shot glass of extra vodka on the side.

“I did not order extra vodka!” Said Yvonne impatiently. She was mad from the conversation with her friend Penelope who all the men seemed to be attracted to. Her cheeks were flaming red fires like a volcano ready to explode through the cold emerald stones that were her eyes.

Midna: It’s okay, story, I didn’t need to sleep tonight.

She knew Penelope thought she drank too much.

Ven: I think at this point it isn’t a think, it’s a know.
Midna: It should be rum, though, shouldn’t it? If she’s a pirate. Maybe she’s a Russian pirate?
Ven: Shouldn’t she have a funny accent then?
Isa: I think Lea has a comic about that.
Midna: About redheaded, emerald-eyed, Russian, vodka-drinking pirate queens?
Isa: Well, not that, his parents would kill him.
Midna: And it would be totally narcissistic too.
Ven: But he’s not a pirate queen... He’s not even a girl.
Isa: But he has red hair.
Midna: Give the satellite some time. I’m sure we’ll get there someday.
Ven: *...thanks, more brainbreak*
Isa: ...*shudders*

The waited said “I am sorry Miss but we are out of cocktail onions and the chef sent this instead with his compliments.”

Yvonne Perrin stood up and walked over to the waiter and took the shot glass full of vodka and poured it out into a planter that held a spindly rubber tree that never got enough light to grow properly even though it was near one of the windows that looked out onto the lake where some ducks were floating like they were waiting for someone to throw them some bread but there was nobody there at this time of day.

Isa: I was wrong. That is a run on sentence.
Ven: *just staring at it over the back of the seats, his expression one of complete what* What... is... that... even...

“Calm down. Yvonne people are staring at you,” said Penelope worriedly. “Do you feel ok?” she asked questioningly.

“You never understand how I feel,” moaned Yvonne. “I am just as good looking as you but I am older that is not fair.

Ven: ...You were just born before her, how is that not fair? It happens all the time.
Isa: Um...
Midna: Eventually we’ll find out that she’s five minutes older, right?
Isa: And that she’s twenty-six.

The men all go for you and you have Bruce already. I am afraid I will never find a man now that I am growing old.”

Yvonne sipped her martini which tasted like liquid ice on her tongue.

Midna: So it tastes like water. It’s called “cutting you off.”

It helped her feel calmer. She asked the waiter “What brand of vodka is in this drink?”

“It is French vodka imported specially for the Polo Club,” Thinking that ought to impress her and picking up the empty glasses from their table. “Do you want to order something to eat now?”

“Yes. I will have a steak,” said Penelope decisively. “And I want it cooked rarely. I am a gourmet when it comes to beef so tell the cook not to overcook it.”

Midna: Don’t cook it all the time. Just sometimes.

“Yes Ma’am.” The waiter said smoothly. “Anything else?” he added.

“French Fries and please bring the horseradish sauce.”

“A Caesar salad for me with blue cheese dressing.” Yvonne decided. “I am watching my weight.”

“Leave room for the desert. It is our chef special today,” suggested the waiter.

Ven: So they’re going to eat... sand.
Midna: Only if they leave room for it.
Isa: Delicious sand.

Yvonne could see the people at the next table eating chocolate cake. Everybody else had finished their lunch and gone now from the empty room. “Yes pleased,” she said eagerly. She had gotten over her fit about the extra vodka.

The waiter walked away.

Ven: Can we? Please?
Isa: Soon, Ven, soon.
Midna: You’re not even sitting up here.
Ven: That doesn’t mean I don’t know it’s there.

“Now back to talking about Bruce,” said Penelope Urbain brushing a strand of red hair out of her eyes. “I hope he will recover soon from his accident.”

“Do not worry about that,” exclaimed Yvonne. “He is getting. The finest medical care money can buy. And if the accident leaves a scar he can go to a plastic surgeon and has it removed.

Ven: ...If you cut out a scar, wouldn’t it just leave a bigger scar?

I know a very good plastic surgeon in Atlanta. He did my nose for me last year,” she argued.

Penelope wiped a teardrop from the corner of her lovely almond-shaped eyes.

Isa: Single emo tear?

“I do not know what I would do without Bruce if something happened to him. You say Steven Suffern likes me but I do not think I could go for a masseuse if something happened and Bruce dies.”

Yvonne Perrin got angry. “You are a snob, Penelope Urbain,” She shouted angrily. The crowd of people eating in the restaurant at the Polo Club put down their knives and forks and stared at them.

Midna: You mean the ones that had all left the empty room? That crowd of people?
Ven: Maybe she sees dead people.
Midna: That seems to be going around these days.
Ven: Don’t remind us.

“I am not,” retorted Penelope in reply.

“You do not deserve the love of a man like Bruce Lucent. He is the absolute most eligible bachelors in Atlanta.

Ven: ...He’s clones?
Midna: Like you?
Ven: We’re not clones, we’re... kind of... just... joined together? *okay, he has no idea what they are*
Isa: So... clones.
Midna: Or conjoined soul twins?
Ven: ...Probably more like that. We’re not really sure.
Isa: Sounds painful.

And another one is Steven Suffern,” Yvonne pointed out heatedly.

“We have been friends for a long time,” Penelope said wistfully. “I do not want us to fight over men.”

Midna: *as Penelope* “I’m not sure why we’ve been friends for a long time...actually, we should stop that. The being friends, rather than the fighting. Maybe I’d escape this story.”
Isa: It’s not that easy. Sometimes you’re just stuck with them. Forever.
Midna: It’s not your fault Lea would follow you to the ends of the universe, whining all the way.
Ven: What’s wrong with wanting to be with your friends and following them to help them?
Isa: Nothing, when did I say that?
Midna: *at the same time* Nothing, that’s what friends are supposed to do.

“You are right,” sighed Yvonne. “Let us not talk about this again.” Waving her hand to attract the waiter. “I will pay for lunch today.”

The waiter stated “Yes misses what would you like?”

“I would like the bill,” said Yvonne firmly.

“That will be one hundred and thirty-four dollars plus tax,” responded the waiter.

Isa: One hundred and thirty-four dollars?! What did they eat?
Midna: Steak, fries, horseradish sauce, a Ceasar salad, and an ENTIRE DESERT.
Ven: ...Wait, what did they eat? They never got any food! They said they wanted it but they never got it.
Midna: It could be the drinks...mint julep isn’t cheap.
Isa: Nor is drinking enough alcohol that it starts to taste like water.
Ven: I don’t think I ever want to drink now.
Midna: That’ll cheer up your friends.

“Put it on my tab I am a member of the Polo Club,” said Yvonne grandly.

Ven: Then why did you ask for a bill? Couldn’t you just- *the “BURY DEAD GUY HERE” sign picks that moment to come crashing down - right on Ven’s head* OW!
Midna: I told you to move back up here.
Ven: *muffled words*
Isa: *Goes to remove the sign from Ven’s face*
Ven: *winces once he’s unearthed* Oww... Who leaves stuff in here?
Midna: *unrepentant* People who sit in the front row.
Ven: It’s almost over, it’s not worth it.

Penelope knew she could not afford a bill like that but she had her pride. She could not show her up before all the best society in Atlanta. She would never forgive her if she did. “I would be glad to pay half.” She offered gently. But her friend waved the money away and stood up and began to walk to the door.

“I will make up for it when I get that massage from Steven Suffern,” She exclaimed. “Steven is a real stud and I am looking forward to it!” She added eagerly.

Isa: They just keep saying the same things, over and over again.

Yvonne could not do anything more. She decided to go home and sees Bruce. But she was glad they had such a good discussion and cleared up things between them.

Ven: ...That’s the wrong woman going home to that guy who got hurt. Umm, did they switch hearts?
Midna: Who cares? We’re done. Let’s go.
Isa: What she said.
Ven: *tosses the sign in the corner and digs out of his makeshift bunker* Are they always this bad?
Midna: No, sometimes they’re traumatizing.