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itsjustagamerp2012-05-24 08:59 am
itsjustthemads) wrote in itsjustagamerp2012-05-24 08:59 am
Experiment #19 - The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway - Part 1
The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway - Part 1
By Peter Gabriel
Mina: You know, guys, I’ve got a feeling this might not be as bad as the other stuff that’s been riffed. Maybe its because I got such a good sleep, or maybe I can feel it in the air tonight, but-
Pinkie: Well, DUH! How could anything about sheep at a sleepover ever be BAD?
Luna: What is... a sleepover?
Mina: Oh! It’s where you sleep over at someone else’s house and have a party! Oh, speaking of which...*sounds of ripping clothing. Cue Mina in pajamas* I came prepared.
Luna: ...we are still confused.
Mina: Don’t worry, Princess! We’ll teach you.
Luna: Can we have one of these... “sleepovers”?
Pinkie: YES! RIGHT NOW! *whips out a pillow*
Luna: *o_o*
Mina: AWESOME! Gimme hoof, Pinkie!
Keep your fingers out of my eye.
Mina: I’m nowhere near your face! Rude.
Pinkie: The Princess and I don’t even have fingers, silly!
While I write I like to glance at the butterflies in glass that are all around the walls. The people in memory are pinned to events I can't recall too well, but I'm putting one down to watch him break up, decompose and feed another sort of life.
Mina: The narrator is an amnesiac cannibal! RUN!!
The one in question is all fully biodegradable material and categorised as 'Rael'.
Mina: Over 70 percent of Rael is produced solely with recycled pulp and shredded Pepsi cans.
Rael hates me, I like Rael,
Luna: *sings* I stalked him, so they threw me in jail.
Mina: *sings also* Man, I never knew my poems were such fail!
Pinkie: *sings also also* At least I’m not swimming with a whale!
-- yes, even ostriches have feelings, but our relationship is something both of us are learning to live with.
Mina: So our main character is an ostrich? Is the narrator the lamb then?...
Luna: But what about the butterflies?
Pinkie: Oh, they went to take a look! It’s in a book! On Reading RAAAAAAINBOW! *pause* ...it’s a different book.
Luna: A better one, we hope.
Rael likes a good time, I like a good rhyme, but you won't see me directly anymore -- he hates my being around.
Luna: If thou always speakest in this way, we can clearly understand why.
Pinkie: Awwww...maybe we should throw the narrator a party later.
So if his story doesn't stand, I might lend a hand, you understand? (ie. the rhyme is planned, dummies).
Mina: First he accuses us of poking him, then he talks about eating people, then he calls us idiots!
Luna: “You’d know if you didn’t have the brains of mummies.”
Pinkie: “And if you hadn’t put all that popcorn in your tummies!”
Mina: ...Yeah. I think I spoke too soon about this one not being so bad.
The flickering needle jumps into red. New York crawls out of its bed.
Pinkie: ...don’t you mean Neigh York?
Luna: Which we thought was the city that never sleeps?
Mina: ...You guys have a New York in your world?
Luna: Neigh York. And Bridleway!
Pinkie: GIVE MY REGARDS TO BRIDLEWAY~!
Luna: REMEMBER ME TO HALTER SQUARE~!
Mina: ...Oh, right. You guys are ponies.
The weary guests are asked to leave the warmth of the all-night theater, having slept on pictures others only dream on.
Mina: The Finnish guy in the third row who slept on the Dali during Modern Times Forever woke up to find that his pocket watch had melted.
The un-paid extras disturb the Sleeping Broadway. WALK to the left DON'T WALK to the right:
Pinkie: Shuffle down the middle!
on Broadway, directions don't look so bright.
Luna: They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway.
Mina: ~On Broooadwaaaay~...
Autoghosts keep the pace for the cabman's early mobile race.
Enough of this --
Mina: Right, that’s our cue! *stands up to leave*
Luna: Alas, there appears to be more.
Mina: ...*huffs and sits down* Damnit.
Pinkie: *offers popcorn*
our hero is moving up the subway stairs into day- light. Beneath his leather jacket he holds a spray gun which has left the message R-A-E-L in big letters the wall leading underground.
Mina: He forgot to add S-U-C-K-S afterwards!
It may not mean much to you but to Rael it is part of the process going towards 'making a name for yourself.'
Mina: I would have picked a better name, myself. What do you guys think?
Pinkie: I think he looks kinda like a Black Slinky! Oooh, oooh, no - Spraypaints McGee!
Luna: We think he is taking this process far too literally.
When you're not even a pure-bred Puerto Rican the going gets tough and the tough gets going.
Pinkie: And the Raels commit minor acts of vandalism!
Mina: Heeeeey! This book comes with pictures! COOL!
With casual sideways glances along the wet street, he checks the motion in the steam to look for potential obstruction.
Luna: *squints at the picture* Is that truly a casual glance? Humans have such strange expressions. *glances at Mina* ...no offense intended.
Mina: I dunno, maybe its New York casual to look constipated.
Pinkie: I didn’t know you could shoot light from your hands either! Unless maybe...
Luna: Is he regenerating? *blinks...*
Mina: *also squints* Groucho Marx is kicking his shins. I think he’s onto something there...
Seeing none, he strides along the sidewalk, past the drugstore with iron guard being removed to reveal
Mina: Tim Curry in fishnets!
Pinkie: Awww, you ruined the antici...
the smile of the toothpaste girl, past the nightladies and past Patrolman Frank Leonowich (48, married, two kids)
Mina: And bakes a mean tuna casserole...
Pinkie: Sometimes he likes to sneak extra brownies when no one’s looking...
Luna: His left arm is .05 centimeters longer than his right...
who stands in the doorway of the wig-store. Patrolman Leonowich looks at Rael in much the same way that other Patrolmen look at him,
Mina: With barely veiled longing and desire!
Pinkie: ...PATION!
and Rael only just hides that he is hiding something.
Mina: Officer: Son! Are you hiding something under your jacket?
Pinkie: Rael: Of course not, silly! I’m just taking my can of spray paint out for a walk!
Mina: Officer: Oh...ok, just checking! Sorry!
Meanwhile from out of the steam a lamb lies down. This lamb has nothing whatsoever to do with Rael, or any other lamb -- it just lies down on Broadway.
Mina: ...Wait, it has nothing to do with the story, but the story...is called ‘The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway’.
Pinkie: Maybe this whole thing is just some crazy wild dream the lamb is having! That’s what happens when you eat too much frosting before bed! *solemn nod*
Mina: Maybe not normal frosting...
Luna: They say there’s always magic in the air.
Mina: ~On Brooooadway~...
The sky is overcast and as Rael looks back a dark cloud is descending like a balloon into Times Square.
Mina: The red sky and the blue sky then met and laughed their butts off at that cloud.
It rests on the ground and shapes itself into a hard edged flat surface, which solidifies and extends itself all the way East and West along 47th Street and reaching up to the dark sky.
Luna: ...and everyone suffocated and died. THE END!
Mina: Oh! Ok! *stands up to leave*
Pinkie: THAT’S NOT HOW BALLOONS WORK!
Mina: ...*realizes no one else is standing up and sits back down with another huff*
As the wall takes up its tension it becomes a screen showing what had existed in three dimensions, on the other side just a moment before.
Mina: Showing on this screen tonight, a science fiction double feature!
Pinkie: Sorry, Brad and Janet are running just a teeeeny bit late. Car troubles!
The image flickers and then cracks like painted clay and the wall silently moves forward, absorbing everything in its path. The unsuspecting New Yorkers are apparently blind to what is going on.
Mina: Or it could be that its New York and they’re used to this kind of stuff happening on Tuesdays and they’re just waiting for the Avengers to show up and save the day!
Luna: Indeed, it sounds just like Neigh York.
Pinkie: I’ve always wanted to meet Iron Mane...
Mina: ...*ping* How about...uh, Thor-O-Bred, Gelding of Thunder? Or...The Russian Trotter? Or Captain Equestria? Or even Horse Hulk--
Pinkie: Or KICK FURY!
With casual sideways glances along the wet street, he checks the motion in the steam to look for potential obstruction. Seeing none, he strides along the sidewalk, past the drugstore with iron guard being removed to reveal the smile of the toothpaste girl, past the nightladies and past Patrolman Frank Leonowich (48, married, two kids) who stands in the doorway of the wig-store.
Mina: Hey wait--didn’t we just read--
Pinkie: Yyyyyyeah...we DID, didn’t we?
Patrolman Leonowich looks at Rael in much the same way that other Patrolmen look at him, and Rael only just hides that he is hiding something. Meanwhile from out of the steam a lamb lies down. This lamb has nothing whatsoever to do with Rael, or any other lamb -- it just lies down on Broadway.
Mina: AAH! WE’RE IN A TIME LOOP! THIS STORY’S CREATED A TIME PARADOX!! SETSUNA, HELP US!!!
Pinkie: GREAT SCOTT!!! He really IS a Time Lord!
Luna: Well, when you’re walking down the street and you ain’t had enough to eat, the glitter rubs right off and you’re nowhere.
Mina: *bawls* ~OO-HO-HO-HON BROOOOADWAA-HA-HA-HAAAAY~...
The sky is overcast and as Rael looks back a dark cloud is descending like a balloon into Times Square. It rests on the ground and shapes itself into a hard edged flat surface, which solidifies and extends itself all the way East and West along 47th Street and reaching up to the dark sky.
Mina: *continues to bawl* WE ALREADY READ THIS!!
Luna: Perhaps somepony slipped in a duplicate page on accident?
Pinkie: IT’S A GALLOPFREYAN CONSPIRACY!
Mina: *crais some more* Past page and present page have touched!! Space and time are ending!!
As the wall takes up its tension it becomes a screen showing what had existed in three dimensions, on the other side just a moment before. The image flickers and then cracks like painted clay and the wall silently moves forward, absorbing everything in its path.
Pinkie: AAAAAAAH! THE GIANT LIPS! THE GIANT LIIIIIIPS!
The unsuspecting New Yorkers are apparently blind to what is going on.
Mina: ...Is the time paradox over?
Pinkie: We finally got back to the future!
Luna: It finally hit 88 miles per hour?
Rael starts to run away towards Columbus Circle.
Mina: Rael: YOU’LL NEVER TAKE MY SPRAY PAINT, TIME COPPERS!
Each time he dares to take a look, the wall has moved another block. At the moment when he thinks he's maintaining his distance from the wall,
Mina: He runs straight into another wall with a satisfying splat. The end! *stands up to leave*
Luna: But the story is still going!
Pinkie: And the sleepover just started!
Mina: Hnnnngh... *sits down again with a mumble* Seriously, this writing makes Bella sound like a Nobel laureate.
the wind blows hard and cold slowing down his speed. The wind increases, dries the wet street and picks up the dust off the surface, throwing it into Rael's face.
Mina: Wind: I just started wuthering on you! NYAH HA!
Pinkie: Duuuuuuust in the wind...
More and more dirt is blown up and it begins to settle on Rael's skin and clothes, making a solid layered coat that brings him gradually to a terrified stillness.
Pinkie: *imitating Rarity* Darling, dirt is so last season! It’s all about mud now!
A sitting duck.
Mina: Meanwhile Donald Duck was already in the fallout shelter ten minutes ago. But seriously, what’s with Peter Gabriel’s obsession with comparing this guy to fifteen different species of animals that have nothing to do with one another?
Pinkie: At least he didn’t use ponies?
Mina: ...True.
The moment of impact bursts through the silence and in a roar of sound,
Mina: The Lion King returned to Pride Rock! And then had Rael over for lunch~!
the final second is prolonged in a world of echoes as if the concrete and clay of Broadway itself was reliving its memories.
Mina: Broadway: ...oh god, the summer Godzilla...and Matthew Broderick...NOOOO!!
Luna: No! Anything but “Spider-Colt: Turn Off the Dark!”
The last great march past. Newsman stands limp as a whimper as audience and event are locked as one. Bing Crosby coos "You don't have to feel pain to sing the blues,
Mina: No, but the pain I feel from this story is more than enough to try...
you don't have to holla -- you don't feel a thing in your dollar collar." Martin Luther King cries "Everybody Sing!"
Pinkie: Okay! LEEET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAIN~
and rings the grand old liberty bell. Leary, weary of his prison cell, walks on heaven, talks on hell. J.F.K. gives the O.K. to shoot us,
Mina: ...don’t tempt us, story. Um. School bus.
sipping Orange Julius and Lemon Brutus.
Pinkie: Et tu, Lemon Brute?
Mina: Here lies Orange Julius, felled by a sharpened Dairy Queen Blizzard spoon...
Bare breasted cowboy double decks the triple champion.
Mina: ...*involuntarily fans self*
Who needs Medicare and the 35c flat rate fare, when Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers are dancing through the air?
Mina: Well, when the rhyming resumed, I gave the narrator a glare!
Pinkie: I ate my popcorn without a care!
Luna: They had style, they had grace, Rita Neighworth gave good face...
From Broadway Melody stereotypes the band returns to 'Stars and Stripes' bringing a tear to the moonshiner, who's been pouring out his spirit from the illegal still. The pawn broker clears the noisy till and clutches his lucky dollar bill. Then the blackout.
Pinkie: It’s the end of the world as we know it!
Mina: Or at least the end of Rael’s supply of angel dust. It all blew away...
Pinkie: ALL WE ARE IS DUST IN THE WIIIIIIIND...
Rael regains consciousness in some musky half-light. He is warmly wrapped in some
sort of cocoon.
Mina: Only to find he woke up next to WILFORD BRIMLEY!
Pinkie: Who was really TIM CURRY IN DISGUISE!
The only sound he can hear is dripping water which appears to be the
source of a pale flickering light. He guesses he must be in some sort of cave -- or kooky
tomb, or catacomb, or eggshell waiting to drop from the bone of the womb.
Mina: It was at this point that Rael started making clucking sounds and having night terrors about Ray Kroc!
Luna: Oh! Kroc with a “K”. Like “crocodile”, but not spelled that way.
Whatever it is, he feels serene, very clean, and content as a well kept dummy with hot water in his tummy, so why worry what it means?
Mina: It means the plastic on your torso is melting. PANIC!!
Resigning himself to the unknown he drifts off into sleep.
He wakes in a cold sweat with a strong urge to vomit.
Mina: Oh, we’ve been at that point for awhile, Rael. Welcome to the club.
Pinkie: Here’s your cupcake!
There's no sign of the cocoon and he can see more of the cave about him. There is much more of the glowing water dripping from the roof
Mina: Rael: RED RAAAAAIN!! ITS POURING DOWN!! ALL OVER ME!!
and stalactites and stalagmites are forming and decomposing at an alarming rate all around him.
Mina: This is a cave on acid...any questions?
Luna: *raises a hoof* Hm. Although we are unsure we want the answers. *lowers her hoof*
As fear and shock register, he assures himself that self-control will provide some security, but this thought is abandoned as the stalactites and stalagmites lock into a fixed position, forming a cage whose bars are moving in towards him.
Mina: Rael: Oh no! I failed geology...and now geology is going to fail me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD...
At one moment there is a flash of light and he sees an infinite network of cages all strung together by a ropelike material. As the rocky bars press in on Rael's body, he sees his brother John outside, looking in.
Mina: Wait, this guy has a brother? Since when!?
Pinkie: Since he was born, probably!
Luna: John can see through him, see his true colors. Inside he’s ugly, ugly like John.
John's face is motionless despite screams for help, but in his vacant expression a tear of blood forms and trickles down his cheek.
Mina: ...He might want to get his eyeballs checked out. Ew.
Luna: *GASP!* Somepony did not keep thine fingers out of his eye!
Then he calmly walks away leaving Rael to face the pains which are beginning to sweep through his body.
Mina: Good call, John! Get out while you still can!!
However, just as John walks out of sight, the cage dissolves and Rael is left spinning like a top.
Pinkie: If he keeps spinning, that means the lamb is gonna be trapped in this dream FOREVER!
Luna: Is this what one would call “symbolism”?
Mina: Well, that or “drugs”.
When all this revolution is over, he sits down on a highly polished floor while his dizziness fades away. It is an empty modern hallway and the dreamdoll saleslady sits at the reception desk. Without prompting she goes into her rap:
Mina: ~I like big BUTTS and I cannot LIE!!~
Luna: They say the girls are something else on Broadway.
Mina: ~On Brooooadwaaay~--wait, why do I keep doing that?
Luna: ...*shrugs*
"This is the Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging, those you are about to see are all in for servicing, except for a small quantity of our new product, in the second gallery.
Mina: Saleslady: In the third gallery you will find the temporary exhibition “Mike + the Mechanics and the Anatomy of Side Project Abominations”. In the fourth gallery you’ll find our gift shop!
Pinkie: Make sure to pick up my mix CD if you’re in there!
It is all the stock required to cover the existing arrangements of the enterprise.
Mina: Saleslady: Or you could just read the Star Trek wiki. But I digress!
Luna: Make it so.
Different batches are distributed to area operators, and there are plenty of opportunities for the large investor.
Mina: Rael: Strange is your language, but I have no decoder...*beep boop*
They stretch from the costly care-conditioned to the most reasonable mal-nutritioned.
Mina: How is malnutrition reasonable?
Luna: If one gets nutrition from mals, we suppose.
Mina: *actually takes this into consideration*...maybe...
We find here that everyone's looks become them. Except for the low market mal-nutritioned, each is provided with a guarantee for a successful birth and trouble free infancy.
Mina: So...uh...
There is however only a small amount of variable choice potential -- not too far from the mean differential.
Mina: Um...er...math? *bsods*
Luna: *yaaaaaaaaaawn...*
Pinkie: *drools into her pillow*
You see, the roof has predetermined the limits of action of any group of packages, but individuals may move off the path if their diversions are counter-balanced by others."
Mina: Ok, that...wasn’t a rap, that was a quarterly sales orientation.
Luna: ...but looking at them just gives him the blues.
Mina: ~On Brooooadwa-~ -seriously, why do I keep doing that!?
As he wanders along the line of packages, Rael notices a familiarity in some of their faces.
Mina: The faces of those he has wronged haunt him to this day...
He finally comes upon some of the members of his old gang and worries about his own safety. Running out through the factory floor, he catches sight of his brother John with a number 9 stamped on his forehead.
Luna: T’was not a 9. T’was an upside-down 6!
Pinkie: *whispers* Conspiracyyyyyyyyy...
No-one seems to take up the chase, and with the familiar faces fresh in his mind he moves into a reconstruction of his old life, above ground -
Mina: The following reconstruction of Rael’s old life was funded by Krylon! We go hard in the paint!
Too much time was one thing he didn't need, so he used to cut through it with a little speed. He was better off dead, than slow in the head.
Mina: Unfortunately, he was stupid anyhow, so he couldn’t tell the difference.
His momma and poppa had taken a ride on his back, so he left very quickly to join The Pack.
Mina: Hey, Sinatra preferred that they be called ‘the Summit’, thank you very much.
Pinkie: And he’d never let you join anyway, so there!
Only after a spell in Pontiac reformatory was he given any respect in the gang. Now, walking back home after a raid, he was cuddling a sleeping porcupine.
Pinkie: Once they really really like him, they’ll let him cuddle with the angry hydra!
That night he pictured the removal of his hairy heart and to the accompaniment of very romantic music as he watched it being shaved smooth by an anonymous stainless steel razor.
Mina: He really should stop eating cat fur and horse hair for lunch.
Pinkie: *eyes go wide, clutches at tail*
Luna: Would thou sayest that he has “heart fur-n”? *...groans at that herself and buries her face in her hooves*
The palpitating cherry-red organ was returned to its rightful place and began to beat faster as it led our hero, counting out time, through his first romantic encounter.
Luna: Is this making any sense to anypony?
Pinkie: Mmmmm...yep!
Luna: Wouldst thou be kind enough to explain?
Mina: ...Please tell me we’re spared the details of this ‘romantic encounter’.
Pinkie: See, the whole thing’s secretly about alien time spies! And the fruit industry!
Luna: ...oooh.
He returns from his mixed-up memories to the passage he was previously stuck in.
Mina: *lets out a sigh of relief*
This time he discovers a long carpeted corridor. The walls are painted in red ochre and are marked by strange insignia, some looking like a bulls-eye, others of birds and boats.
Mina: And still others looked like Family Circle comics!
Pinkie: ONE of them even looked like a giant cupcake!
Luna: And one that was just a splatter of paint. They weren’t even trying after a while.
Further down the corridor, he can see some people; all kneeling. With broken sighs and murmurs they struggle, in their slow motion to move towards a wooden door at the end.
Mina: ...Well, I guess standing up and just walking to the door never occurred to these people!
Luna: HA! Preposterous!
Having seen only the inanimate bodies in the Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging, Rael rushes to talk to them.
Luna: *sings* Seventy-six inanimate bodies in the Grade Parade~
"What's going on?" he cries to a muttering monk,
Luna: We have given up trying to find the answer this question some time ago.
who conceals a yawn and replies "It's a long time yet before the dawn." A sphinx-like crawler calls his name saying "Don't ask him, the monk is drunk.
Mina: Monk: *slurring* YEAH’m drunnnk, ish on the HOLY SHHHPIRRRIT! Oop, shoiled mysshhhelf again...
Each one of us is trying to reach the top of the stairs, a way out will await us there."
Mina: Uh, again, stand up, walk to the door. Where’s the difficulty in this?
Pinkie: Maybe it’s some kind of game?
Not asking how he can move freely, our hero goes boldly through the door. Behind a table loaded with food, is a spiral staircase going up into the ceiling.
Mina: Go for the food! I bet its delicious!
Pinkie: Naaah. It all came from a mal!
At the top of the stairs he finds a chamber. It is almost a hemisphere with a great many doors all the way round its circumference. There is a large crowd, huddled in various groups. From the shouting, Rael learns that there are 32 doors, but only one that leads out.
Mina: And one door has a Zonk behind it! Choose wisely, Rael!
Their voices get louder and louder until Rael screams "Shut up!"
Mina: ...Wait, did Rael actually talk?
Luna: No. He screamed.
Pinkie: IT’S DIFFERENT, SEE?
There is a momentary silence and then Rael finds himself the focus as they direct their advice and commands to their new found recruit.
Bred on trash, fed on ash
Mina: And hiiiiiiigh on hash...
Pinkie: Doing the Monster Mash!
Luna: While getting a rash.
the jigsaw master has got to move faster.
Luna: He wants to play a game.
Mina: The most intense Candy Land game ever recorded then ensued.
Pinkie: Candy Land? *pulls Mina closer* You have a game called CANDY LAND?!?!?
Mina: *blink* ...Yeah?
Pinkie: *even closer* I NEED IT!
Mina: o_o
Rael sees a quiet corner and rushes to it. He stands by a middle-aged woman, with a very pale skin who is quietly talking to herself.
Mina: Blind Lady: ‘Get work in a Peter Gabriel video’, Jan said...what was I thinking?!
He discovers she is blind and asking for a guide. "What's the use of a guide if you got nowhere to go" asks Rael.
Mina: ‘Yes’ or ‘no’ would suffice, Rael. Why are you as much of a jerk as the narrator?
Luna: Perhaps Rael and the narrator are one and the same!
Mina: *gasp!* NO, surely not!
"I've got somewhere to go," she replies "if you take me through the noise, I'll show you. I'm a creature of the caves and I follow the way the breezes blow."
Mina: Blind Lady: Of course said breezes are actually monster farts and they had chili bean dip for lunch. You’ve been warned.
He leads her across the room and they leave the crowd, who dismiss their departure as certain to fail.
Mina: Considering Rael’s track record in this story, they might have had a point.
When through the door, the woman leads Rael down the tunnel. The light of the chamber soon fades and despite her confident step Rael often stumbles in the darkness.
Luna: Perhaps she “sees” with her feet?
Mina: Its Toph Bei Fong!
At the top of the stairs he finds a chamber. It is almost a hemisphere with a great many doors all the way round its circumference.
Mina: AAAH!! ITS REPEATING AGAIN!!
Pinkie: AAAH!! IT’S REPEATING AGAIN!!
Luna: AAAH!!! IT’S REPEATING AGAIN!!
Mina: PINKIE!! HOLD ME!! WE’RE GONNA DIE!!!
There is a large crowd, huddled in various groups.
Mina: Group: Its just a jump to the left...and then aOH CRAP RAEL’S BACK! Quick, hide the transvestites!
From the shouting, Rael learns that there are 32 doors, but only one that leads out. Their voices get louder and louder until Rael screams "Shut up!"
Mina: *snaps* NO! NO, YOU SHUT UP!! *suddenly stands up and...brandishes a sledgehammer!?*
Luna: *o_o* Where...?
Mina: *waves sledgehammer threateningly at the screen* YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, PETER GABRIEL!? YOU WANNA TELL ME TO SHUT UP AGAIN!? TRY IT!! GO ON AND TRY IT!! I’LL KNOCK YOU TO SOLISBURY HILL AND BACK, YOU MONKEY-LOVING DICK-SNIPPING KATE BUSH-DUETTING PSEUDO-GANGSTER TWAT!!!
Luna: CALM THYSELF! *huff* Honestly...
Mina: ...*slumps back into her chair and sobs* I liked “In Your Eyes”...I don’t feel so good...
Luna: *gives Mina a tiny hair-nuzzle*
Pinkie: ...what’s a twat?
There is a momentary silence and then Rael finds himself the focus as they direct their advice and commands to their new found recruit.
Luna: Let us guess... “Bred on trash, fed on ash...”
Bred on trash, fed on ash
Luna: *SIGH*
Pinkie: Maybe they can figure out what’s going on THIS time!
the jigsaw master has got to move faster. Rael sees a quiet corner and rushes to it. He stands by a middle-aged woman, with a very pale skin who is quietly talking to herself. He discovers she is blind and asking for a guide. "What's the use of a guide if you got nowhere to go" asks Rael. "I've got somewhere to go," she replies
Mina: Blind Lady: Thursday night bingo! Didn’t I just tell you that on the last page?
"if you take me through the noise, I'll show you. I'm a creature of the caves and I follow the way the breezes blow."
Mina: Blind Lady: You know what they say, follow you, and you follow me~
He leads her across the room and they leave the crowd, who dismiss their departure as certain to fail.
Mina: Considering Rael’s track record in this story, they might have had a point. Again.
Pinkie: NO, MINAKO! DON’T YOU TIME WARP ON US TOO!
When through the door, the woman leads Rael down the tunnel. The light of the chamber soon fades and despite her confident step Rael often stumbles in the darkness.
Pinkie: ...wait, is it over?
Luna: They say that we won’t last too long on Broadway. *gets up* We’ll catch a Greyhound bus for home, they all say. But, oh... THEY ARE CORRECT. *heads for the door!*
Mina: ~On Brooooadwa--~...Ok, SERIOUSLY...
Pinkie: But...WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAMB?
Mina: *comforts* Pinkie, Pinkie, its ok. I bet he’s fine. He’s still on that sidewalk, sitting there, just chilling out and eating a waffle ice cream cone. And laughing at Rael.
Luna: *from the hall* HURRY BEFORE THE STORY BEGINS YET AGAIN!
Mina: It better not! *waves sledgehammer menacingly as she exits*
Pinkie: *runs after* Wait! We still have to finish our sleepover!
By Peter Gabriel
Mina: You know, guys, I’ve got a feeling this might not be as bad as the other stuff that’s been riffed. Maybe its because I got such a good sleep, or maybe I can feel it in the air tonight, but-
Pinkie: Well, DUH! How could anything about sheep at a sleepover ever be BAD?
Luna: What is... a sleepover?
Mina: Oh! It’s where you sleep over at someone else’s house and have a party! Oh, speaking of which...*sounds of ripping clothing. Cue Mina in pajamas* I came prepared.
Luna: ...we are still confused.
Mina: Don’t worry, Princess! We’ll teach you.
Luna: Can we have one of these... “sleepovers”?
Pinkie: YES! RIGHT NOW! *whips out a pillow*
Luna: *o_o*
Mina: AWESOME! Gimme hoof, Pinkie!
Keep your fingers out of my eye.
Mina: I’m nowhere near your face! Rude.
Pinkie: The Princess and I don’t even have fingers, silly!
While I write I like to glance at the butterflies in glass that are all around the walls. The people in memory are pinned to events I can't recall too well, but I'm putting one down to watch him break up, decompose and feed another sort of life.
Mina: The narrator is an amnesiac cannibal! RUN!!
The one in question is all fully biodegradable material and categorised as 'Rael'.
Mina: Over 70 percent of Rael is produced solely with recycled pulp and shredded Pepsi cans.
Rael hates me, I like Rael,
Luna: *sings* I stalked him, so they threw me in jail.
Mina: *sings also* Man, I never knew my poems were such fail!
Pinkie: *sings also also* At least I’m not swimming with a whale!
-- yes, even ostriches have feelings, but our relationship is something both of us are learning to live with.
Mina: So our main character is an ostrich? Is the narrator the lamb then?...
Luna: But what about the butterflies?
Pinkie: Oh, they went to take a look! It’s in a book! On Reading RAAAAAAINBOW! *pause* ...it’s a different book.
Luna: A better one, we hope.
Rael likes a good time, I like a good rhyme, but you won't see me directly anymore -- he hates my being around.
Luna: If thou always speakest in this way, we can clearly understand why.
Pinkie: Awwww...maybe we should throw the narrator a party later.
So if his story doesn't stand, I might lend a hand, you understand? (ie. the rhyme is planned, dummies).
Mina: First he accuses us of poking him, then he talks about eating people, then he calls us idiots!
Luna: “You’d know if you didn’t have the brains of mummies.”
Pinkie: “And if you hadn’t put all that popcorn in your tummies!”
Mina: ...Yeah. I think I spoke too soon about this one not being so bad.
The flickering needle jumps into red. New York crawls out of its bed.
Pinkie: ...don’t you mean Neigh York?
Luna: Which we thought was the city that never sleeps?
Mina: ...You guys have a New York in your world?
Luna: Neigh York. And Bridleway!
Pinkie: GIVE MY REGARDS TO BRIDLEWAY~!
Luna: REMEMBER ME TO HALTER SQUARE~!
Mina: ...Oh, right. You guys are ponies.
The weary guests are asked to leave the warmth of the all-night theater, having slept on pictures others only dream on.
Mina: The Finnish guy in the third row who slept on the Dali during Modern Times Forever woke up to find that his pocket watch had melted.
The un-paid extras disturb the Sleeping Broadway. WALK to the left DON'T WALK to the right:
Pinkie: Shuffle down the middle!
on Broadway, directions don't look so bright.
Luna: They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway.
Mina: ~On Broooadwaaaay~...
Autoghosts keep the pace for the cabman's early mobile race.
Enough of this --
Mina: Right, that’s our cue! *stands up to leave*
Luna: Alas, there appears to be more.
Mina: ...*huffs and sits down* Damnit.
Pinkie: *offers popcorn*
our hero is moving up the subway stairs into day- light. Beneath his leather jacket he holds a spray gun which has left the message R-A-E-L in big letters the wall leading underground.
Mina: He forgot to add S-U-C-K-S afterwards!
It may not mean much to you but to Rael it is part of the process going towards 'making a name for yourself.'
Mina: I would have picked a better name, myself. What do you guys think?
Pinkie: I think he looks kinda like a Black Slinky! Oooh, oooh, no - Spraypaints McGee!
Luna: We think he is taking this process far too literally.
When you're not even a pure-bred Puerto Rican the going gets tough and the tough gets going.
Pinkie: And the Raels commit minor acts of vandalism!
Mina: Heeeeey! This book comes with pictures! COOL!
With casual sideways glances along the wet street, he checks the motion in the steam to look for potential obstruction.
Luna: *squints at the picture* Is that truly a casual glance? Humans have such strange expressions. *glances at Mina* ...no offense intended.
Mina: I dunno, maybe its New York casual to look constipated.
Pinkie: I didn’t know you could shoot light from your hands either! Unless maybe...
Luna: Is he regenerating? *blinks...*
Mina: *also squints* Groucho Marx is kicking his shins. I think he’s onto something there...
Seeing none, he strides along the sidewalk, past the drugstore with iron guard being removed to reveal
Mina: Tim Curry in fishnets!
Pinkie: Awww, you ruined the antici...
the smile of the toothpaste girl, past the nightladies and past Patrolman Frank Leonowich (48, married, two kids)
Mina: And bakes a mean tuna casserole...
Pinkie: Sometimes he likes to sneak extra brownies when no one’s looking...
Luna: His left arm is .05 centimeters longer than his right...
who stands in the doorway of the wig-store. Patrolman Leonowich looks at Rael in much the same way that other Patrolmen look at him,
Mina: With barely veiled longing and desire!
Pinkie: ...PATION!
and Rael only just hides that he is hiding something.
Mina: Officer: Son! Are you hiding something under your jacket?
Pinkie: Rael: Of course not, silly! I’m just taking my can of spray paint out for a walk!
Mina: Officer: Oh...ok, just checking! Sorry!
Meanwhile from out of the steam a lamb lies down. This lamb has nothing whatsoever to do with Rael, or any other lamb -- it just lies down on Broadway.
Mina: ...Wait, it has nothing to do with the story, but the story...is called ‘The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway’.
Pinkie: Maybe this whole thing is just some crazy wild dream the lamb is having! That’s what happens when you eat too much frosting before bed! *solemn nod*
Mina: Maybe not normal frosting...
Luna: They say there’s always magic in the air.
Mina: ~On Brooooadway~...
The sky is overcast and as Rael looks back a dark cloud is descending like a balloon into Times Square.
Mina: The red sky and the blue sky then met and laughed their butts off at that cloud.
It rests on the ground and shapes itself into a hard edged flat surface, which solidifies and extends itself all the way East and West along 47th Street and reaching up to the dark sky.
Luna: ...and everyone suffocated and died. THE END!
Mina: Oh! Ok! *stands up to leave*
Pinkie: THAT’S NOT HOW BALLOONS WORK!
Mina: ...*realizes no one else is standing up and sits back down with another huff*
As the wall takes up its tension it becomes a screen showing what had existed in three dimensions, on the other side just a moment before.
Mina: Showing on this screen tonight, a science fiction double feature!
Pinkie: Sorry, Brad and Janet are running just a teeeeny bit late. Car troubles!
The image flickers and then cracks like painted clay and the wall silently moves forward, absorbing everything in its path. The unsuspecting New Yorkers are apparently blind to what is going on.
Mina: Or it could be that its New York and they’re used to this kind of stuff happening on Tuesdays and they’re just waiting for the Avengers to show up and save the day!
Luna: Indeed, it sounds just like Neigh York.
Pinkie: I’ve always wanted to meet Iron Mane...
Mina: ...*ping* How about...uh, Thor-O-Bred, Gelding of Thunder? Or...The Russian Trotter? Or Captain Equestria? Or even Horse Hulk--
Pinkie: Or KICK FURY!
With casual sideways glances along the wet street, he checks the motion in the steam to look for potential obstruction. Seeing none, he strides along the sidewalk, past the drugstore with iron guard being removed to reveal the smile of the toothpaste girl, past the nightladies and past Patrolman Frank Leonowich (48, married, two kids) who stands in the doorway of the wig-store.
Mina: Hey wait--didn’t we just read--
Pinkie: Yyyyyyeah...we DID, didn’t we?
Patrolman Leonowich looks at Rael in much the same way that other Patrolmen look at him, and Rael only just hides that he is hiding something. Meanwhile from out of the steam a lamb lies down. This lamb has nothing whatsoever to do with Rael, or any other lamb -- it just lies down on Broadway.
Mina: AAH! WE’RE IN A TIME LOOP! THIS STORY’S CREATED A TIME PARADOX!! SETSUNA, HELP US!!!
Pinkie: GREAT SCOTT!!! He really IS a Time Lord!
Luna: Well, when you’re walking down the street and you ain’t had enough to eat, the glitter rubs right off and you’re nowhere.
Mina: *bawls* ~OO-HO-HO-HON BROOOOADWAA-HA-HA-HAAAAY~...
The sky is overcast and as Rael looks back a dark cloud is descending like a balloon into Times Square. It rests on the ground and shapes itself into a hard edged flat surface, which solidifies and extends itself all the way East and West along 47th Street and reaching up to the dark sky.
Mina: *continues to bawl* WE ALREADY READ THIS!!
Luna: Perhaps somepony slipped in a duplicate page on accident?
Pinkie: IT’S A GALLOPFREYAN CONSPIRACY!
Mina: *crais some more* Past page and present page have touched!! Space and time are ending!!
As the wall takes up its tension it becomes a screen showing what had existed in three dimensions, on the other side just a moment before. The image flickers and then cracks like painted clay and the wall silently moves forward, absorbing everything in its path.
Pinkie: AAAAAAAH! THE GIANT LIPS! THE GIANT LIIIIIIPS!
The unsuspecting New Yorkers are apparently blind to what is going on.
Mina: ...Is the time paradox over?
Pinkie: We finally got back to the future!
Luna: It finally hit 88 miles per hour?
Rael starts to run away towards Columbus Circle.
Mina: Rael: YOU’LL NEVER TAKE MY SPRAY PAINT, TIME COPPERS!
Each time he dares to take a look, the wall has moved another block. At the moment when he thinks he's maintaining his distance from the wall,
Mina: He runs straight into another wall with a satisfying splat. The end! *stands up to leave*
Luna: But the story is still going!
Pinkie: And the sleepover just started!
Mina: Hnnnngh... *sits down again with a mumble* Seriously, this writing makes Bella sound like a Nobel laureate.
the wind blows hard and cold slowing down his speed. The wind increases, dries the wet street and picks up the dust off the surface, throwing it into Rael's face.
Mina: Wind: I just started wuthering on you! NYAH HA!
Pinkie: Duuuuuuust in the wind...
More and more dirt is blown up and it begins to settle on Rael's skin and clothes, making a solid layered coat that brings him gradually to a terrified stillness.
Pinkie: *imitating Rarity* Darling, dirt is so last season! It’s all about mud now!
A sitting duck.
Mina: Meanwhile Donald Duck was already in the fallout shelter ten minutes ago. But seriously, what’s with Peter Gabriel’s obsession with comparing this guy to fifteen different species of animals that have nothing to do with one another?
Pinkie: At least he didn’t use ponies?
Mina: ...True.
The moment of impact bursts through the silence and in a roar of sound,
Mina: The Lion King returned to Pride Rock! And then had Rael over for lunch~!
the final second is prolonged in a world of echoes as if the concrete and clay of Broadway itself was reliving its memories.
Mina: Broadway: ...oh god, the summer Godzilla...and Matthew Broderick...NOOOO!!
Luna: No! Anything but “Spider-Colt: Turn Off the Dark!”
The last great march past. Newsman stands limp as a whimper as audience and event are locked as one. Bing Crosby coos "You don't have to feel pain to sing the blues,
Mina: No, but the pain I feel from this story is more than enough to try...
you don't have to holla -- you don't feel a thing in your dollar collar." Martin Luther King cries "Everybody Sing!"
Pinkie: Okay! LEEET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAIN~
and rings the grand old liberty bell. Leary, weary of his prison cell, walks on heaven, talks on hell. J.F.K. gives the O.K. to shoot us,
Mina: ...don’t tempt us, story. Um. School bus.
sipping Orange Julius and Lemon Brutus.
Pinkie: Et tu, Lemon Brute?
Mina: Here lies Orange Julius, felled by a sharpened Dairy Queen Blizzard spoon...
Bare breasted cowboy double decks the triple champion.
Mina: ...*involuntarily fans self*
Who needs Medicare and the 35c flat rate fare, when Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers are dancing through the air?
Mina: Well, when the rhyming resumed, I gave the narrator a glare!
Pinkie: I ate my popcorn without a care!
Luna: They had style, they had grace, Rita Neighworth gave good face...
From Broadway Melody stereotypes the band returns to 'Stars and Stripes' bringing a tear to the moonshiner, who's been pouring out his spirit from the illegal still. The pawn broker clears the noisy till and clutches his lucky dollar bill. Then the blackout.
Pinkie: It’s the end of the world as we know it!
Mina: Or at least the end of Rael’s supply of angel dust. It all blew away...
Pinkie: ALL WE ARE IS DUST IN THE WIIIIIIIND...
Rael regains consciousness in some musky half-light. He is warmly wrapped in some
sort of cocoon.
Mina: Only to find he woke up next to WILFORD BRIMLEY!
Pinkie: Who was really TIM CURRY IN DISGUISE!
The only sound he can hear is dripping water which appears to be the
source of a pale flickering light. He guesses he must be in some sort of cave -- or kooky
tomb, or catacomb, or eggshell waiting to drop from the bone of the womb.
Mina: It was at this point that Rael started making clucking sounds and having night terrors about Ray Kroc!
Luna: Oh! Kroc with a “K”. Like “crocodile”, but not spelled that way.
Whatever it is, he feels serene, very clean, and content as a well kept dummy with hot water in his tummy, so why worry what it means?
Mina: It means the plastic on your torso is melting. PANIC!!
Resigning himself to the unknown he drifts off into sleep.
He wakes in a cold sweat with a strong urge to vomit.
Mina: Oh, we’ve been at that point for awhile, Rael. Welcome to the club.
Pinkie: Here’s your cupcake!
There's no sign of the cocoon and he can see more of the cave about him. There is much more of the glowing water dripping from the roof
Mina: Rael: RED RAAAAAIN!! ITS POURING DOWN!! ALL OVER ME!!
and stalactites and stalagmites are forming and decomposing at an alarming rate all around him.
Mina: This is a cave on acid...any questions?
Luna: *raises a hoof* Hm. Although we are unsure we want the answers. *lowers her hoof*
As fear and shock register, he assures himself that self-control will provide some security, but this thought is abandoned as the stalactites and stalagmites lock into a fixed position, forming a cage whose bars are moving in towards him.
Mina: Rael: Oh no! I failed geology...and now geology is going to fail me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD...
At one moment there is a flash of light and he sees an infinite network of cages all strung together by a ropelike material. As the rocky bars press in on Rael's body, he sees his brother John outside, looking in.
Mina: Wait, this guy has a brother? Since when!?
Pinkie: Since he was born, probably!
Luna: John can see through him, see his true colors. Inside he’s ugly, ugly like John.
John's face is motionless despite screams for help, but in his vacant expression a tear of blood forms and trickles down his cheek.
Mina: ...He might want to get his eyeballs checked out. Ew.
Luna: *GASP!* Somepony did not keep thine fingers out of his eye!
Then he calmly walks away leaving Rael to face the pains which are beginning to sweep through his body.
Mina: Good call, John! Get out while you still can!!
However, just as John walks out of sight, the cage dissolves and Rael is left spinning like a top.
Pinkie: If he keeps spinning, that means the lamb is gonna be trapped in this dream FOREVER!
Luna: Is this what one would call “symbolism”?
Mina: Well, that or “drugs”.
When all this revolution is over, he sits down on a highly polished floor while his dizziness fades away. It is an empty modern hallway and the dreamdoll saleslady sits at the reception desk. Without prompting she goes into her rap:
Mina: ~I like big BUTTS and I cannot LIE!!~
Luna: They say the girls are something else on Broadway.
Mina: ~On Brooooadwaaay~--wait, why do I keep doing that?
Luna: ...*shrugs*
"This is the Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging, those you are about to see are all in for servicing, except for a small quantity of our new product, in the second gallery.
Mina: Saleslady: In the third gallery you will find the temporary exhibition “Mike + the Mechanics and the Anatomy of Side Project Abominations”. In the fourth gallery you’ll find our gift shop!
Pinkie: Make sure to pick up my mix CD if you’re in there!
It is all the stock required to cover the existing arrangements of the enterprise.
Mina: Saleslady: Or you could just read the Star Trek wiki. But I digress!
Luna: Make it so.
Different batches are distributed to area operators, and there are plenty of opportunities for the large investor.
Mina: Rael: Strange is your language, but I have no decoder...*beep boop*
They stretch from the costly care-conditioned to the most reasonable mal-nutritioned.
Mina: How is malnutrition reasonable?
Luna: If one gets nutrition from mals, we suppose.
Mina: *actually takes this into consideration*...maybe...
We find here that everyone's looks become them. Except for the low market mal-nutritioned, each is provided with a guarantee for a successful birth and trouble free infancy.
Mina: So...uh...
There is however only a small amount of variable choice potential -- not too far from the mean differential.
Mina: Um...er...math? *bsods*
Luna: *yaaaaaaaaaawn...*
Pinkie: *drools into her pillow*
You see, the roof has predetermined the limits of action of any group of packages, but individuals may move off the path if their diversions are counter-balanced by others."
Mina: Ok, that...wasn’t a rap, that was a quarterly sales orientation.
Luna: ...but looking at them just gives him the blues.
Mina: ~On Brooooadwa-~ -seriously, why do I keep doing that!?
As he wanders along the line of packages, Rael notices a familiarity in some of their faces.
Mina: The faces of those he has wronged haunt him to this day...
He finally comes upon some of the members of his old gang and worries about his own safety. Running out through the factory floor, he catches sight of his brother John with a number 9 stamped on his forehead.
Luna: T’was not a 9. T’was an upside-down 6!
Pinkie: *whispers* Conspiracyyyyyyyyy...
No-one seems to take up the chase, and with the familiar faces fresh in his mind he moves into a reconstruction of his old life, above ground -
Mina: The following reconstruction of Rael’s old life was funded by Krylon! We go hard in the paint!
Too much time was one thing he didn't need, so he used to cut through it with a little speed. He was better off dead, than slow in the head.
Mina: Unfortunately, he was stupid anyhow, so he couldn’t tell the difference.
His momma and poppa had taken a ride on his back, so he left very quickly to join The Pack.
Mina: Hey, Sinatra preferred that they be called ‘the Summit’, thank you very much.
Pinkie: And he’d never let you join anyway, so there!
Only after a spell in Pontiac reformatory was he given any respect in the gang. Now, walking back home after a raid, he was cuddling a sleeping porcupine.
Pinkie: Once they really really like him, they’ll let him cuddle with the angry hydra!
That night he pictured the removal of his hairy heart and to the accompaniment of very romantic music as he watched it being shaved smooth by an anonymous stainless steel razor.
Mina: He really should stop eating cat fur and horse hair for lunch.
Pinkie: *eyes go wide, clutches at tail*
Luna: Would thou sayest that he has “heart fur-n”? *...groans at that herself and buries her face in her hooves*
The palpitating cherry-red organ was returned to its rightful place and began to beat faster as it led our hero, counting out time, through his first romantic encounter.
Luna: Is this making any sense to anypony?
Pinkie: Mmmmm...yep!
Luna: Wouldst thou be kind enough to explain?
Mina: ...Please tell me we’re spared the details of this ‘romantic encounter’.
Pinkie: See, the whole thing’s secretly about alien time spies! And the fruit industry!
Luna: ...oooh.
He returns from his mixed-up memories to the passage he was previously stuck in.
Mina: *lets out a sigh of relief*
This time he discovers a long carpeted corridor. The walls are painted in red ochre and are marked by strange insignia, some looking like a bulls-eye, others of birds and boats.
Mina: And still others looked like Family Circle comics!
Pinkie: ONE of them even looked like a giant cupcake!
Luna: And one that was just a splatter of paint. They weren’t even trying after a while.
Further down the corridor, he can see some people; all kneeling. With broken sighs and murmurs they struggle, in their slow motion to move towards a wooden door at the end.
Mina: ...Well, I guess standing up and just walking to the door never occurred to these people!
Luna: HA! Preposterous!
Having seen only the inanimate bodies in the Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging, Rael rushes to talk to them.
Luna: *sings* Seventy-six inanimate bodies in the Grade Parade~
"What's going on?" he cries to a muttering monk,
Luna: We have given up trying to find the answer this question some time ago.
who conceals a yawn and replies "It's a long time yet before the dawn." A sphinx-like crawler calls his name saying "Don't ask him, the monk is drunk.
Mina: Monk: *slurring* YEAH’m drunnnk, ish on the HOLY SHHHPIRRRIT! Oop, shoiled mysshhhelf again...
Each one of us is trying to reach the top of the stairs, a way out will await us there."
Mina: Uh, again, stand up, walk to the door. Where’s the difficulty in this?
Pinkie: Maybe it’s some kind of game?
Not asking how he can move freely, our hero goes boldly through the door. Behind a table loaded with food, is a spiral staircase going up into the ceiling.
Mina: Go for the food! I bet its delicious!
Pinkie: Naaah. It all came from a mal!
At the top of the stairs he finds a chamber. It is almost a hemisphere with a great many doors all the way round its circumference. There is a large crowd, huddled in various groups. From the shouting, Rael learns that there are 32 doors, but only one that leads out.
Mina: And one door has a Zonk behind it! Choose wisely, Rael!
Their voices get louder and louder until Rael screams "Shut up!"
Mina: ...Wait, did Rael actually talk?
Luna: No. He screamed.
Pinkie: IT’S DIFFERENT, SEE?
There is a momentary silence and then Rael finds himself the focus as they direct their advice and commands to their new found recruit.
Bred on trash, fed on ash
Mina: And hiiiiiiigh on hash...
Pinkie: Doing the Monster Mash!
Luna: While getting a rash.
the jigsaw master has got to move faster.
Luna: He wants to play a game.
Mina: The most intense Candy Land game ever recorded then ensued.
Pinkie: Candy Land? *pulls Mina closer* You have a game called CANDY LAND?!?!?
Mina: *blink* ...Yeah?
Pinkie: *even closer* I NEED IT!
Mina: o_o
Rael sees a quiet corner and rushes to it. He stands by a middle-aged woman, with a very pale skin who is quietly talking to herself.
Mina: Blind Lady: ‘Get work in a Peter Gabriel video’, Jan said...what was I thinking?!
He discovers she is blind and asking for a guide. "What's the use of a guide if you got nowhere to go" asks Rael.
Mina: ‘Yes’ or ‘no’ would suffice, Rael. Why are you as much of a jerk as the narrator?
Luna: Perhaps Rael and the narrator are one and the same!
Mina: *gasp!* NO, surely not!
"I've got somewhere to go," she replies "if you take me through the noise, I'll show you. I'm a creature of the caves and I follow the way the breezes blow."
Mina: Blind Lady: Of course said breezes are actually monster farts and they had chili bean dip for lunch. You’ve been warned.
He leads her across the room and they leave the crowd, who dismiss their departure as certain to fail.
Mina: Considering Rael’s track record in this story, they might have had a point.
When through the door, the woman leads Rael down the tunnel. The light of the chamber soon fades and despite her confident step Rael often stumbles in the darkness.
Luna: Perhaps she “sees” with her feet?
Mina: Its Toph Bei Fong!
At the top of the stairs he finds a chamber. It is almost a hemisphere with a great many doors all the way round its circumference.
Mina: AAAH!! ITS REPEATING AGAIN!!
Pinkie: AAAH!! IT’S REPEATING AGAIN!!
Luna: AAAH!!! IT’S REPEATING AGAIN!!
Mina: PINKIE!! HOLD ME!! WE’RE GONNA DIE!!!
There is a large crowd, huddled in various groups.
Mina: Group: Its just a jump to the left...and then aOH CRAP RAEL’S BACK! Quick, hide the transvestites!
From the shouting, Rael learns that there are 32 doors, but only one that leads out. Their voices get louder and louder until Rael screams "Shut up!"
Mina: *snaps* NO! NO, YOU SHUT UP!! *suddenly stands up and...brandishes a sledgehammer!?*
Luna: *o_o* Where...?
Mina: *waves sledgehammer threateningly at the screen* YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, PETER GABRIEL!? YOU WANNA TELL ME TO SHUT UP AGAIN!? TRY IT!! GO ON AND TRY IT!! I’LL KNOCK YOU TO SOLISBURY HILL AND BACK, YOU MONKEY-LOVING DICK-SNIPPING KATE BUSH-DUETTING PSEUDO-GANGSTER TWAT!!!
Luna: CALM THYSELF! *huff* Honestly...
Mina: ...*slumps back into her chair and sobs* I liked “In Your Eyes”...I don’t feel so good...
Luna: *gives Mina a tiny hair-nuzzle*
Pinkie: ...what’s a twat?
There is a momentary silence and then Rael finds himself the focus as they direct their advice and commands to their new found recruit.
Luna: Let us guess... “Bred on trash, fed on ash...”
Bred on trash, fed on ash
Luna: *SIGH*
Pinkie: Maybe they can figure out what’s going on THIS time!
the jigsaw master has got to move faster. Rael sees a quiet corner and rushes to it. He stands by a middle-aged woman, with a very pale skin who is quietly talking to herself. He discovers she is blind and asking for a guide. "What's the use of a guide if you got nowhere to go" asks Rael. "I've got somewhere to go," she replies
Mina: Blind Lady: Thursday night bingo! Didn’t I just tell you that on the last page?
"if you take me through the noise, I'll show you. I'm a creature of the caves and I follow the way the breezes blow."
Mina: Blind Lady: You know what they say, follow you, and you follow me~
He leads her across the room and they leave the crowd, who dismiss their departure as certain to fail.
Mina: Considering Rael’s track record in this story, they might have had a point. Again.
Pinkie: NO, MINAKO! DON’T YOU TIME WARP ON US TOO!
When through the door, the woman leads Rael down the tunnel. The light of the chamber soon fades and despite her confident step Rael often stumbles in the darkness.
Pinkie: ...wait, is it over?
Luna: They say that we won’t last too long on Broadway. *gets up* We’ll catch a Greyhound bus for home, they all say. But, oh... THEY ARE CORRECT. *heads for the door!*
Mina: ~On Brooooadwa--~...Ok, SERIOUSLY...
Pinkie: But...WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAMB?
Mina: *comforts* Pinkie, Pinkie, its ok. I bet he’s fine. He’s still on that sidewalk, sitting there, just chilling out and eating a waffle ice cream cone. And laughing at Rael.
Luna: *from the hall* HURRY BEFORE THE STORY BEGINS YET AGAIN!
Mina: It better not! *waves sledgehammer menacingly as she exits*
Pinkie: *runs after* Wait! We still have to finish our sleepover!