Experiment #36 - The Eye of Argon - Chapter 7

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The Eye of Argon - Chapter 7
By Jim Theis


*Riku walks in holding an armful of sodas and a bag that smells of popcorn.* Sorry, guys, am I late? I got the snacks.
Ienzo: *shrugs* It hasn’t started yet, at the very least.
Pinkie: SNACKS?! *leaps at Riku*
Riku: *Sidesteps with grace, looks over shoulder with a smirk.* I got a coke, Pepsi and a root beer. Got a preference?
Ienzo: None in particular.
Riku: Pinkie?
Pinkie: *looks up with a face full of popcorn* MMMMMMMMPH! Mmmmm mmm mmmm!
Riku: How did... *Sees she’s still managed to get the popcorn bags* Hey, there should be three microwave bags in there!
Pinkie: *swallows in one big gulp* Yep! Needs a little butter, though! *reaches under her seat for some*
Riku: Make sure to save some for us, okay? *Mutters something about “How does she DO that?”*
Ienzo: *to Riku* I’ve stopped trying to figure it out. More to the point, I believe that was a request for the root beer, earlier.
Riku: *Blinks and shrugs. At least someone understood that.* Okay... *He hands her the root beer, taking the Coke for himself and handing the Pepsi to Ienzo. He then takes his seat.*
Ienzo: *follows suit, after taking the drink*
Riku: Brace yourselves.


-7-

With wobbling knees and swimming head, the priest that had lapsed into an epileptic siezure rose unsteadily to his feet.

Riku: As opposed to the priest that had lapsed into song, the priest that was just asleep, and the priest that had been hit low.

While enacting his choking fit in writhing agony, the shaman was overlooked by Grignr. The barbarian had mistaken the siezure for the death throes of the acolyte, allowing the priest to avoid his stinging blade. The sight that met the priests inflamed eyes

Ienzo: Ah... I believe he’ll want to see someone about his eyes, in that case.
Riku: Clearly it’s burning rage.
Pinkie: I think they prescribe drops for that!

nearly served to sprawl him upon the floor once more.

Pinkie: Instead, it served him the house soup!

The sacrificial sat it grim,

Riku: ...What. The sacrificial what.
Pinkie: The sacrificial muffin! Don’t you have those?
Riku: ...You DO?
Pinkie: I make them for Ditzy every full moon! And twice on the solstice!
Riku: ...I’m not even going to ask.

blood splattered silence all around him, broken only by the

Riku: By the broken English.
Ienzo: Hopefully it’s not beyond saving.
Riku: Try CPR.
Ienzo: I’m afraid I left my lexicon in my other coat.
Riku: How about euthanasia instead?
Ienzo: I believe you’d want Even for that.

occasional yelps and howles of his maimed and butchered fellows.

Riku: So wait, the dead are crying out too?
Ienzo: Perhaps this is all taking place in Halloween Town.
Riku: With priests?
Ienzo: I’d assume they have some.
Riku: Beast priests...

Above his head rose the hideous idol, its empty socket holding the shaman's ifurbished

Ienzo: ...”ifurbished”?
Pinkie: FURBIES! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
Riku: *Gives Pinkie an odd look at the foreign word.* At least the story makes less sense.

infuriated gaze.

His eyes turned to a stoney glaze with the realization of the pillage and blasphemy. Due to his high succeptibility following the siezure,

Riku: He caught the common cold.
Pinkie: And added it to his Pokedex!

the priest was transformed into a raving maniac bent soley upon reaking vengeance. With lips curled and quivering, a crust of foam dripping from them,

Riku: Evidently crusts are liquids.
Pinkie: Sure! Didn’t your mom ever drain the crusts off of your sandwiches?

the acolyte drew a long, wicked looking jewel hilted scimitar from his silver girdle

Riku: He cross-dressed.
Ienzo: And rather succesfully, at that.

and fled through the aperature in the ceiling uttering a faintly perceptible ceremonial jibberish.

Pinkie: He said, “The cake is a lie!”
Riku: Or he was imitating Sora after waking up.

-7 1/2-

A sweeping scimitar swung towards Grignr's head in a shadowed blur of motion. With Axe raised over his head, Grignr

Pinkie: Suddenly realized he should’ve gone with Old Spice. Like Riku!
Riku: .........How do you know...? *Inches away slightly* ...........Have you been in ALL my dresser drawers?!

prepared to parry the blow, while gaping wideeyed in open mouthed perplexity.

Ienzo: I would hope he’d seen such attacks before.

Suddenly a sharp snap resounded behind the frothing shaman. The scimitar, halfway through its fatal sweep, dropped from a quivering nerveless hand, clattering harmlessly to the stoneage.

Riku: Time traveling sword. Might be hand-y.
Pinkie: Yeah, I TOTALLY see your point!
Riku: It’s a good way to cut down your time.
Ienzo: It also offers significant time to pre-pare.
Riku: And using it is a real slice.
Pinkie: I bought mine just in the nick of time!
Riku: Right when they slashed prices!
Pinkie: Yep! It was a steel!


Cutting his screech short with a bubbling, red mouthed gurgle, the lacerated acolyte staggered under the pressure of the released spring-board. After a moment of hopeless struggling, the shaman buckled, sprawling face down in a widening pool of bllod and entrails, his regal purple robe blending enhancingly with the swirling streams of crimson.

Ienzo: I doubt it enhanced much.
Riku: Evidently this is a painting, not a death scene.
Pinkie: *sniffle* Poor Doug...
Riku: Who?
Pinkie: The priest guy!
Riku: ...Not what I’d have named him.
Pinkie: *gasp!* What’re we gonna tell his wife and kids?
Riku: He had epilepsy?

"Mrifk!

Ienzo: Is that a name?
Riku: I think that’s a sound. Or... Something. Like a Moogle saying, “Kupo!” (Better yet, how do you pronounce that?)
Pinkie: I think Doug was a better name...Let’s call this one Martin!

I thought I had killed the last of those dogs;" muttered Grignr in a half apathetic state.

Riku: A pathetic state.

"Nay Grignr. You doubtless grew careless while giving vent to your lusts. But let us not tarry any long lest we over tax the fates.

Riku: No one likes taxes.
Pinkie: I never knew Grignr was with the ERS. No wonder nobody likes him!
Riku: ...ERS?
Pinkie: Equestrian Revenue Service!

The paths leading to freedom will soon be barred.

Riku: And most people will be in them, buying alcohol.
Ienzo: As is the author, by the sound of it.

The wretch's crys must certainly have attracted unwanted attention," the wench mused.

Pinkie: ...does that mean Martin’s a girl...?
Riku: Based on what’s going on, Martin’s a Martini.

"By what direction shall we pursue our flight?"

Riku: Up.
Pinkie: Don’t bother, you’ll NEVER make it through security like THAT.
Ienzo: Out of the story would be preferable.

"Up that stair and down the corridor a short distance is the concealed enterance to a tunnel seldom used by others than the prince, and known to few others save the palace's royalty. It is used mainly by the prince when he wishes to take leave of the palace in secret. It is not always in the Prince's best interests to leave his chateau in public view. Even while under heavy guard he is often

Riku: Squished.

assaulted by hurtling stones and rotting fruits. The commoners have little love for him." lectured the nerelady!

Ienzo: As opposed to the farlady?
Pinkie: Or the whereveryouarelady?
Riku: More like malady.

"It is amazing that they would ever have left a pig like him become their ruler. I should imagine that his people would rise up and crucify him like the dog he is."

Ienzo: *sings* Red, the blood of angry meeeeeeeeen!
Pinkie: *sings* Black, the dark of ages paaaaaaaast!
Ienzo: *still singing* Red, a world about to daaaaaaaawn!
Pinkie: *singing forever* Black, the night that ends at laaaaaaaaaaa - sorryPrincessLuna - aaaaaaast!
Riku: *Just stares at them both*
Pinkie: *places a hoof on his arm* Don’t worry, Riku. I care about your lonely soul!
Riku: ...I’m not lonely.

"Alas, Grignr, it is not as simple as all that. His soldiers are well paid by him. So long as he keeps their wages up they will carry out his damned wished. The crude impliments of the commonfolk would never stand up under an onslaught of forged blades and protective armor;

Pinkie: They were schoolboys, never held a gun~

they would be going to their own slaughter," stated Carthena

Pinkie: Who?
Riku: I think that’s Martini.
Ienzo: I thought that was our unpronounceable friend?
Pinkie: Maybe Martin has multiple personalities!
Riku: Light help us.

to a confused, but angered Grignr as they topped the stairway.

"Yet how can they bear to live under such oppression? I would sooner die beneath the sword

Riku: Please do. Save us the pain.

than live under such a dog's command."

added Grignr as the pair stalked down the hall in the direction opposite that in which Grignr had come.

Riku: Or else they’d be going around in circles, making the story infinite.
Pinkie: *sings* It’s the ciiiiiiiircle of liiiiiiiiife!

"But all men are not of the same mold that you are born of,

Riku: Makes sense, he was born from a spore...
Pinkie: *sings* He was born with pond scum like you! He is from the algae toooooooooo!

they choose to live as they are so as to save their filthy necks from the chopping block." Returned Carthena in a disgusted tone as she cast an appiesed

Ienzo: I... have no idea what that word was meant to be.
Pinkie *headtilts* Aaaaapple...pie...OKAY! *starts eating apple pie*
Riku: *To Ienzo* And you can understand Pinkie with her mouth full?
Ienzo: I was a very quiet child.
Pinkie: Oh, yeah, I remember that! Wow, you really grew up fast!
Riku: Yeah.

glance towards the stalwart figure at her side whose left arm was wound dextrously about her slim waist; his slowly waning torch casting their images in intermingling wisps as it dangled from his left hand.

Riku: *Looks rather bothered* And every Heartless is turned on.
Ienzo: I could have done without that mental image, thank you.
Riku: *Still looks bothered* So could I.

Presently Carthena came upon the panel, concealed amonst the other granite slabs and discernable only by the burned out cresset above it. "As I push the cresset aside push the panel inwards." Catrhena motioned to the panel she was refering to and twisted the cresset in a counterclockwise motion. Grignr braced his right shoulder against the walling, concentrating the force of his bulk against it. The slab gradually swung inward with a slight grating sound. Carthena stooped beneath Grignr's corded arms

Riku: Bungee.

and crawled upon all fours into the passage beyond. Grignr followed after easing the slab back into place.

Winding before the pair was a dark musty tunnel, exhibiting tangled spider webs from it ceiling to wall and an oozing, sickly slime running lazily upon its floor.

Riku: It couldn’t be too lazy if it was running.
Pinkie: Ooooooh. They really should’ve taken Sam with them.
Ienzo: Frodo certainly wouldn’t be any help.

Hanging from the chipped wall upon GrignR's right side was a half mouldered corpse, its grey flacking arms held in place by rusted iron manacles. Carthena flinched back into Grignr's arms at sight of the leering set in an ugly distorted grimmace; staring horribly at her from hollow gaping sockets.

"This alcove must also be used by Agaphim as a torture chamber.

Pinkie: Awwwww, Alex? He wouldn’t do that!

I wonder how many of his enemies have disappeared into these haunts never to be heard from again," pondered the hulking brute.

Riku: An intelligent brute. What’ll they think of next?
Pinkie: It’s a tale as old as time, Riku!

"Let us flee before we are also caught within Agaphim's ghastly clutches. The exit from this tunnel cannot be very far from here!" Said Carthena with a slight sob to her voice, as she sagged in Grignr's encompasing embrace.

Riku: It’s dead. It won’t hurt you. Unfortunately.

"Aye; It will be best to be finished with this corridor as soon as it is possible. But why do you flinch from the sight of death so? Mrift!

Pinkie: Oh hey, Martin’s back!
Riku: No, I’m pretty sure it’s his idea of a Moogle sound.
Pinkie: Is that like a Pokemon?
Ienzo: They’re commonly more talkative, but yes, the idea is much the same.
Riku: What kind of Pokemon is a Grignr?

You have seen much death this day without exhibiting such emotions." Exclaimed Grignr as he led her trembling form along the dingy confines.

"---The man hanging from the wall was Doyanta.

Pinkie: Awwwwwww, not Donald too!
Riku: Please don’t name him that.

He had committed the folly of showing affections for me in front of Agaphim --- he never meant any harm by his actions!" At this Carthena broke into a slow steady whimpering, chokking her voice with gasping sobs. "There was never anything between us yet Agaphim did this to him! The beast! May the demons of Hell's deepest haunts claw away at his wretched flesh for this merciless act!" she prayed.

"I detect that you felt more for this fellow than you wish to let on ...

Pinkie: Wow! He’s just like Fetlock Holmes!
Riku: The crying wasn’t any clue at allllll.

but enough of this, We can talk of such matters after we are once more free to do so."

Ienzo: They aren’t free to do so now?
Riku: They’re charging by the letter.

With this Grignr lifted the grieved female to her feet and strode onward down the corridor, supporting the bulk of her weight with his surging left arm.

Riku: Good thing she had a surge protector.

Presently a dim light was perceptibly filtering into the tunnel, casting a dim reddish hue upon the moldy wall

Riku: Where Grignr was born.
Pinkie: IN THE CIIIIIIIRCLE, THE CIRCLE OF LIIIIIIIIFE!

of the passage's grim confines. Carthena had ceased her whimpering and partially regained her composure. "The tunnel's end must be nearing. Rays of sunlight are beginning to seep into ..."

Pinkie: ...MY EYES! MY EYYYYYYYYYYYYES! *flails dramatically*
Riku: *Imitates “Ansem.”* THE LIGHT! BUT WHY!

Grignr clameed his right hand over Carthena's mouth and with a slight struggle pulled her over to the shadows at the right hand wall of the path, while at the same time thrusting this torch beneath an overhanging stone to smother its flickering rays. "Be silent; I can hear footfalls approaching through the tunnel;" growled Grignr in a hushed tone.

"All that you hear are the horses corraled at the far end of the tunnel. That is a further sign that we are nearing our goal." She stated!

Riku: Man, he didn’t “clam” his hand over her mouth too well.
Ienzo: Some people are better suited to transfiguration than others.

"All that you hear is less than I hear!

Pinkie: And all that you see is about seventy-five percent of what I see!

I heard footsteps coming towards us. Silence yourself that we may find out whom we are being brought into contact with. I doubt that any would have thought as yet of searching this passage for us. The advantage of surprize will be upon our side." Grignr warned.

Riku: Sure is wordy for trying to keep quiet.

Carthena cast her eyes downward and ceased any further pursuit towards conversation, an irritating habit in which she had gained an amazing proficiency.

Riku: ...I think I’m more irritated that the overly-wordy author said conversation was irritating.

Two figures came into the pairs view, from around a turn in the tunnel. They were clothed in rich luxuriant silks and rambling o on in conversation while ignorant of their crouching foes waiting in an ambush ahead.

"...That barbarian dog is cringing beneath the weight of the lash at this moment sire. He shall cause no more disturbance."

"Aye, and so it is with any who dare to cross the path of Sargon's chosen one." said the 2nd man.

"But the peasants are showing signs of growing unrest. They complain that they cannot feet their families while burdened with your taxes."

Pinkie: And they definitely can’t afford to earlobe their friends!
Riku: But they could take a hand from that priest at least!

"I shall teach those sluts the meaning of humility! Order an immediate increase upon their taxes. They dare to question my sovereign authority, Ha-a, they shall soon learn what true oppression can be. I will ... "

Riku: Starve your people to death. Good idea.
Ienzo: Answer to Javert?
Pinkie: No wonder he stole that loaf of bread!

A shodowed bulk leapt from behind a jutting promontory as it brought down a double edged axe with the spped of a striking thought.

Riku: So Grignr probably didn’t think this out.
Pinkie: I don’t think he can.

One of the nobles sagged lifeless to the ground, skull split to the teeth.

Pinkie: HARVEY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Grignr gasped as he observed the bisected face set in its leering death agonies. It was Agafnd!

Ienzo: Ah. I see they’ve been needing to ration their vowels again.
Riku: Or they name people after sneezes.
Pinkie: Don’t make fun of Harvey! He was Gotham’s white knight!
Riku: Well, now “Harvey” is two-faced.

The dead mans comrade having recovered from his shock drew a jewel encrusted dagger from beneath the folds of his robe and lunged toward the barbarians back. Grignr spun at the sound from behind and smashed down his crimsoned axe once more.

Riku: Axes are usually best for cutting, not smashing. Just a thought.
Pinkie: If you really need to smash something, you should get a Hulk.
Riku: A “shodowed bulk” will have to do.

His antagonist lunged howling to a stream of stagnent green water, grasping a spouting stump that had once been a wrist.

Riku: But will one day grow back into a full tree.

Grignr raised his axe over his head and prepaired to finish the incomplete job,

Riku: So that it could be a complete and finished job.

but was detered half way through his lunge by a frenzied screech from behind.

Carthena leapt to the head of the writhing figure, plunging a smoldering torch into the agonized face.

Ienzo: Was it agonized before or after having a torch shoved into it?
Riku: Better yet, when did she whip out these fighting skills?
Pinkie: This is a cutscene. The rest of the time it’s pretty much a normal escort mission.
Riku: Good, where’s our Get Bonus?

The howls increased in their horrid intensity, stifled by the sizzling of roasting flesh, then died down until the man was reduced to a blubbering mass of squirming, insensate flesh.

Grignr advance to Carthena's side wincing slightly from the putrid aroma of charred flesh that rose in a puff of thick white smog throughout the chamber. Carthena reeled slightly, staring dasedly downward at her gruesome handywork. "I had to do it ... it was Agaphim ... I had to, " she exclaimed!

Riku: Nothing between them. Sure.

"Sargon should be more carful of his right hand men." Added Grignr, a smug grin upon his lips. "But to hell with Sargon for now, the stench is becoming bothersome to me." With that Grignr grasped Carthena around the waist leading her around the bend in the cave and into the open.

Riku: You could probably move faster if you weren’t.

A ball of feral red

Ienzo: As opposed to tame red, I suppose.
Pinkie: This is why you should always spay and neuter your colors!
Riku: Orange you glad you did?

was rising through the mists of the eastern horizon, disipating the slinking shadows of the night.

Riku: And the Heartless go home.
Pinkie: Unlike...Harvey and Doug... *sniffle*

A coral stood before the pair, enclosing two grazing mares.

Riku: Sea-horses?
Pinkie: *sings* SHOO BE DOO, SHOO-SHOO BE DOO!
Riku: What?
Ienzo: *shrugs*

Grignr reached into a weighted down leather pouch dangling at his side and drew forth the scintillant red emerald

Riku: Those are usually called rubies.
Ienzo: Actually, it wouldn’t be. Rubies are a variety of corundum, while emeralds are a form of beryl, which can be any of a number of colors. Red variants of beryl are rare, but are sometimes referred to as either “red emerald” or “scarlet emerald.”
Riku: *Blinks* Fair enough.

he had obtained from the bloated idol.

Riku: There’s medicine for that.

Raising it toward the sun he said, "We shall do well with bauble, eh!"

Pinkie: Buble? I thought Grignr would be more of a heavy metal guy...

Carthena gaped at the gem gasping in a terrified manner "The eye of Argon, Oh! Kalla!" At this the gem gave off a blinding glow, then dribbled through Grignr's fingers in a slimy red ooze. Grignr stepped back, pushing Carthena behind him. The droplets of slime slowly converged into a pulsating jelly-like mass.

Pinkie: Ewwwwwww, it’s the Orb’s Shadow! Good thing they already killed Alex!
Riku: Who’s Alex again?
Pinkie: Torture Chamber Guy!
Riku: And what’s the Orb’s Shadow?
Ienzo: Neo.
Riku: ...No, EO was a guy who used light to fight... And song and dance, but that’s a long story.

A single opening transfixed the blob, forminf into a leechlike maw.

Then the hideous transgressor of nature flowed towards Grignr, a trail of greenish slime lingering behind it. The single gap puckered repeatedly emitting a ghastly sucking sound.

Riku: *Mocking* How sweet, it wants a kiss.
Pinkie: *as the blob* Iiiiiii’ve been dreaming of a true love’s kiss~

Grignr spread his legs into a battle stance, steeling his quivering thews for a battle royal with a thing he knew not how to fight.

Pinkie: I’d try a mop!
Riku: Moron forgot to read the walkthrough.

Carthena wound her arms about her protectors neck, mumbling, "Kill it! Kill!" While her entire body trembled.

Riku: What, ran out of fighting skills?
Pinkie: He failed his initiative check.
Riku: More like Miss Plunge-a-torch-into-a-guy’s-face failed a bravery check.
Ienzo: She should have remembered to roll out the ones.

The thing was almost upon Grignr when he buried his axe into the gristly maw.

Riku: The Axe had a long, fruitful life...
Pinkie: He will be missed dearly by his widow, Bow, and his good friend Sword.

It passed through the blob and clanged upon the ground. Grignr drew his axe back with a film of yellow-green slime clinging to the blade. The thing was seemingly unaffected. Then it started to slooze up his leg.

Pinkie: Awwwww, see? Giselle just wanted a friend!

The hairs upon his nape stoode on end from the slimey feel of the things buly, bulk. The Nautous sucking sound became louder, and Grignr felt the blood being drawn from his body.

Pinkie: BAD GISELLE! FRIENDS DON’T SUCK FRIEND’S BLOOD!
Ienzo: I’d be more concerned about the spelling.

With each hiss of hideous pucker the thing increased in size.

Grignr shook his foot about madly in an attempt to dislodge the blob, but it clung like a leech, still feeding upon his rapidly draining life fluid. He grasped with his hands trying to rip it off, but only found his hands entangled in a sickly gluelike substance. The slimey thing continued its puckering ; now having grown the size of Grignr's leg from its vampiric feast.

Grignr began to reel and stagger under the blob, his chalk white face and faltering muscles attesting to the gigantic loss of blood. Carthena slipped from Grignr in a death-like faint, a morrow chilling scream upon her red rubish lips.

Pinkie: She should do something! *turns to Riku* Should she do something?
Riku: She’s a plot device rather than a character, Pinkie, and a weak, badly-written one. She should, but she won’t.

In final desperation Grignr grasped the smoldering torch upon the ground

Riku: That Miss Plot Device dropped.

and plunged it into the reeking maw of the travestry. A shudder passed through the thing. Grignr felt the blackness closing upon his eyes, but held on with the last ebb of his rapidly waning vitality. He could feel its grip lessoning as a hideous gurgling sound erupted from the writhing maw. The jelly like mass

Ienzo: Ah, a flan. Why couldn’t he have mentioned that earlier?
Riku: That would be convenient?
Ienzo: It certainly would have been preferable.

began to bubble like a vat of boiling tar as quavers passed up and down its entire form.

Pinkie: Dear Princess Celestia: Today, we learned that sometimes your friend might have something you really, REALLY want. Like blood! But you should never take things from your friend without asking, because that might ruin your friendship forever! And also because being burned by a torch is really, really painful! Your friends, Pinkie Pie, Riku, and Ienzo!