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itsjustagamerp2012-05-18 09:38 am
itsjustthemads) wrote in itsjustagamerp2012-05-18 09:38 am
Entry tags:
Experiment #18 - Twilight - Chapter 5
Twilight - Chapters 5
By Stephanie Meyer
90s Kid: *sulking in his bucket of water* I can’t believe I have to do this again, man. They never let me read anything good.
Spike: I think... that’s the point... Ergh... *dragging that bucket along a step at a time, carefully keeping his tail out of the way* Little... Little help here? Anypony? Body? Whatever we are right now?
Vanitas: *Is sitting in one of the chairs already, watching Spike drag in 90s Kid*
Spike: You know, that’s good enough. *leaves it and takes a seat too, tail in his lap* Oh, this’s that book that’s named after Twilight, isn’t it?
90s Kid: I can’t see!
Vanitas: What’s there to see?
Spike: Yeah, isn’t that a good thing?
90s Kid: ...Good point. Wake me up with it’s over. *ducks into the bucket*
Vanitas: *hops out of his chair and headbutts the bucket*
90s Kid: Gah! Hey!
Vanitas: You think you can get out of this that easily?
Spike: Whoa! *jumps up onto the back of his chair in a panic* Careful where you’re splashing!
"Edward Cullen is staring at you again," Jessica said, finally breaking
through my abstraction with his name.
Vanitas: Is this another one of those books that uses big words to try and sound “classy” without knowing what they mean?
"I wonder why he's sitting alone today."
Spike: Could be the beans the cafeteria is serving today?
90s Kid: Or that he’s staring at everybody. Chicks apparently don’t actually like that.
Vanitas: Or he just hates you.
My head snapped up. I followed her gaze to see Edward, smiling
crookedly, staring at me from an empty table across the cafeteria from
where he usually sat. Once he'd caught my eye, he raised one hand and
motioned with his index finger for me to join him. As I stared in
disbelief, he winked.
Spike: Is this whole chapter just going to be given in mime? ...Although that might be better than the alternative.
90s Kid: Man, those silent movies always put me to sleep.
"Does he mean you?" Jessica asked with insulting astonishment in her
voice.
90s Kid: No, he means Beppo the Invisible Monkey!
"Maybe he needs help with his Biology homework,"
90s Kid: Can’t say I’ve ever heard that pickup line.
Spike: I wonder if it works? Too bad I don’t go to school.
I muttered for her
benefit. "Um, I'd better go see what he wants."
I could feel her staring after me as I walked away.
Spike: Wow, we’ve got a staring epidemic going on here.
When I reached his table, I stood behind the chair across from him,
unsure.
"Why don't you sit with me today?" he asked, smiling.
I sat down automatically,
90s Kid: Oh, so she’s a robot! I get it now!
watching him with caution. He was still smiling. It was hard to believe that someone so beautiful could be real. I was afraid that he might disappear in a sudden puff of smoke,
Spike: And he must be a genie! It’s all coming together now.
90s Kid: Can we wish for the entire book to disappear in a puff of smoke?
and I would wake up.
He seemed to be waiting for me to say something.
"This is different," I finally managed.
"Well..." He paused, and then the rest of the words followed in a rush. "I
decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."
I waited for him to say something that made sense.
Vanitas: As did we all.
Spike: Yep, we’re gonna be here a while.
The seconds ticked by.
90s Kid: Tonight on sixty minutes!
"You know I don't have any idea what you mean," I eventually pointed
out.
"I know." He smiled again, and then he changed the subject. "I think
your friends are angry with me for stealing you."
Spike: I could tell by the pitchforks and torches.
"They'll survive." I could feel their stares boring into my back.
"I may not give you back, though," he said with a wicked glint in his
eyes.
90s Kid: ...I’m uncomfortable. Isn’t that like, illegal?
I gulped.
He laughed. "You look worried."
"No," I said, but, ridiculously, my voice broke.
Spike: As opposed to her voice breaking in a dignified and proper manner.
90s Kid: Oh y’know, a dude just threatened to kidnap her and stuff. What’s there to worry about?
"Surprised, actually… what brought all this on?"
"I told you — I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving
up." He was still smiling, but his ocher eyes were serious.
Spike: Wait, I see it now! He’s a hulking monster! He’s got -- oh, wait, ocher eyes. Never mind.
90s Kid: *confused* But...isn’t he a vampire?
"Giving up?" I repeated in confusion.
90s Kid: Pay attention, dudette!
Spike: Not that that helps.
"Yes — giving up trying to be good.
Spike: Santa can threaten me with coal all he wants, but I’m done!
I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may."
90s Kid: I tried saying that to my mom once when I spilled a bag of chips. Couldn’t sit for a week.
His smile faded as he explained, and a hard edge crept into his voice.
"You lost me again."
Spike: You know, I always find myself in the last place I look.
90s Kid: In the fridge?
Spike: ...Well, there was that one time...
The breathtaking crooked smile reappeared.
Vanitas: What’s so “breathtaking” about a smirk?
"I always say too much when I'm talking to you — that's one of the
problems."
90s Kid: Not that big a problem when I don’t even know what’s going on, man.
"Don't worry — I don't understand any of it," I said wryly.
Spike: I’m starting to detect a pattern here. What’s the phrase? “Idiot hero”?
Vanitas: Calling her that is an insult to idiots.
Spike: ...But not to heroes?
Vanitas: You think I care about someone insulting heroes?
90s Kid: This chick is an insult to hot chicks.
Spike: ...Uh, yeah, that too.
"I'm counting on that."
90s Kid: DUDE! Not cool! You never call a chick stupid to her face!
"So, in plain English, are we friends now?"
"Friends..." he mused, dubious.
90s Kid: *derp voice* Durrrrrrr friends?
Spike: *in several random intonations* Friends... Friends... Friends...
Vanitas: Who needs friends.
Spike: Well, friendship is magic, so they say.
Vanitas: Pathetic.
"Or not," I muttered.
He grinned. "Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that
I'm not a good friend for you."
90s Kid: Didn’t he say before he was gonna stop avoiding her? And chicks call *me* confusing.
Behind his smile, the warning was real.
Vanitas: Yet, she will ignore it anyway.
90s Kid: *as Bella* I’d laugh in the face of danger if I had any emotion!
"You say that a lot,"
90s Kid: *bad attempt at a Spanish accent* I do not think it means what you think it means, dude.
I noted, trying to ignore the sudden trembling in my stomach and keep my voice even.
"Yes, because you're not listening to me.
90s Kid: Because you’re boring!
I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart, you'll avoid me."
Spike: Does he want to hang out with her or not? Sheesh.
90s Kid: I think he’s playing hard-to-get. REALLY hard to get.
"I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear,
too." My eyes narrowed.
He smiled apologetically.
Spike: And that makes it all better!
"So, as long as I'm being... not smart, we'll try to be friends?" I
struggled to sum up the confusing exchange.
"That sounds about right."
90s Kid: ...this...is a love story, right?
Spike: Wait, is it?
90s Kid: I think...I don’t know anymore, man.
I looked down at my hands wrapped around the lemonade bottle, not
sure what to do now.
"What are you thinking?" he asked curiously.
Spike: I thought you didn’t want her to think! This guy flip-flops more than an all-you-can-eat pancake buffet.
90s Kid: Dude, pancakes sound REALLY good right now. Better than this garbage.
Vanitas: Most things are better than this garbage.
Spike: That might even be an insult to garbage.
I looked up into his deep gold eyes, became befuddled, and, as usual,
blurted out the truth.
Vanitas: Weren’t his eyes ocher before?
90s Kid: Woah, WOAH man, nobody told me his eyes change color! That is AWESOME!
Vanitas: You wouldn’t think it was so awesome if you knew what gold eyes meant.
90s Kid: It means TOTALLY HARDCORE! Though it’s even more hardcore if you can’t see their eyes at all!
Vanitas: Suuuuure it does.
"I'm trying to figure out what you are."
His jaw tightened, but he kept his smile in place with some effort.
Spike: It was trying to escape, but he had a fence set up around his neck to keep it in.
"Are you having any luck with that?" he asked in an offhand tone.
"Not too much," I admitted.
He chuckled. "What are your theories?"
I blushed. I had been vacillating during the last month between Bruce
Wayne and Peter Parker.
90s Kid: This story totally needs the Goddamn Batman. Seriously.
Spike: Yeah, and Spider-Colt too!
90s Kid: ...what?
Spike: I think you pronounced Batmane wrong, though.
90s Kid: ...Pinkie’s world is really weird. Kind of awesome, but weird.
Spike: ...? *just scratches his head*
There was no way I was going to own up to that.
"Won't you tell me?" he asked, tilting his head to one side with a
shockingly tempting smile.
Spike: We could get a whole reference guide out of this guy’s different kinds of smiles. Smiles in Their Natural Habitat.
I shook my head. "Too embarrassing."
"That's really frustrating, you know," he complained.
90s Kid: *as Edward* I want every excuse to needlessly mock and degrade you! Don’t you know how frustrating it is with no material?
"No," I disagreed quickly, my eyes narrowing, "I can't imagine why that
would be frustrating at all — just because someone refuses to tell you
what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little
remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what
they could possibly mean… now, why would that be frustrating?"
90s Kid: Passive-Aggression: The Book!
He grimaced.
"Or better," I continued, the pent-up annoyance flowing freely now,
Spike: Is it me, or does “annoyance” seem pretty weak to be “pent-up”? I’m picturing a dam breaking, and the water just shoves at everypony’s ankles. *gestures apathetically* Enh.
"say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things — from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he
promised. That, also, would be very non-frustrating."
"You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?"
90s Kid: Because she’s got no reason to be mad, right?
"I don't like double standards."
We stared at each other, unsmiling.
Spike: Ah, the smiles got scared off. You have to be careful when you’re observing them in the wild. The slightest sound will spook them!
He glanced over my shoulder, and then, unexpectedly, he snickered.
"What?"
"Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you — he's
debating whether or not to come break up our fight." He snickered
again.
90s Kid: Wait, I missed something. She had a boyfriend all this time?!
Vanitas: So we don’t need to read this story.
90s Kid: Sweet. Can we go?
"I don't know who you're talking about," I said frostily. "But I'm sure
you're wrong, anyway."
Spike: Why would he stop now?
"I'm not. I told you, most people are easy to read."
"Except me, of course."
"Yes. Except for you." His mood shifted suddenly; his eyes turned
brooding. "I wonder why that is."
Spike: Hard to read an empty book.
Vanitas: This is an empty book.
I had to look away from the intensity of his stare. I concentrated on
unscrewing the lid of my lemonade. I took a swig, staring at the table
without seeing it.
90s Kid: ...deep.
"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, distracted.
"No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full — of
butterflies.
90s Kid: And she eats butterflies? Is she a lizard now? Seriously man, this is blowing my mind!
Spike: Okay, so, so far she’s a lizard robot, and he’s a superhero genie ogre? If that was actually true, this would be the best story ever.
Vanitas: But no, they’re just a pair of dullards.
90s Kid: Dullards with badass eyes.
"You?" I looked at the empty table in front of him.
Spike: Obviously he eats tables.
"No, I'm not hungry." I didn't understand his expression — it looked like
he was enjoying some private joke.
"Can you do me a favor?" I asked after a second of hesitation.
Spike: Probably not, considering his track record!
He was suddenly wary. "That depends on what you want."
90s Kid: Seriously, I know how much you chicks love Hentai.
Spike: What-tai?
90s Kid: Don’t ask, man, don’t ask.
"It's not much," I assured him.
He waited, guarded but curious.
"I just wondered...
Spike: How do they get the ink into pens?
if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared."
90s Kid: So...you want him to tell you if he’s ignoring you...but in ignoring you, he wouldn’t be talking to you...I just blew my mind, man.
I looked at the lemonade bottle as I spoke, tracing the circle of the opening with my pinkie finger.
"That sounds fair." He was pressing his lips together to keep from
laughing when I looked up.
"Thanks."
"Then can I have one answer in return?" he demanded.
"One."
90s Kid: *sings* THE POWER OF OOOOOONE!
Spike: And that was your answer. Thanks for playing!
"Tell me one theory."
Whoops. "Not that one."
"You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer," he reminded me.
"And you've broken promises yourself," I reminded him back.
90s Kid: WHEN?!
"Just one theory — I won't laugh."
90s Kid: *as Edward* Out loud.
Spike: *as Edward* While you’re in the room.
"Yes, you will." I was positive about that.
He looked down, and then glanced up at me through his long black
lashes, his ocher eyes scorching.
"Please?" he breathed, leaning toward me.
I blinked, my mind going blank. Holy crow, how did he do that?
90s Kid: ...He just leaned forward, dudette. That’s not that impressive.
Vanitas: He also breathed.
Spike: I dunno, there’s a certain somepony who’s knocked me off my feet with less.
"Er, what?" I asked, dazed.
"Please tell me just one little theory." His eyes still smoldered at me.
90s Kid: OH GOD HE’S ON FIRE!
"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?" Was he a hypnotist, too? Or
was I just a hopeless pushover?
90s Kid: Do ya really want us to answer that, dudette?
"That's not very creative," he scoffed.
Vanitas: You were expecting her to be creative?
Spike: Yeah, it’s like he hasn’t even read this story.
"I'm sorry, that's all I've got," I said, miffed.
"You're not even close," he teased.
"No spiders?"
"Nope."
Spike: I thought girls didn’t even like spiders.
"And no radioactivity?"
"None."
"Dang," I sighed.
"Kryptonite doesn't bother me, either," he chuckled.
90s Kid: And I’m not hurt by the color yellow, and don’t even get me started on weakness to bondage.
"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?"
Vanitas: It’s hard not to.
He struggled to compose his face.
Spike: And y’know, once you let your smile get loose, soon all your facial features are rebelling. Nasty, nasty stuff. It’s a slippery slope.
"I'll figure it out eventually," I warned him.
"I wish you wouldn't try." He was serious again.
"Because...?"
"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" He smiled
playfully, but his eyes were impenetrable.
90s Kid: Dude, chicks LOVE the bad guy. How old is this guy again and he doesn’t know that? The bad guys are the most hardcore.
"Oh," I said, as several things he'd hinted fell suddenly into place. "I
see."
"Do you?" His face was abruptly severe, as if he were afraid that he'd
accidentally said too much.
90s Kid: Probably because he had.
"You're dangerous?" I guessed, my pulse quickening as I intuitively
realized the truth of my own words. He was dangerous. He'd been trying
to tell me that all along.
He just looked at me, eyes full of some emotion I couldn't comprehend.
Spike: Come on, now she’s just making it too easy.
"But not bad," I whispered, shaking my head. "No, I don't believe that
you're bad."
90s Kid: WHY?!
"You're wrong." His voice was almost inaudible. He looked down,
stealing my bottle lid and then spinning it on its side between his
fingers. I stared at him, wondering why I didn't feel afraid.
Spike: I think he’s hypnotizing her!
He meant what he was saying — that was obvious. But I just felt anxious, on edge… and, more than anything else, fascinated. The same way I always felt when I was near him.
Vanitas: What a waste of time. *hops out of his chair and leaves*
Spike: Hey, slow down! *hops up and rushes toward the exit -- and yeah, he may be forgetting 90s Karp back there*
90s Kid: ...Hello? ...Dudes? This isn’t funny...
By Stephanie Meyer
90s Kid: *sulking in his bucket of water* I can’t believe I have to do this again, man. They never let me read anything good.
Spike: I think... that’s the point... Ergh... *dragging that bucket along a step at a time, carefully keeping his tail out of the way* Little... Little help here? Anypony? Body? Whatever we are right now?
Vanitas: *Is sitting in one of the chairs already, watching Spike drag in 90s Kid*
Spike: You know, that’s good enough. *leaves it and takes a seat too, tail in his lap* Oh, this’s that book that’s named after Twilight, isn’t it?
90s Kid: I can’t see!
Vanitas: What’s there to see?
Spike: Yeah, isn’t that a good thing?
90s Kid: ...Good point. Wake me up with it’s over. *ducks into the bucket*
Vanitas: *hops out of his chair and headbutts the bucket*
90s Kid: Gah! Hey!
Vanitas: You think you can get out of this that easily?
Spike: Whoa! *jumps up onto the back of his chair in a panic* Careful where you’re splashing!
"Edward Cullen is staring at you again," Jessica said, finally breaking
through my abstraction with his name.
Vanitas: Is this another one of those books that uses big words to try and sound “classy” without knowing what they mean?
"I wonder why he's sitting alone today."
Spike: Could be the beans the cafeteria is serving today?
90s Kid: Or that he’s staring at everybody. Chicks apparently don’t actually like that.
Vanitas: Or he just hates you.
My head snapped up. I followed her gaze to see Edward, smiling
crookedly, staring at me from an empty table across the cafeteria from
where he usually sat. Once he'd caught my eye, he raised one hand and
motioned with his index finger for me to join him. As I stared in
disbelief, he winked.
Spike: Is this whole chapter just going to be given in mime? ...Although that might be better than the alternative.
90s Kid: Man, those silent movies always put me to sleep.
"Does he mean you?" Jessica asked with insulting astonishment in her
voice.
90s Kid: No, he means Beppo the Invisible Monkey!
"Maybe he needs help with his Biology homework,"
90s Kid: Can’t say I’ve ever heard that pickup line.
Spike: I wonder if it works? Too bad I don’t go to school.
I muttered for her
benefit. "Um, I'd better go see what he wants."
I could feel her staring after me as I walked away.
Spike: Wow, we’ve got a staring epidemic going on here.
When I reached his table, I stood behind the chair across from him,
unsure.
"Why don't you sit with me today?" he asked, smiling.
I sat down automatically,
90s Kid: Oh, so she’s a robot! I get it now!
watching him with caution. He was still smiling. It was hard to believe that someone so beautiful could be real. I was afraid that he might disappear in a sudden puff of smoke,
Spike: And he must be a genie! It’s all coming together now.
90s Kid: Can we wish for the entire book to disappear in a puff of smoke?
and I would wake up.
He seemed to be waiting for me to say something.
"This is different," I finally managed.
"Well..." He paused, and then the rest of the words followed in a rush. "I
decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."
I waited for him to say something that made sense.
Vanitas: As did we all.
Spike: Yep, we’re gonna be here a while.
The seconds ticked by.
90s Kid: Tonight on sixty minutes!
"You know I don't have any idea what you mean," I eventually pointed
out.
"I know." He smiled again, and then he changed the subject. "I think
your friends are angry with me for stealing you."
Spike: I could tell by the pitchforks and torches.
"They'll survive." I could feel their stares boring into my back.
"I may not give you back, though," he said with a wicked glint in his
eyes.
90s Kid: ...I’m uncomfortable. Isn’t that like, illegal?
I gulped.
He laughed. "You look worried."
"No," I said, but, ridiculously, my voice broke.
Spike: As opposed to her voice breaking in a dignified and proper manner.
90s Kid: Oh y’know, a dude just threatened to kidnap her and stuff. What’s there to worry about?
"Surprised, actually… what brought all this on?"
"I told you — I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving
up." He was still smiling, but his ocher eyes were serious.
Spike: Wait, I see it now! He’s a hulking monster! He’s got -- oh, wait, ocher eyes. Never mind.
90s Kid: *confused* But...isn’t he a vampire?
"Giving up?" I repeated in confusion.
90s Kid: Pay attention, dudette!
Spike: Not that that helps.
"Yes — giving up trying to be good.
Spike: Santa can threaten me with coal all he wants, but I’m done!
I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may."
90s Kid: I tried saying that to my mom once when I spilled a bag of chips. Couldn’t sit for a week.
His smile faded as he explained, and a hard edge crept into his voice.
"You lost me again."
Spike: You know, I always find myself in the last place I look.
90s Kid: In the fridge?
Spike: ...Well, there was that one time...
The breathtaking crooked smile reappeared.
Vanitas: What’s so “breathtaking” about a smirk?
"I always say too much when I'm talking to you — that's one of the
problems."
90s Kid: Not that big a problem when I don’t even know what’s going on, man.
"Don't worry — I don't understand any of it," I said wryly.
Spike: I’m starting to detect a pattern here. What’s the phrase? “Idiot hero”?
Vanitas: Calling her that is an insult to idiots.
Spike: ...But not to heroes?
Vanitas: You think I care about someone insulting heroes?
90s Kid: This chick is an insult to hot chicks.
Spike: ...Uh, yeah, that too.
"I'm counting on that."
90s Kid: DUDE! Not cool! You never call a chick stupid to her face!
"So, in plain English, are we friends now?"
"Friends..." he mused, dubious.
90s Kid: *derp voice* Durrrrrrr friends?
Spike: *in several random intonations* Friends... Friends... Friends...
Vanitas: Who needs friends.
Spike: Well, friendship is magic, so they say.
Vanitas: Pathetic.
"Or not," I muttered.
He grinned. "Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that
I'm not a good friend for you."
90s Kid: Didn’t he say before he was gonna stop avoiding her? And chicks call *me* confusing.
Behind his smile, the warning was real.
Vanitas: Yet, she will ignore it anyway.
90s Kid: *as Bella* I’d laugh in the face of danger if I had any emotion!
"You say that a lot,"
90s Kid: *bad attempt at a Spanish accent* I do not think it means what you think it means, dude.
I noted, trying to ignore the sudden trembling in my stomach and keep my voice even.
"Yes, because you're not listening to me.
90s Kid: Because you’re boring!
I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart, you'll avoid me."
Spike: Does he want to hang out with her or not? Sheesh.
90s Kid: I think he’s playing hard-to-get. REALLY hard to get.
"I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear,
too." My eyes narrowed.
He smiled apologetically.
Spike: And that makes it all better!
"So, as long as I'm being... not smart, we'll try to be friends?" I
struggled to sum up the confusing exchange.
"That sounds about right."
90s Kid: ...this...is a love story, right?
Spike: Wait, is it?
90s Kid: I think...I don’t know anymore, man.
I looked down at my hands wrapped around the lemonade bottle, not
sure what to do now.
"What are you thinking?" he asked curiously.
Spike: I thought you didn’t want her to think! This guy flip-flops more than an all-you-can-eat pancake buffet.
90s Kid: Dude, pancakes sound REALLY good right now. Better than this garbage.
Vanitas: Most things are better than this garbage.
Spike: That might even be an insult to garbage.
I looked up into his deep gold eyes, became befuddled, and, as usual,
blurted out the truth.
Vanitas: Weren’t his eyes ocher before?
90s Kid: Woah, WOAH man, nobody told me his eyes change color! That is AWESOME!
Vanitas: You wouldn’t think it was so awesome if you knew what gold eyes meant.
90s Kid: It means TOTALLY HARDCORE! Though it’s even more hardcore if you can’t see their eyes at all!
Vanitas: Suuuuure it does.
"I'm trying to figure out what you are."
His jaw tightened, but he kept his smile in place with some effort.
Spike: It was trying to escape, but he had a fence set up around his neck to keep it in.
"Are you having any luck with that?" he asked in an offhand tone.
"Not too much," I admitted.
He chuckled. "What are your theories?"
I blushed. I had been vacillating during the last month between Bruce
Wayne and Peter Parker.
90s Kid: This story totally needs the Goddamn Batman. Seriously.
Spike: Yeah, and Spider-Colt too!
90s Kid: ...what?
Spike: I think you pronounced Batmane wrong, though.
90s Kid: ...Pinkie’s world is really weird. Kind of awesome, but weird.
Spike: ...? *just scratches his head*
There was no way I was going to own up to that.
"Won't you tell me?" he asked, tilting his head to one side with a
shockingly tempting smile.
Spike: We could get a whole reference guide out of this guy’s different kinds of smiles. Smiles in Their Natural Habitat.
I shook my head. "Too embarrassing."
"That's really frustrating, you know," he complained.
90s Kid: *as Edward* I want every excuse to needlessly mock and degrade you! Don’t you know how frustrating it is with no material?
"No," I disagreed quickly, my eyes narrowing, "I can't imagine why that
would be frustrating at all — just because someone refuses to tell you
what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little
remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what
they could possibly mean… now, why would that be frustrating?"
90s Kid: Passive-Aggression: The Book!
He grimaced.
"Or better," I continued, the pent-up annoyance flowing freely now,
Spike: Is it me, or does “annoyance” seem pretty weak to be “pent-up”? I’m picturing a dam breaking, and the water just shoves at everypony’s ankles. *gestures apathetically* Enh.
"say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things — from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he
promised. That, also, would be very non-frustrating."
"You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?"
90s Kid: Because she’s got no reason to be mad, right?
"I don't like double standards."
We stared at each other, unsmiling.
Spike: Ah, the smiles got scared off. You have to be careful when you’re observing them in the wild. The slightest sound will spook them!
He glanced over my shoulder, and then, unexpectedly, he snickered.
"What?"
"Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you — he's
debating whether or not to come break up our fight." He snickered
again.
90s Kid: Wait, I missed something. She had a boyfriend all this time?!
Vanitas: So we don’t need to read this story.
90s Kid: Sweet. Can we go?
"I don't know who you're talking about," I said frostily. "But I'm sure
you're wrong, anyway."
Spike: Why would he stop now?
"I'm not. I told you, most people are easy to read."
"Except me, of course."
"Yes. Except for you." His mood shifted suddenly; his eyes turned
brooding. "I wonder why that is."
Spike: Hard to read an empty book.
Vanitas: This is an empty book.
I had to look away from the intensity of his stare. I concentrated on
unscrewing the lid of my lemonade. I took a swig, staring at the table
without seeing it.
90s Kid: ...deep.
"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, distracted.
"No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full — of
butterflies.
90s Kid: And she eats butterflies? Is she a lizard now? Seriously man, this is blowing my mind!
Spike: Okay, so, so far she’s a lizard robot, and he’s a superhero genie ogre? If that was actually true, this would be the best story ever.
Vanitas: But no, they’re just a pair of dullards.
90s Kid: Dullards with badass eyes.
"You?" I looked at the empty table in front of him.
Spike: Obviously he eats tables.
"No, I'm not hungry." I didn't understand his expression — it looked like
he was enjoying some private joke.
"Can you do me a favor?" I asked after a second of hesitation.
Spike: Probably not, considering his track record!
He was suddenly wary. "That depends on what you want."
90s Kid: Seriously, I know how much you chicks love Hentai.
Spike: What-tai?
90s Kid: Don’t ask, man, don’t ask.
"It's not much," I assured him.
He waited, guarded but curious.
"I just wondered...
Spike: How do they get the ink into pens?
if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared."
90s Kid: So...you want him to tell you if he’s ignoring you...but in ignoring you, he wouldn’t be talking to you...I just blew my mind, man.
I looked at the lemonade bottle as I spoke, tracing the circle of the opening with my pinkie finger.
"That sounds fair." He was pressing his lips together to keep from
laughing when I looked up.
"Thanks."
"Then can I have one answer in return?" he demanded.
"One."
90s Kid: *sings* THE POWER OF OOOOOONE!
Spike: And that was your answer. Thanks for playing!
"Tell me one theory."
Whoops. "Not that one."
"You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer," he reminded me.
"And you've broken promises yourself," I reminded him back.
90s Kid: WHEN?!
"Just one theory — I won't laugh."
90s Kid: *as Edward* Out loud.
Spike: *as Edward* While you’re in the room.
"Yes, you will." I was positive about that.
He looked down, and then glanced up at me through his long black
lashes, his ocher eyes scorching.
"Please?" he breathed, leaning toward me.
I blinked, my mind going blank. Holy crow, how did he do that?
90s Kid: ...He just leaned forward, dudette. That’s not that impressive.
Vanitas: He also breathed.
Spike: I dunno, there’s a certain somepony who’s knocked me off my feet with less.
"Er, what?" I asked, dazed.
"Please tell me just one little theory." His eyes still smoldered at me.
90s Kid: OH GOD HE’S ON FIRE!
"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?" Was he a hypnotist, too? Or
was I just a hopeless pushover?
90s Kid: Do ya really want us to answer that, dudette?
"That's not very creative," he scoffed.
Vanitas: You were expecting her to be creative?
Spike: Yeah, it’s like he hasn’t even read this story.
"I'm sorry, that's all I've got," I said, miffed.
"You're not even close," he teased.
"No spiders?"
"Nope."
Spike: I thought girls didn’t even like spiders.
"And no radioactivity?"
"None."
"Dang," I sighed.
"Kryptonite doesn't bother me, either," he chuckled.
90s Kid: And I’m not hurt by the color yellow, and don’t even get me started on weakness to bondage.
"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?"
Vanitas: It’s hard not to.
He struggled to compose his face.
Spike: And y’know, once you let your smile get loose, soon all your facial features are rebelling. Nasty, nasty stuff. It’s a slippery slope.
"I'll figure it out eventually," I warned him.
"I wish you wouldn't try." He was serious again.
"Because...?"
"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" He smiled
playfully, but his eyes were impenetrable.
90s Kid: Dude, chicks LOVE the bad guy. How old is this guy again and he doesn’t know that? The bad guys are the most hardcore.
"Oh," I said, as several things he'd hinted fell suddenly into place. "I
see."
"Do you?" His face was abruptly severe, as if he were afraid that he'd
accidentally said too much.
90s Kid: Probably because he had.
"You're dangerous?" I guessed, my pulse quickening as I intuitively
realized the truth of my own words. He was dangerous. He'd been trying
to tell me that all along.
He just looked at me, eyes full of some emotion I couldn't comprehend.
Spike: Come on, now she’s just making it too easy.
"But not bad," I whispered, shaking my head. "No, I don't believe that
you're bad."
90s Kid: WHY?!
"You're wrong." His voice was almost inaudible. He looked down,
stealing my bottle lid and then spinning it on its side between his
fingers. I stared at him, wondering why I didn't feel afraid.
Spike: I think he’s hypnotizing her!
He meant what he was saying — that was obvious. But I just felt anxious, on edge… and, more than anything else, fascinated. The same way I always felt when I was near him.
Vanitas: What a waste of time. *hops out of his chair and leaves*
Spike: Hey, slow down! *hops up and rushes toward the exit -- and yeah, he may be forgetting 90s Karp back there*
90s Kid: ...Hello? ...Dudes? This isn’t funny...